Tempt Me Not
by SugaMama09
Summary: After using a palm reading app to determine what kind of seme or uke he is, Ichigo, the pastor's son, resists tempation in the tall, sexy & dark form of Grimmjow Jeagerjaquez. Grimm x Ichi. Yaoi. Church theme.
1. Chapter 1

Bonjour fellow readers! Pardon my temporary haitus, I was planning on coming back but didn't have any inspiration. Anywho...**Warning: **I use & instead of writing it out as "and". I'm sorry (not really) if that annoys you but whining about it won't change anything.

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I nodded pleasantly at the usher who seated me then waved a hello to my friends. Orihime gave me a bright smile & a wave, Uryu chucked up a quick deuce before plunging his hand back into the bag of cookies between his knees & Chad nodded, eyes hidden behind his shaggy brown hair.

Though the santuary wasn't full yet there was still a strong sense of excitment & anticipation in the air. I waved at Tatsuki who was across the church, adjusting her choir robe. She hated the thing, poor girl, but she loved singing so much she didn't mind putting up with it.

"Hey Ichigo, are you staying for Christmas & New Year's or going out of town?" Orihime asked, leaning close to be heard. Her breath smelled like chocolate chip cookies which I assumed was what Uryu was eating.

"I'm staying this year. I saw enough of the family for Thanksgiving to last me well into next year" I said, rolling my eyes to the cieling.

Orihime giggled.

I watched as the choir filed out from the doors off to the side of the stage, their posture straight & proud as their cream & burgunday robes made soft swishing noises. Some of the had on antlers with Christmas tree ornaments dangling off of them. They sat & waited as the band warmed up & the praise leader set up the microphone stands.

Uryu nudged me. "There goes yo' man..."

I glared my eyes at him before directing my gaze up at the choir stand where the sexy Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez stood with his arms crossed, chatting with one of the choir members. He was the most beautiful thing God himself had ever created (besides me, of course) with a voice so deep, he'd could cause a nun to masterbate with just a hello. His electric blue hair & matching eyes stood out sharply against his dark grey longed sleeved shirt & dark washed jeans with black Timberland boots. Father forgive me for I am having impure thoughts...but I wasn't going to let Uryu know that.

I scoffed. "Tch, that's not my man, fool"

"But you wish he was"

"Mind your own damn-ooh sorry Lord,-", I quickly kissed my knuckle & raised it to the ceiling, murmuring for forgiveness, "Mind your own business, four eyes!"

Uryu only chuckled, his gaze settling across the aisle where I'm pretty sure Mayuri Kurotsuchi was doing something extremely perverted in his direction. I don't know what Uryu saw in the guy; he was so weird & unashamedly perverted, I always wondered why he even came to church, the nasty freak. Sorry, Lord, I know we ain't supposed to judge but that guy is just weird.

Deacon Aizen took a microphone & tapped it, causing a loud & screeching feedback shatter the quiet talking in the room, causing everyone to cover their ears. "This thing on? Hello? Oh ok. Good morning, church!"

"Morning" the congregation muttered in unison.

"I'm here today to lead the congregation in a word of prayer. As we all rest on our feet, we bow our heads..."

Everyone stood & Deaon Aizen impatiently waited as someone shook Deacon Gin.

"I'm awake you idiot! I told you I just have narrow eyes!" he snapped.

"Stand up so I can pray!" Deacon Aizen growled then he cleared his throat when Deacon Gin finally stood. "Heavenly Father, we come before you now, knee bowed & body bent before thy throne of grace once more & again..."

"I'd like to be knee bowed or body bent before _his _throne of grace once & again & again..."

I glared at Renji who'd somehow slipped pass the ushers to take his seat all late, as usual. "You aren't supposed to be walking around during prayer, Renji, you know that"

"Oh get off my nuts, Ichi. The Lord knows I be tryin' to make it on time but..."

I noticed Byakuya slip into a seat across the aisle from us, zipping his pants back up & I shook my head.

"Renji, you're going to hell"

"You're coming with me, with the way you stare at Grimmjow"

"Shh!" an usher ordered us.

"The God of cateracts, knee shacks & a billy goat..." Deacon Aizen continued, "The very God who delivered Moses...from the belly of the whale & used said whale to feed the children of Israel for forty years..."

I grinned as I heard snickers all around me. It wasn't a secret that Deacon Aizen didn't study the Bible as he should (which would lead a person to ask the question why was he a deacon in the first place).

"& God, bless every man, woman & child under the sound of my voice. Keep a fence of protection around them at all times. Lord, let Your holy spirit run all up & through the pastor. Let Your anointing flow from his lips as the love juices of a woman-"

I slapped a hand over my mouth to hold in the laugh but Renji, however, laughed out loud, shaking his head.

"Yes, Father!" he shouted & I nudged him with my elbow.

"We ask & pray for these things in your Son, Jesus's name. Amen"

"Amen" the congregation echoed & Deacon Aizen handed the mic to Szayelaporro Grans (Sazay, as he liked to be called), the praise leader.

"Hey, Ichi, check it" Renji murmured, pulling out his phone, "I got this app that scans the lines in your hand & tells you what kind of seme or uke you are"

I rolled my eyes. "That is complete bull, Renji. Those kinds of apps are a waste of time"

"No, no, look"

Ichigo watched as Renji pointed his phone's camera, which was on the back, toward the palm of his hand & "Reading..." appeared on the bottom of the screen. Within seconds, "Sexy, controlling seme" appeared in big white letters.

"You are the sexy, controlling seme! You don't tolerate your uke getting the upper hand. You have to control everything, from what your uke wears, to what position they assume & what kind of role playing fantasy you two will act out. Typically mellow & observative, the sexy, controlling seme comes across as indifferent but when it comes to their uke, they come alive. Any other seme better watch out; sexy, controlling semes are ready to fight if someone even glances at their uke or a potiential one"

"Don't judge me" Renji murmured with a glare when I gave him a questioning look.

"Renji, that's so stupid" I huffed.

"It's so accurate though. I tried it on Byakuya & said he was the sexy, submissive uke!"

"It's an automated response that spews random responses, Renji, it's not even that serious"

"Dude look" Renji grabbed Orihime's hand & scanned her palm. She looked at me in confusion & I just shrugged.

"The Cute Uke" popped up in purple pretty letters. "You a kawaii uke! You bring the sexy, controlling seme to his or her knees with a simple bat of your big puppy eyes & will have them eating out of your hands. The cute uke is soft spoken & slow to anger, which semes find irresistable. While seen as a whore because they are surrounded by potiential mates, the cute uke is typically a virgin but not because they can't get any ;)"

Renji grinned wickedly. "Think I don't notice the way Chizuru looks at you Ori? You have that girl whipped like a great dane being lead by a leash by a pomeranian"

Orihime's face turned beet red & she looked away quickly.

Renji chuckled. "So ya wanna try to, Ichi?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes once again. I never believed in horoscopes, palm reading or any of that hoobah hoobah shi-I mean, mess, but I figured why not. At least it'd get Renji to shut up for a while. "Give me the stupid phone" I muttered.

I aimed his camera at the palm of my hand while trying to keep it hidden. Lord knows these elders are just itching to catch a young person slippin' so they can go & run to their parents & as the pastor's son, that wasn't going to fly. It read it then vibrated before a swirling circle asked me to wait a moment.

Someone nudged me, & I hurridly pocketed the phone, thinking it was a deaconness but it was just Uryu who nodded towards the stage. "Yo' man about to sing"

I rolled my eyes. "He is _not my ma-"_

_"Oh shut up, you want him to be" Renji interrupted. I was about to respond but what I had to say wasn't appropiate to say in church._

_Grimmjow crooned into the mic like a professional, making the women swoon & fan themselves hard. I wanted to sit in case I fainted but I wanted to watch him too. He had this way of closing his eyes when he hit those smooth, sexy notes & when he opened them he gave whoever he was looking at such a smoldering stare I'm surprised no one burst into flames. At one point I swore-uh I mean I promised he looked at me & smirked. I nearly had a heart attack._

_"How great thou art" he finished on a beautiful note & everyone burst into loud applauding. I tried to stay composed in case any of my friends were watching._

_Deacon Aizen took the stage again & waited for the congregation to finish. "Amen. Thank you for that wonderful song, Brother Grimmjow. God has his hands on your vocal cords like a trick in a prostitute's panties, bless you"_

_Uryu shook his head, rolling his eyes & Renji laughed. Loudly._

_"We welcome now our man of God for the message & er, uh, hopefully we can be up outta here by twelve cause I'm hungry, ain't that right, baby?"_

_Deacon Aizen winked & licked his lips in his wife's direction. Deaconness Hinomori blushed madly while everyone shifted in their sets uncomfortablly. We remained standing as my father, Pastor Isshin, took his time taking the stage. He squinted as if the light was bothering him & knowing him, he was probably hung over._

_"God bless you, take your seats in the presence of the Lord"_

_We sat & Renji nudged me. "Hey, what were your results?"_

_I remembered Renji's phone & pulled it out of my pocket, handing it to him to unlock his phone. Orihime, Renji, Uryu & Chad all leaned in close to read the results._

_"You are the dominant uke! Unlike the cute uke, you are loud & out-spoken, always ready to butt heads with your seme. The dominant uke wants to be penetrated but wants to be on top while doing so. They are also seen as a "ho" because they know exactly what they want & if you can't give them that, then you can step. Hot headed & quick tempered, the dominant uke won't need much of an excuse to go off or rebel but they have a soft spot for their seme"_

_Everyone's eyes turned to me & even my arms & hands were red._

_"Dude, that is so accurate" Renji muttered._

_"That's pretty eerie how accurate it was" Uryu agreed, finishing off his cookies._

_"Weird" Chad mumbled._

_"So who do you think is Ichi's seme?" Orihime asked & then she giggled._

_"Grimmjow" they all said together._

_"Shut up!" I said a bit too loudly & I attracted a glare from Deaconness Kikyo who pointed at me as if she was onto me._

_During the message, I was too embarassed to even look in Grimmjow's direction. Hypothetically speaking, if that palm reading was accurate would Grimmjow really be a good match for me? How would he tolerate & respond to my actions? He didn't seem like the kind of guy that would allow his uke to basically be rebellious. He looked like the kind of guy you just didn't mess with. He wasn't like body builder muscular, just muscular enough & his gaze was intimidating enough to tell you it'd probably be best to leave him alone. But I already felt myself even more drawn to him._

_My eyes strayed in Grimmjow's directions quite a few times though (without my consent). His posture was very relaxed but not to the point of being disrespectful though his eyes, which were on me, could've burned a hole through the asphalt. Each & everytime he caught me looking at him, I'd looked away quickly as if (Lord forgive me) I was interested in my father's stumbling delivery. Must be hard to preach early in the morning hungover. I'd say it served him right but it's not right to judge._

_"As we rest on our feet, the doors of the church are open. If you need salvation, a church home, rededication or prayer, please come & sit on the front row" _

_The choir stood & sang a soft, lovely hymn, almost like a lullabye & the congregation clapped as two people stepped out from their place in their pews._

_"Do we have children's choir practice?" Renji asked me._

_"Doubtful since most people will be away at the retreat next Sunday" I responded._

_"We should ask Minister Sazay anyway. If he tells me one more time that there's no choir rehearsal then tells me there is three hours after church is over I'll curse him out, Ichi, I swear before God, Lord knows I'm sick of that bastard"_

_"Lord, forsake thy wrath & lightening & forgive the potty mouths" I mumbled & Orihime, Uryu, Chad & I all took a step away from Renji._

_The redhead kissed his knuckle & raised it up to the cieling with a mumbled apology._

_After the doors of the churh were closed, there was announcements & then we stood for the benediction. Once dismissed, more than half the church just stood around (mostly in the way), fellowshipping but because we were in the "young adult section" & seated near the back it wasn't as much of a struggle to get out. Unfortunately Minister Sazay was all the way up at the front, conversing with the drummer & keyboard player._

_"Ichigo, wanna come catch some waves with me?" Chad asked, already undoing his tie. The poor guy hated dressing up in suits almost as he hated wearing shoes._

_"Yeah I'll catch up with ya later. You know how Yuzu likes to cook those big Sunday dinners & plus, I gatta talk to Mr. Sazay"_

_He nodded. "I'll come by for my plate after I change"_

_I told the rest of my friends I'd catch up with them later & waded my way through the crowd of old people & little bad kids that were chasing each other, knowing good & well that was not tolerated in the church. Just as I was within arms reach of Minister Sazay Grimmjow intercepted, his electric blue eyes glowing & one side of his mouth turned upwards into a sexy smirk. God, You must've been horny when you created this gorgeous creature; he just oozed sex. From the way he stood to the way he walked & even the way he licked his lips ever so slight-wait...what? Did he just...? Nah, I must just be tired._

_"Hey, Grimmjow" I say, trying to sound nonchalant, "Good job today"_

_His smirk turned a little cocky. "Why thank you. Maybe one day you & I could do a duet"_

_I chuckled (more like giggled). "Oh I don't sing"_

_Grimmjow took a step closer to me, his body heat radiating through his sweater. "Oh but I can make you sing..."_

_I...honestly have no idea how that was not supposed to be taken pervertedly._

_I shifted nervously, taking an awkward step back. "Uh..yeah, I uh...I gatta go. See ya around"_

_Grimmjow nodded once. "See ya. Ichigo"_

_I turned & nearly ran towards the exit. I don't know how I knew but somewhere in my heart of hearts I knew that man was going to have a big impact on my life._


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh just a reminder to you guys: The views, beliefs, behavior & all that of the characters do not necessarily reflect my own. Of course I own none of these characters unless you Google their name & you can't find any results. & as always, constructive critism is appreciated =]**

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"Thank you, Yuzu"

"You welcome, big brother"

I licked my chops & rushed through a prayer of thanks & blessings before I dug my fork into my little sister's homemade macaroni & cheese whose cheese was still melting, coming to rest beside my peice of fried chicken thigh which was pushed up against my collard greens (which was homemade too of course) which snuggled up against my buttery corn on the cob. My whole plate was topped off with a warm, soft, buttery buscuit that you already know was homemade. Oh Jesus, be a bib...

"Wait for Father, Ichigo. We'll prayer over the food together"

I wanted to cry. "Yuzu, why do you torture me so?"

She grinned, laying her napkin flat in her lap. "We eat together on Sundays, might as well pray together"

I sighed & waited impatiently as Dad slowly washed his hands & fixed his plate. He seemed very drained, not that I could blame him. Mama's death hit us all hard but him especially. She'd been his high school sweetheart & they'd known each other since a few days after they were born. Not only did Dad lose his wife, he lost his best friend.

"Dad, come _on" _Karin complained, leaning back in her chair in exasperation.

"Hey, hey, pipe down now. You ain't too old for no whuppin'" Dad muttered coming to set his plate on the table & sitting, "Bow your head & lead the prayer"

She sighed. "Heavenly Father, thank you for this food. Bless the hands that made it, let it be safe for our consumption. Bless those who cry out for You in the name of Jesus. Amen"

"Amen" we echoed quickly & if I'd gotten my fork in my fork in my mouth any faster it probably would have stabbed me in the back of my throat. Thank you Jesus this girl could cook because the rest of us sure can't, unless rice & Ramen counts.

Dad shifted his elbows onto the table, leaning forward then quickly put them down when Yuzu gave him a look, clearing his throat. "Uh...what are you kids up to next weekend?"

"Sleepover" Karin mumbled around a mouth full of food.

Dad frowned. "At who's house?"

She rolled her eyes. "Dad I told you, Yuichi's sister invited me to come over her house like two weeks ago"

"Will Yuichi be there?"

Karin seemed to be getting impatient with the interrogation. "Probably, Dad, I don't know!"

"Watch your tone. You ain't too old to get beat"

She was smart enough to just be quiet & stuff her face with her food.

Dad turned to Yuzu. "What about you, Yuzu? What will you be doing?"

She wiped her mouth. "Well someone has to keep the clinic open so I don't mind staying"

"Yuzu you never get out. Take a break once in a while"

She smiled gently. "It's fine, Daddy. My friends can just come over & keep me company"

"Well, Ichigo, if you aren't doing anything, you should check up on her"

I swallowed my food before answering. "I'm going on the church retreat, remember?"

I'd learned long ago to know not to expect my dad to remember much, as much as he drank. He was having a good day if he woke up & could remember his name & that he had three children. Karin & Yuzu were really just too young to understand the struggle Dad went through with trying to cope with Mama's death. All they knew was that he was a guy who got drunk often & when that happened they should just go to their rooms & lock the door.

Dad nodded. "Good, good. I assume you're going because your friends are"

"Of course. Think I'd go to a church function where only a bunch of old biddies & geezers will attend & not any of my friends?"

He glared at me. "You need to learn to respect your elders"

I shrugged. I'd learned to respect them when they stopped treating me like an irrelevent child.

"What time are you guys leaving for the retreat?" Yuzu asked, gathering the now empty plates & setting them in the sink.

"Chad is coming to pick me up Friday around eight in the morning. The cabins are only like two hours away, up on Little Canoe Mountain"

She nodded. "Good. Then you have more than enough time to pack as well as clean the kitchen. Thoroughly"

"Awww, Yuzu..."

She gave me a look & I sighed. Mama would've been very proud of her perfecting that motherly glare at such a young age. I sighed again & stood to wash the dishes. I hated washing dishes; it made my fingernails all weak & turned my hands a sickly, pale beige but between me zoning out & rushing through the dishes that really didn't have that much on it, it went by quickly. I finished rinsing the suds out just as the doorbell rang.

I opened the door to reveal Chad who was already in his wetsuit, his surfboard under one arm. "Ready?" he asked.

I stepped back to let him in. "Yeah, let me grab my stuff. Get a plate if ya want, we just finished eating"

He nodded & leaned his surfboard against the wall before making his way to the kitchen.

I jogged up the stairs to my room & opened my closet to find my wetsuit. Chad & I had been surfing since we were maybe about ten or eleven. We weren't pros or anything but we had fun & that was all that mattered. On a breezy day like this, the waves will be high but the water would be freezing since it was November. The thought of how cold it was made goosebumps raise up on my arm.

Since I knew I was going to be out for the rest of the day, I went ahead & packed for the retreat. I pretty much knew that since I was leaving the day after tomorrow, Yuzu was going to have me cleaning more than a maid working overtime & more than likely running errands as well.

The retreat was only going to be for three days; leaving on Friday & I'm sure Uryu would want to leave Sunday night so we'd have an excuse not to go to church, not to mention we'd be one of the last to leave & that means no parents around to monitor us. I packed enough for five days (just in case I ruined an outfit...that & I couldn't decide on a couple of the outfits). After having to sit on my suitcase in order to get it zipped closed I heard Karin greeting Chad & decided it was time to skedaddle.

I grabbed my surfboard behind my door & skipped down to the kitchen where Chad was shoveling the last of his macaroni in his mouth. He rinsed his plate off & nodded to me, letting me know he was ready now.

"Bye Dad, bye Yuzu!" I called.

"Where are you going?" Dad shouted from his room.

"Surfing then probably Waffle House"

"Be safe"

"Of course"

I headed out the door, sighing happily as the cool breeze sifted through my hair. I already knew this was going to be a great way to end a good day.

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Fast Forward to Friday morning at 9:15am

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"Ichigo! Ichigo, get up! Get up you lazy bum!"

I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut like that was going to help me get back to sleep. "Karin...please, lemme sleep"

"You idiot, Uryu has been here waiting for you!"

That woke me up quickly & I hopped out of bed, scrambling for my phone & trying to turn it on. "What?! W-w-what time...? My fingers are sleep, Karin, what time is it?!"

She huffed, crossing her arms. "Time for you to get your butt up & get dressed before you get left!"

I snatched up my jeans & t-shirt from yesterday & hurridly put them on over my basketball shorts & wife beater. "Tell Uryu I'll be ready in five"

She scoffed, turning to walk out. "You'd better. They're eating up all of Yuzu's leftovers"

Thankfully I'd already packed so all I needed to do was brush my teeth & wash my face (God forbid if I walk out of my room, much less this house with dried drool on the side of my mouth & eye snot in the corner of my eye).

As I rushed downstairs with my suitcase & bag, I found Uryu, Chad, Renji, Orihime & Tatsuki in the living room, licking their plates clean.

Yuzu smiled brightly at me. "You were taking a long time so I fed them & made a to-go plate for you"

"Oh Yuzu, what would I do without you?" I dropped my bags & planted a big kiss on her cheek, russeling her hair, "Thank you"

She giggled, handing me the black plastic plate that was stuffed with breakfast food that was still steaming hot. I wanted to cry, it looked so delicious.

Uryu stood & patted his belly as if it was full. "Well we need to get going. Thanks again, Yuzu"

Everyone chimed in with appreciation & Yuzu grinned shyly.

"Aw, you're welcome guys. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now be off before the rush hour traffic holds you guys up"

I carried my stuff off to the van borrowed from the church & tossed it in the trunk where everyone else had put their luggage.

Uryu got into the driver's seat. "I'll put gas in then we can get on the road after we get Mayuri. He knows how to get there"

We all piled in: Tatsuki & Orihime in the very back, giggling over a text Tatsuki recieved, Renji in the row in front of them, stretched out with music blasting from his earphones, me in the row in front of him, Uryu in the driver's seat & Chad in the passenger seat. They agreed that if Uryu got tired, Chad would take over.

It wasn't the most pleasant ride once we got Mayuri. Like I said he was weird [Lord forgive me, I know I shouldn't judge] & he kept leaning forward to whisper dirty things in Uyru's ear, which put his bottom all up in my face. Several times Uyru swerved on the road so eventually Chad took over & Uryu sat in Mayuri's lap to make out in the passenger seat. It was probably the weirdest, most disgusting display of affection. Mayuri, being the strange nerd that he is, pulled several things out of his pocket that looked like bullets & would use them on different places on Uryu's body, causing him to moan (apparently they were vibrators).

"Oh my God, dude..." Tatsuki said at one point & Mayuri turned his head all the way around to glare at her so we stayed silent for the rest of the journey.

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The road leading to the area where our cabins were was steep & winding, steadily leading up the mountain. The road was not very wide so we prayed _hard that no one would come from the opposite direction because they wouldn't be able to pass (one side of the road was the mountain, the other side was a steep drop off). Our cluster of cabins kind of resembled a subdivision but put very close together. The cabins looked like two story houses & each had a basement, the whole house fully furnished with old but clean furniture that made the house kind of look like an old hotel. Coming into the subdivision was a hill that was probably at a forty five degree angle downwards. Chad took the steering wheel with both hands, nervous about how narrow the road was, I assume. Even I was gripping my seat as if that'd help him steer._

_"Our cabin is 7115" Uryu murmured, his face in the map that we got when we bought our reservation._

_We passed by a mailbox that read 7110. "It should be a few more houses down" I said._

_Five houses down, sure enough, there stood a cabin like all the others. There was already a white Tahoe parked off to the side._

_"Looks like our housemate have already arrived' Orihime observed._

_"Who are we staying with?" Renji asked Uryu who was folding the map back up & opening the door when we parked._

_"Don't know. Only one way to find out"_

_We piled out & went inside. It smelled like lemon cleaner & fresh wood, which I was pleasantly surprised at. As we walked in, to our left there was a bedroom with a king sized bed & straight ahead was the living room, complete with a sixty five inch flatscreen up on the wall & leather furniture. Around the corner was a set of stairs that led down to the basement & a set of stairs on the opposite side that led up to the top floor._

_"I got dibs on a big bed!" Renji hollered before sprinting up the stairs three at a time._

_"Hey, wait a minute, you don't need a big bed with your scrawny ass!" Uryu shouted after him._

_"Oh I don't plan on sleeping alone, sweetheart!" _

_I rolled my eyes._

_I wandered down into the basement to check it out. Generally it's colder in the lowest part of the house so this was my reasoning for wanting a room down here. There were three bedrooms; one with a king sized bed & the other two with two twin beds in each. Naturally I chose the king sized bed. Considering there were three bedrooms down here, one on the main floor & three on the top floor, there was more than enough room for me to have a big bed to myself, right? Exactly._

_I went back to the van & got my luggage out the back then started to neatly fold my clothes into the drawers. It was very comfortable though kind of stuffy in the room. It wasn't very big, only enough room for the bed, a dresser, a nightable by the bedside with just enough room to open the French door closet & walk about comfortably. The window overlooked the woods & I could see the sun glinting off the water of the lake that was almost hidden behind all the trees._

_It was then that I heard a noise...like a rushing of water. It dawned on me that the sound was of someone taking a shower. No one had come down here with me...had someone broken in just to take a shower or was it our housemate?_

_I grabbed the closest thing I could possibly turn into a weapon which happened to be my brush. Hey I could do some damage to some eyes if my life depended on it!_

_I crept towards the jack & jill bathroom & silently opened the door that led to the room with the bathtub. I dropped my brush & my jaw fell to the floor. Inside the transparent shower, washing his hair & humming softly to himself was none other than Grimmjow himself, butt naked & wet like something straight out of my fantasies._

_& then he stopped massaging the shampoo into his hair, looked at me...& smiled._


	3. Chapter 3

**I really appreciate you guys' reviews! Gives me motivation to write faster. & thank you guys for adding me & this story to your favorites. That's just as good as a review to me =]**

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Oh. My. God

Grimmjow shut the water off after rinsing his hair out (slowly) & stepped out to grab one of the fluffy white towels on the counter, smirking at me in an arrogant way. "Like what you see, Ichigo?"

I _really _struggled to keep my eyes on his face. "I, uh..."

The Lord is my shepard, He _**know**_ what I want!

Grimmjow took a moment to rub the towel over his hair before wrapping it around his waist. Only then did I feel comfortable enough to let my eyes roam over his glorious body. On his chest, on his right pectoral was a large tattoo of two hands pressed together in prayer & what I assumed to be a scripture written in Hebrew below it. His flat stomach was etched with an eight pack that glistened in water. My eyes followed the path of a particular drop of water that ran from over his broad, muscled shoulder, between his pecs & his abs & over his cute outtie belly button before dropping in the dip in his hip & absorbing into his towel. Grimmjow winked at me as if he knew I was checking him out (not that I made a secret of it, Lord help me).

I backed up quickly as he walked toward me, only stopping when my back was up against the wall. "G-G-Grimmjow, what are-"

He rested his hands on the wall beside my face & I was hit with the scent of his body: spicy cinnamon, a subtle hint of cologne & a seme's musk. I almost passed out, it smelled so wonderful.

"Don't tell me you gettin' all shy on me now" Grimmjow rumbled, his eyes smoldering behind his half mast lids.

I started to breathe faster. "I...I don't know what you're talking about"

He chuckled & pressed closer, his lips skimming over the skin of my neck. "It ain't no secret you like me, Ichigo. Word gets around fast in a church full of clucking hens"

I'm sure my face was as red as a beet. I was going to track down whoever ran their mouth (probably Renji) & curb stomp them until their teeth get lodged in their brain (forgive me Lord).

His hand come up to slowly stroke my cheek. "It's ok if you're a virgin, baby, I'll be gentle..."

My mouth fell open in shock & without thinking about it, I slapped his hand away. "I did not come on this retreat to lost my virginity to you! I didn't even know you were coming!"

At first Grimmjow's eyes were a little wide in surprise but then he smirked, straightening. "You got more spunk in ya than I originally thought. I like that"

With a wink he crossed over into the room that was on the other side of the jack & jill & grabbed his things.

"W-what are you doing?" I stuttered even though I pretty much already knew the answer.

"We're sharing this bed" he answered simply, dumping his Louis Vuitton suitcase under the window.

"What?! No we are not! There is plenty of room for you to sleep in one of those other beds!"

"Ichigo, there's too many people here to have your own bed"

"There's only six! Seven, counting you! Are you that bad at math?"

Grimmjow stopped unpacking to turn to me with a look of slight irritation. He held up his hands & all of his fingers, folding them down as he rattled off names. "You, Uryu, Orihime, Tatsuki, Renji & Chad. Then there's me, Mayuri, Chizuru, Byakuya & Bainne"

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Why are all of us staying up in this house?! Someone needs to leave!"

Grimmjow chuckled & resumed unpacking. "Sorry, sweetheart. Only one who might be willing to leave is Tatsuki since her sweetheart isn't in this house"

I frowned. "Tatsuki has a sweetheart?"

"Not my business to tell. Point is, we gatta share this bed"

Whoever set this up would have Hell to pay when we got back! How could they do this to me?! They were setting me up to get raped every night, most likely _all _night! I couldn't share a room with this guy, much less a bed! As sexy as he was that was most definitely a sin in every religion!

I stomped upstairs, ignoring Grimmjow chuckling & his cat-calling. Ugh the nerve!

Uryu looked up at me when I got up to the main floor. "What's up, Ichi? Something wrong?"

"Who authorized that...that..._heathen_ to be my roommate?"

I froze as I heard moaning from upstairs. "Oh my God, Renji! Ohhh baby, mmmm, yes"

Mayuri rolled his eyes, shifting Uyru so that the young man's weight was mainly resting on his right thigh. "Don't act as if your dick isn't calling out to Grimmjow, Ichigo. Just live a little for once"

"How about you keep your mouth shut before I shut it for you, jackass?" I snapped.

Mayuri shrugged one shoulder, seemingly uninterested. "Fine but only if Uryu doesn't mind having a threesome"

I made a sound of disgust & glared at Tatsuki who was stuffing her mouth with some tacos (where she got them from, I'll never know). "Who set this up?! I don't want to share a bed with Grimmjow!"

She held up her hands as if she didn't know & Orihime swallowed her portion of food before speaking. "I believe it was Mrs. Hinomori but I don't think she's here yet"

"Ahhh, Renji, baby you're so good to me! Shit! Shit, shit, shit, that's how I like it daddy!"

"Shut the hell up!" I hollered.

"Ichigo, Jesus, chill out" Uyru said calmly.

"Shove it, four eyes!"

"Oh I plan to, no need for you to worry" Mayuri purred, slithering his hand up Uyru's shirt.

I stomp out of the house with an annoyed growl & made my way up to Mrs. Hinomori's house. The hill that I was walking up took a lot out of me though & I slowed down which allowed me to think about what I was going to say. I didn't want to be outright disrespectful (not to mention I didn't want her to know about my preference towards men. Don't think that'd go over very well) but even Ray Charles could see how sexy Grimmjow was & knew better than to sleep in the same bed with him! Why would the planning committee do such a careless thing as to put so many people in one house & force them to share beds? There are plenty of empty houses to go around here!

I got to the top of the hill & put my hands on my knees, panting. I was seriously out of shape. I was kind of lazy now that summer had started & I was in my last year of high school. I didn't do suicides anymore to prepare for football season. I guess I'll have to get on that once I get back hom-

"Nice view from here"

I straightened quickly & directed a glare at Grimmjow who was walking up the hill as easily as if it wasn't a steep forty five degree incline. Ugh I really couldn't stand his sexy ass, I promise you!

He came to a stop beside me & turned around to stare out over the horizon, where the sun reached out from the fluffy clouds & cast golden rays over the sky. "Beautiful ain't it?"

I felt kind of dumb then. "Y-yeah...sorry, I thought you'd been talking about...you know..."

He smirked. "Your ass? Yeah I was kinda referring to that too"

I bunched up my hands into fists. "Do you ever think about anything other than sex?!"

He gave me a look as if it was pretty obvious. "Well of course. I think about fucking, love making, a romp in the sheets-"

"UGH!"

I stomped away, irritated & determined. I was going to get Mrs. Hinomori to exchange Grimmjow out of my room whether I had to curse her out or threaten her!

"Hey, hey, wait, come on now, calm your tits, Ichigo, it was a joke"

"Go suck on an egg, Grimmjow!"

He snickered. "Hey, come on, firecracker, I ain't mean nothing by it!"

I was forced to stop my rage march up to Mrs. Hinomori's house as Grimmjow planted himself in front of me & put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I shook him off.

"Move!"

He chuckled. "Why are you so mad, eh?"

"Because you're an arrogant jackass!"

"I was just joking around to make you smile"

"You can shove those jokes right up your mom's a-"

He held up his hands as if surrendering but that stupid arrogant smirk stayed. "Hey, whoa, no need to bring my mama into this. She's a good woman"

"Just _move_!"

"Why you mad, baby?"

I shoved his chest to forcefully move him but failed miserablly. He only rocked back on his heels a bit & was struggling not to laugh.

"I've had it up to _here _with you, Grimmjow! & do not call me baby! Move out of my way!"

"Alright, alright. But let me walk with you. There are reports of bears here"

I unconsciously moved closer to him, looking around. "Bears?"

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, chuckling low in his throat. "You scared, firecracker?"

I pushed away from him & scoffed. "No. I'm just being cautious like anyone else with common sense would. Now come on, I need to get this over with"

I stomped around him & he walked beside me, easily keeping up with my brisk pace. That probably pissed me off even more so than him chuckling at my behavior. If I got anymore angry I was going to explode.

"Why you need to see Mrs. Hinomori?"

"To get _you _out of _my_ room!"

"Aw, baby, come on-"

"I told you not to call me bab-"

"We could have a lot of fun" he continued as if I'd never spoken.

"Your idea of fun is not my kind of party"

"How would you know, you're a virgin"

I came to halt & pointed an accusing finger in his face. "See what I mean?! I _knew _it! You act like just because you look..._alright_ & you're a college student & I look good, you're going to just have your way with me! That ain't gunna happen Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, so get that fact straight before you step to me!"

He bit his bottom lip, shaking his head slightly & his eyes rolled closed. "You're so damn sexy..."

I temporarily lost all of my anger which was quickly replaced by embarassment. He...he thought I was sexy? Grimmjow...actually thought I was sexy?! I mean I'm sure not ugly but to have someone that you've liked for a long time tell you that you were "so damn sexy"...well...let's just say that made my day.

"I bet you're fiesty in bed too, aren't you, ya little firecracker?"

Mood ruined. I scowled at him & stomped off.

"Hey, hey, wait now-"

I stomped right up to Mrs. Hinomori's door & knocked on it with as much control as I could muster at the moment. Why couldn't I just find a really nice guy who wasn't like all the others? Matter of fact...why can't I just be normal & like women?

The door opened to reveal a cautious looking Mrs. Hinomori who's brown hair was down around her shoulders. Her eyes darted from me to Grimmjow who had just walked up. "Um...hello Ichigo. Hello Grimmjow"

"Good afternoon" Grimmjow nearly purred & Mrs. Hinomori swallowed hard.

"Mrs. Hinomori, I wanted to ask who was in charge of assigning people to particular houses" I said in a clipped tone.

She shifted uncomfortably, opening the door wider to invite us in but feeling uncertain when neither of us moved. "I uh...well it's the planning committee who actually puts people in certain houses but I approved it all"

"I want to be switched out into another house"

"Um...but...why Ichigo? Do you not like your housemates?"

"The thing is, Mrs. Hinomori" Grimmjow cut in smoothly, "Ichigo's concern is there are too many people in the house & he would like a room of his own"

"But I only-" I started.

"Oh Ichigo, I'm truly sorry. Had it been a few weeks ago I would've been happy to switch you out but there aren't anymore available houses"

I gaped & gestured at the empty houses around. Was this lady serious?!

She only shook her head. "We were only approved to rent out twenty of the houses & all twenty have been filled. I know some of the sofas let out into a bed but unfortunately they aren't very comfortable. Unless you sleep in the living rooms, I doubt you'll be able to get a room by yourself. I'm sorry"

I ran my hands down my face in exasperation. This could not be happening! This was unreal!

"We're sorry to bother you, Mrs. Hinomori. It's not a big deal, we can work something out" Grimmjow reassured her. Even I was almost reassured by his persuasive tone.

She nodded again, smiling. "Alright, Grimmjow, it's no problem at all. I'm truly sorry, Ichigo, I know it must be awkward to have to share a be-"

"Sweetheart my body is ready"

Grimmjow & I froze, our bodies stiff with shock as Deacon Aizen came swaggering around the corner with nothing on but whip cream around his crotch & a gag with a ball hanging around his neck. He stopped when he saw us & his eyes went wide as he quickly grabbed things to cover himself with. Mrs. Hinomori hadn't even turned around at this point but she went red from her scalp all the way down her neck.

"Oh my God" Grimmjow muttered in awe.

"Uh...er, h-hello you two" Deacon Aizen said, putting on a shaky smile, "How's uh...you two like your house?"

Grimmjow fumbled for a moment before his hand landed on my arm & he gently urged me to turn around. "Uh...yeah...yeah it's uh...it's real nice. We'll just...we'll be going now. Bye"

Mrs. Hinomori nodded, mouthed a silent "sorry about that" & gently closed the door while Grimmjow & I walked briskly back to our house in silence.

"We saw nothing" Grimmjow mumbled.

"Not a thing" I agreed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Merry Christmas, sweeties! I hope you all enjoy your time with your family & friends as well as this update. Again another big thank you to all those who reviewed & favorited! You guys are awesome x3**

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That evening, there was a welcoming party at the club house but the young adults (mainly Renji, Byakuya & Chizuru) wanted to go down to the lake. We figured why not; there was nothing else to do, not to mention it sounded a lot more fun than staying in the house, as nice as it was.

There was a steep road that we had to walk down & then a steep set of stairs to get down to the lake. The impact the walking had on my knees made me wince. I definitely needed to start back working out.

"Ugh the walk back is going to absolutely kill us" Renji complained.

"Stop bitching, you'll be ok" Mayuri grumbled. He was not happy about being pulled out from in front of his laptop to come socialize with some people he didn't even really care for but when Uyru gave him that, "If you don't come, you won't cum for a while" look so he dragged himself along.

Grimmjow walked alongside me, his hand brushing against mine occassionally. At first I stepped a bit farther away so that he had room to swing his arms but he only stepped closer to be so I let him have his way. Even though I was still pretty irritated with him from earlier today (not to mention extremely awkward thinking about how we were going to sleep tonight, Lord help me) I kept thinking about when he called me sexy & how good it made me feel. Each time I replayed it in my head, I smiled a little more until Grimmjow gently bumped my arm.

"Hey. What's got you all smiley?" he asked, smirking down at me.

I refused to look at him. I know he'd make me blush madly. "Nothin'. Just thinking"

"About?"

"Stuff"

"Like?"

I rolled my eyes. "Obviously it's none of your business"

"You're thinking about sex, aren't you?"

"No! Ugh, there's more to life than sex you dog!"

He chuckled humorlessly. "Sex doesn't require emotional attachment & doesn't get you hurt though"

I frowned up at him. "What do you mean? Sex is emotional, at least it should be. Having sex when it doesn't have any meaning...well, that just takes the joy out of it"

"Trust me, being a virgin, you ain't missin' much. Sex is just another way to vent"

"But that's not what sex is suppose to be about, Grimmjow" I said softly.

"It's whatever you translate it to be. You say pe_can_, I say pe-_cahn_. Same thing, just said differently"

"Sex doesn't mean venting to me though. It shouldn't mean that to you either"

"Life's a bitch. It changes your way of thinking" he muttered, his body language showing that he was ready to drop the subject, "You'll see one day, though I hope you do wait to have sex"

I took the hint & let the subject go for now. Obviously this wasn't the place for such a serious discussion but I made a mental note to bring it up when we were alone.

The set of stairs leading down to the beach was so steep I took one step & thought I was going to topple over.

Grimmjow steadied me by putting his arm around my middle. "Easy there firecracker"

As much as it wounded my pride to do so I clung to his arm for support all the way down to the beach. If he was uncomfortable with it he never let on; he simply loosely wrapped his arm around my waist.

"Tch, I didn't bring my swimming trunks!" Uryu muttered.

As we got closer to the water's edge, intending to put our feet in the water, we realized it was probably a good idea no one brought swimming gear. I don't think any of us were expecting Caribbean blue waters that were clear enough to see the coral reef & beautifully colored fish or anything but we sure didn't expect a man-made lake that had a layer of sickly green oily matter on the top of the water near the beach. The oily matter dissipated farther out but the water itself was a puke greenish yellow color that made me wonder if someone would come out with extra limbs or leeches if they got in.

We all wandered onto the little boardwalk that led to this platform with several lounging chairs & peered over the railing.

"I bet there are piranhas down in there..." Chizuru said quietly.

"Wanna find out?" Mayuri asked, grinning sadistically.

"Sure, I vote for you to jump in & see"

"Ladies first"

"Alright. Go on then, we'll wait for you here"

"Hey, hey, you two" Uryu said, raising his hands in a calming gesture.

I cautiously peered over the railing & swallowed hard as I watched a few bubbles rise to the surface of the water & pop. "What if they're just watching & waiting for some tastey morsel to jump in?"

"Ichigo, step back!" Renji said in a panic & I nearly fell, scrambling away so quickly.

"W-what?! What is it?!" I yelled.

The red head pointed to where I'd been standing & I felt the bubbling urge to scream as I saw a large spider resting under the railing where my foot had been from inches before. It was the biggest spider I'd ever seen (in person), being a little bigger than the palm of my hand.

"It's a camel spider" Chad said simply from his place on the loungechair beside Bainne as if it wasn't a big deal.

Orihime whimpered, clinging to Tatsuki. "Is it alive?"

My heart rose up into my throat as Grimmjow & Bainne stepped towards it. As Grimmjow squatted to examine it, Mayuri grabbed his shoulders & growled suddenly to scare him but only got a sucker punch in the crotch for his effort.

"That wasn't a good idea man" Gantanbainne said in his deep, quiet voice.

"Not cool" Chad agreed.

Grimmjow spared Mayuri, who was bent over & groaning a few feet away, a glare before declaring. "It's dead. It is pretty big though"

I think I actually screamed like a little bitch as he turned with the monster dangling from its leg between in his index finger & thumb (luckily I wasn't the only one that screamed so no one heard me).

"Put that thing down, you nasty son of a bitch!" Renji hollered, using Byakuya as a shield as they backed away.

Grimmjow smirked. "I told you it was dead, Abari, why so serious?"

Orihime squealed & sprinted off the dock to watch safely from the beach, dragging Tatsuki with her. She must have known Grimmjow was up to something.

"I don't care, that's gross, man!"

"But...it's a great source of protein as well"

Another scream rang out as the stupid blue haired bastard dangled the spider above his mouth as if he was about to drop it in & eat. I think he would have until its legs began to kick about wildly & he held it out in front of him again, one eyebrow raised.

"Grimmjow, get rid of that stupid thing before it bites you!" Byakuya snapped.

The blue eyed idiot turned & flicked the spider out over the water with his other hand. "Well...at lest I thought it was dead"

Bainne chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder. "You wild, man"

We all kind of shuffled back onto the beach & made our way back up to the cabins. By now there was a gathering of people who we didn't know (I assumed maybe they had rented some of the cabins as well) & the way they were looking at us & whispering made a few of our group uncomfortable. I was perfectly fine pretending they weren't there but it wouldn't have been any fun sitting there alone.

After we almost killed ourselves making our way back up those big ass hills, Byakuya got our attention.

"We should go to Kyoraku's house. I bet everyone's back from the clubhouse & cooking & if I'm right, his house is the first we need to go to"

Renji moaned. "Oh my God...Kyoraku's stir fried shrimp rice with dumplings...so good..."

I heard several stomachs growl loudly & chuckled.

We made our way around until we found his cherry red Dodge Charger & I knocked on the door, my mouth instantly watering as I heard sizzling coming from inside.

"Just a minute!" I heard a shout.

"Ooh, I hope he's making those monte christos like he made for my graduation party" Orihime murmured, her hand fluttering to her loudly growling stomach.

"Oh those were so good" Tatsuki agreed.

"Open the doooooor!" Uyru cried, "We're hungryyyyy!"

The door unlocked to reveal Kyoraku, who was wearing a Smack The Cook on the Ass apron, his hair tied back & a glass of wine in one hand. "Oh hey, guys, what's up?"

"Feed the children" I whimpered, the hunger pains nearly doubling me over when the smell of food cooking hit me full in the face.

I ignored Grimmjow's snickering.

Kyoraku opened the door wider, gesturing us to come inside with the hand that was holding his wine which he took a quick sip of. "Come on in. We have plenty"

We all rushed inside & crowded around Ukitake who was sauteeing a wok of bell peppers & onions. He glanced at Kyoraku in surprise before smiling at us.

"Well...I hope you kids like sauteed vegetables, teriyaki, spicy eggrolls & crab ragoon"

"We ain't picky! We'd eat a hog in butter sauce right now!" Renji exclaimed, his eyes staring hungrily at the steaming tray of eggrolls Kyoraku pulled out of the oven.

Ukitake look at him, his eyebrows raised. "You know, that actually sounds pretty good, Renji. Kyoraku, sweetheart, might we be able to cook that?"

"Of course, baby. Marinate that sucker overnight in chilled seasoned wine, slap it on the grill for a few minutes until the outside is done, whip up a creamy butter sauce & then toss it in the oven at three hundred & fifty for an hour & a half..." Kyoraku rattled off, tossing some seasoning in the wok then landed a quick peck on Ukitake's cheek, "Or something like that. We'll get around to it once we get back home"

"Please adopt me..." Tatsuki whined & the rest of us begged also which caused Ukitake & Kyoraku to chuckle.

Ukitake & Kyoraku used to be prominent members of our church. Matter of fact, they founded it one hundred & seventy years ago. They were respected & treated like kings...until they announced they wanted to get married. After that, people acted like they had the plague & avoided them. They were not welcomed with open arms anymore but they came regardless from time to time. Their house was farthest away from all the others & the smallest but they didn't seem to mind. Give them some pots, pans, a few ingrediants & a kitchen & they were happy as long as they were together, which I greatly admired from them. Was it possible for me to be happy with another guy like Ukitake & Kyoraku?

After the food was done we all gathered in the living room to eat. The food was ridiculously good & stuck to our bones like a typical Sunday dinner. We asked sweetly for some wine but Kyoraku declined, stating his..."appetite for Ukitake" got him in enough trouble, he wasn't going to be responsible for giving underaged kids alcohol (Grimmjow, Byakuya & Mayuri were the only ones old enough to have some).

The sun was setting as we finished up & couples were taking to the balcony that faced the beautifully setting sun. I stood behind the counter with a glass of sweet tea, sipping it slowly while trying to ignore Uryu & Mayuri making out. Being happy with another man meant coming out to my family, my blood family as well as my church family. I didn't care whether the church accepted me but could I really handle it if my flesh & blood pushed me away? Could I honestly handle that?

"Hey there, lonely girl"

I threw a glance over my shoulder at Grimmjow who was leaning against the doorframe to the kithen, his hands shoved in his pockets & looking as sexy as ever.

"I'm not lonely" I muttered.

"So you don't want company?"

"I never said that"

"So...you do want company?"

"I never said that either"

Grimmjow chuckled & pushed off the frame to come & stand by me, resting his elbows on the counter. We were silent for a long time, two guys in our own thoughts. I vaguely wondered what he was thinking about. Did he ever consider a life with the man of his dreams but possibly without the support of family & friends? Did he ever think it'd be easier just to pretend he was straight? Would he even consider a future with me? That last thought had my whole face turning red. With me? Psh, like he'd ever want to be with me. I was a 17 year old kid & he was 21; technically he'd be considered a pedophile. He would never even consider-

"One day I'm going to graduate from college, become a scientist & invent a machine that would allow me to read your thoughts" Grimmjow rumbled, staring out across the balcony into the vivid sunset.

"Or...you could just ask"

"Alright. So what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing"

He chuckled. "I knew you'd say that. That kind of response just let's me know your mind is working overtime right now"

Suddenly I felt very shy. Was he laughing at me? Did he think I was just funny or really immature? Did he feel the need to keep me company because he wanted to be nice? Jesus, I need answers!

He bumped his shoulder against mine. "There's a patio extending from the basement. We should watch the sunset from there"

I nodded & hid my shaking by finishing off my sweet tea. Oh my God, he wanted to watch the sun set with me! Ah! Ok, ok...play it cool Ichigo. Don't let him know this thrills you.

But all the way down the steps leading into the basement & out onto the patio that was really a sunroom complete with several loungechairs, a chaise lounge & a futon, I was jittery & excited. The sun was almost down now, just an orange half circle on the horizon that threw purple, pink,red & royal blue across the sky. Grimmjow set his loungechair next to mine & crossed his legs at the ankles.

"What will you be doing for Christmas?" he asked me suddenly.

I shrugged one shoulder. "I dunno. Spend time with Yuzu & Karin I guess"

He nodded slowly as if he hadn't considered it. "You should come to that Youth Explosion Christmas party at the church"

"So I can babysit a bunch of badass kids with no respect & more attitude than a ghetto middle aged woman that's been working at Burger King for the past fifteen years & taking our her frustrations of not being promoted out on customers? Yeah, no thanks"

Grimmjow outright laughed. "What? Did you seriously just come up with that on the spot?"

I grinned. I liked his laugh. "Yeah. I'm random like that"

He shook his head. "You really are something else, Ichigo Kurosaki"

We sat in a comfortable silence. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't even notice when the sun had finally set & we were sitting in the glow of floodlights above the entrance door. I looked over at Grimmjow to find his eyes very low. I wasn't sure if he was looking down or fighting sleep but I didn't really want to interrupt his train of thought either.

It was in these moments I noticed exactly how attractive he was. His strong jaw was relaxed; I could see myself running my fingers running across it. His lips were slightly parted with the lights glinting off the sliver of teeth that were showing. I bet his lips were soft & kissable...

He looked up at me, one eyebrow raised & I looked away quickly.

"You're cold?"

I blinked & noticed at that moment I was shivering. I ran a hand over my arms. "Yeah a little, I guess"

He stood & held his hand out for me to take. "Come on, let's get back inside. Kyoraku might be making some hot chocolate or something"

I scoffed at his hand & stood with my own strength. "Yeah..."

As I was walking away Grimmjow took my wrist & pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. He was so warm I shuddered violently & snuggled closer to him. God, he was like a teddy bear with a built in furnace!

He pressed his face into my hair. "Wow. You really are cold"

"You're just really warm" I murmured into his shirt. He smelled so good...Jesus, keep me near the cross.

I leaned back from his chest & happened to look up into his eyes. Have I ever told you just how gorgeous his eyes were? God, they were like two blue suns on fire, full of passion & desire &-wait was he leaning towards me? Was he...was he really about to kiss me right now?!

Warmth flooded my stomach & butterflies went into a roid rage as my eyes slid closed. I've been waiting for a moment like this foreve-

The door opened & Ukitake gave us surprised looks. "Uh...sorry. We thought you two were..."

I stepped out of Grimmjow's embrace. "It's ok, we were just leaving"

Kyoraku peeked over Ukitake's head & grinned. "Hey now! Grimmjow going in for the kill! Score!"

He grunted as Ukitake elbowed him in the stomach & Grimmjow chuckled while I blushed madly.

"I'm trying, Mr. Kyoraku, but he's playing hard to get"

"Ooh that means he's worth the chase!"

"Consider carefully how a relationship with another man would affect your relationship with your family" Ukitake warned gently.

The blue haired freak nodded. "I understand"

Ukitake & Kyoraku snuggled up on the chaise lounge while Grimmjow & I headed back upstairs where only Chad, Bainne, Tatsuki & Renj were present.

"Hey, where'd you two fuck buddies go?" Renji asked.

"We are _not_-" I started, getting angry.

"Downstairs on the patio" Grimmjow answered simply, smacking me lightly on the butt.

I gasped, covering my behind. "How _dare_ yo-"

"Ooh, did Ukitake & Kyoraku catch you two about to have sex? You filthy sinners!"

Grimmjow only chuckled once in response & made his way into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of sweet tea. "Where'd everyone else go?"

"Back to their houses for dinner" Tatsuki answered, her face in her phone & her fingers texting at a thousand words per minute.

"We were waiting for you two" Chad said. Bainne nodded in confirmation.

"Aren't we great friends?" Renji asked wrapping an arm around Grimmjow's shoulders & grinnly goofily.

Grimmjow finished his tea. "Get your arm from around me or I'll show you how & where you can shove that friendship"

"We should head back. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow" Bainne suggested & we all agreed.

Walking back to our house was not the issue. The whole, "There has been reports of bears around" & it being dark that I was worried about. While I tried to convince Grimmjow into sweet talking Ukitake into letting him drive the car so we wouldn't have to walk, the fool was steady trying to convince me he'd protect us.

"Ain't nobody getting eaten by no bear while I'm around" he boasted, flexing his muscles. Ok yeah he had some nice biceps but he was not invincible.

"The bears are more afraid of us than we are of them. They're only black bears; they aren't very aggressive" Chad informed us & began walking back to the house with Bainne's arm around his shoulders.

Grimmjow did the same, wrapping an arm around my waist. "See, baby? Nothing to worry about"

I gritted my teeth & shoved him away from me which only made him chuckle. "Don't call me baby"

Eventually we all caught up with Chad & Bainne & walked to our temporary home, always on the look out for a bear that wasn't as docile as Chad seemed to believe all black bears were. Grimmjow was in a mischievous mood, darting into the woods then jumping out to scare us but besides making Tatsuki drop her phone & inticing a girly scream from Renji, it wasn't as successful as he had planned.

The rest of the night was spent playing Spades, watching tv, cuddling & making out (mainly Uyru & Mayuri), & snacking on the junk food we'd brought. Someone suggested we throw kind of a party but really, we were all kind of tired so we settled for just sitting around listening to music.

Then came bedtime. & boy was I nervous.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I didn't update Tuesday morning. I was partying till the wee hours then nursing a hangover. But updating will go back to its regular scheduling! I hope you guys had a great New Year's & I wish you all the very best in 2013! =]**

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"It's not that big of a deal, Ichigo, just get in the damn bed"

"No! Go sleep on the couch!"

"What is your problem?"

"I'm not going to sleep in the same bed as you, Grimmjow, that's...that's just a no-no!"

Grimmjow threw his head back & laughed. "Are you saying that I tempt you to do sinful things?"

"I...what? Shut up!"

My heart raced as he slowly crawled towards me like a stalking predator & I nearly knocked the picture off the wall when I banged my back into it from backing away from the bed so quickly.

He grinned devilishly. "So I do tempt you. I knew you liked me..."

"W-wha-? I don't..."

I gulped as he slowly made his way over to me, trapping me against the wall for the second time today. Oh sweet Lord, he was about to steal my innocence! Why has thou forsaken me, Father?!

Grimmjow leaned towards me, his breath hot on my face & smelling like cinnamon. "You want me don't you?" he nearly purred, the sound like a rumble in his chest.

"I don't know what you're t-talking about..." I whispered. I hated that my voice trembled & I couldn't speak above a whisper.

"I bet you get hard with a simple hello" he growled, eyes smoldering into mine.

I was trapped like a mouse cornered by a snake. Oh my God, he was going to find out just how right he was if he didn't back up off me!

"Grimmjow..." I whimpered. Ugh, so much for being the dominant uke.

"You think you're so innocent..." he whispered, "But I bet you pleasure yourself at night before bed, don't you?"

His thigh came up & wedged itself between my legs, resting against my crotch. My breathing hitched & my heart inched its way up into my throat as he bit his bottom lip. Oh. My. God.

"Stop it" I tried to say forcefully but it came out as a breathy moan.

"Have you ever jacked off with me in mind, Ichigo? Hm? You ever imagined my hand stroking you slowly?"

I shuddered as his hand fiddled with the zipper of my jeans. I couldn't think, I couldn't move, hell, I could barely breathe. "S...Stop..."

"How do you clean up when you're done? Do you like to lick your cum off of your fingers slowly? I bet you do it with your eyes closed & imagine it's me sucking it off, don't you?"

"G-Grimmjow, please..."

I gasped as he plunged his hand into my boxers & stroked my length slowly. I shuddered again & restrained the moan that bubbled up from my throat. It felt so good...I wanted more but a tug at my heart kept my arms tightly by my side & my body pressed hard into the wall. I felt like I was about to melt into a puddle any second now. Was this what it was like to have sex?

Grimmjow slowly kissed my neck. "You're so beautiful..."

His hand sped up & my eyes rolled in the back of my head. It was such an amazing feeling I couldn't smother the moan that bubbled out of my mouth. "G...G-Grimmjow..."

"Yeah...say my name, baby..."

There was this tight, coiling feeling in the bottom of my stomach. My body felt like it was being set on fire & suddenly Grimmjow's hand wasn't going fast enough for me. "F-faster...please"

He did as I asked & my back arched. What a feeling! All this time, I thought people that claimed they were freaks were just simply sluts. Now I understood why so many people gave me strange looks when I told them I was a virgin. Now I understood why Renji was a whore. Now I understood what I'd been missing out on: sex was addicting!

The coil in my stomach was getting tighter & now my eyes were begining to water with this onrush of pleasure. "Oh my God"

Grimmjow moaned as my fingers raked through his hair (I didn't even realize that my hands were doing that; I couldn't control them), alternating between pressing his soft lips to my neck, my shoulder, my collar bone & nipping me almost painfully. I whimpered again; my legs were trembling & on fire. When was this finally going to built up enough so that I can c-

Oh there it is.

My cry was a mixture between a moan, cussing & a yell that was strained with the effort of trying to stay quiet. All of my muscles were locked tight & my back arched so far off the wall it hurt. "Grimmjow! Uhhhh, fuck...oh my God...oh God...fuck...oh shit! Uhhh shit...shit, shit, shit..."

My limbs trembled as the stars behind my eyelids began to fade & I was able to think clearly. Something about that climax felt like all my pent up frustration & irritation was released as now I felt light weight, like what I imagined smoking weed would feel like.

I opened my eyes & nearly choked on spit as Grimmjow watched me closely, his blue eyes glowing like something out of this world & he licked his fingers slowly. It was then that I noticed that my seed was spilled all over his hand & down his wrist & I blushed furiously.

I hurridly buttoned up my pants, avoiding his eyes but his gaze was burning a hole into my head. Oh my God, what have I done? Or rather, what have I allowed?

Grimmjow crossed the room & got a pillow off the bed & the extra blanket from the closet. "Goodnight Ichigo"

What? After all of that & I just get a...goodnight? I mean...I honestly don't know what I expected him to say but I kind of expected more than just a simple goodnight. "Wait, Grimmjow!"

He turned towards me, his eyebrow up & eyes dark. "Yeah?"

I suddenly felt shy. "I, uh...if you don't want...I mean it's up to you but...if you want to sleep in the bed...it's fine with me..."

He blinked, surprised, then his features melted into a sad smile & he walked out.

I went to bed that night feeling confused & a little used.

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I woke up to the smell of bacon & eggs & my stomach growled loudly, urging me to get up. I sat up with a groan & wiped a hand over my face. I felt like I could still sleep some more even though I probably got like eight, nine hours. I glanced at my cell phone on the bedside table & my jaw nearly fell to the floor. It was half past noon! I'd slept for fourteen hours!

I got up to piss really quick then headed upstairs where Renji had just sat down with his plate of food which was about to be overwhelmed by buttery, cheesy grits, scrambled eggs & sausage.

"Hey, Ichigo!" Orihime waved at me from the living room where she was curled up on the couch around a mug of coffee, "You're just in time for a late breakfast"

I nodded & fixed myself a plate. Besides Renji, everyone was sitting in the living room, in front of the television, watching the Regular Show. As much as I didn't want to, my eyes sought out Grimmjow & when he turned his head towards me I looked away quickly. I didn't feel like thinking about him, much less looking at him. Maybe he had his reasons for all of a sudden not wanting to sleep in the same bed as I but whatever. I didn't care anymore.

I sat across from Renji, my back to the TV & everyone else. "How'd you sleep?"

Renji washed his food down with a noisy slurp from his glass of apple juice. "With my eyes closed"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh fuck you"

"Whoa. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You weren't able to jack off in peace eh?"

I didn't respond; I just simply began mixing my grits, eggs & sausage & forking it into my mouth. The living room was so quiet, minus the television. I was tempted to turn around but I could swear eyes were staring at the back of my head & if I turned around...

Bainne swaggered down the steps, picking his ginger afro & only pants on. "Smells good"

"Hey where's Chad? We're going to need to get going soon" Uryu asked from his spot beside Mayuri who was half asleep.

Bainne only grinned, his eyebrow lifting suggestively. "He just went back to sleep"

Renji laughed loudly & stood to go give the ginger some dap. "My maaaan, the dick put him out, eh?"

"Renji! God, you're so vulgar!" Tatsuki scolded.

I finished my breakfast, careful not to bring too much attention to myself. I already felt exposed & disgusting; that wasn't what I needed right now.

Even though Uryu mentioned the need to get going, we sat around for another two or three hours, watching a Boys Meets World marathon. I sat on the floor with my knees folded up under my chin, not really paying much attention to anything that was going on around me. My body was humming with the desire for..._his _touch again. Everytime I remembered the scene we shared this morning, my dick would twitch & I'm almost positive it wasn't the Holy Spirit.

"Ichigo"

I looked up at Orihme who was leaning over the couch towards me. She & everyone else were standing around in the kitchen or walking out.

"We're getting ready to go to Tosen's house. I think he's playing a game over there or something"

I nodded & stood, my eyes immediately searching for bright blue hair. But I caught myself & looked down at the floor. I didn't want to be faced with him. Not right now.

We all walked up our huge hill then up another one that wasn't quite as big to get to Tosen's house. Tousen wasn't really a member of our church either but he'd been visiting for well over three years now & was our main organist & keyboard player (even though he was blind).

He answered the door when Tatsuki knocked. "Let me guess: Ichigo. Orihime. Tatsuki. Uryu. Of course Mayuri-"

Mayuri made a face as if someone had just farted in his face.

"Renji. Gantanbainne. Chad. Byakuya. Grimmjow"

The hair on my skin raised up & goosebumps skittered down my arms at that last name.

"Your sense of smell is amazing, Tosen" Orihime commented.

"Actually I just smelled Ichigo & assumed the rest of his posse would come along" Tosen said with a shrug of one shoulder & opened his door wider for us to file in.

"But I'm not part of his usual posse" Grimmjow said. I pretended to be very interested in the painting of a field of wildflowers on the living room wall.

Tosen closed the door & made his way to his kitchen where on his laptop a Sevendust video was paused. "Even a blind man could see how inevitable it was, Grimmjow. It was only a matter of time"

That left everyone with a huge question mark on their heads but we moved past it eventually. Tosen had a way of saying things that made you question if he was really blind. He claimed he made people feel that way because his grandmother was a voodoo witch, native of Haiti & she passed her abilities to his mother & then she to him though he has tried to subdue his abilities over the years since the power was used for evil. Whatever but I wasn't ever going to say something to his face about it.

"Where's Shuhei?" Tatsuki asked, looking up from her phone for just a moment.

"In the basement, playing video games with Kira, more than likely"

We all made our way down there to find Kira playing video games & Shuhei playing the guitar.

"Sup, guys?" Shuhei said, looking up at us briefly.

"Hello. Make yourselves comfortable" Kira said, his eyes darting around the television screen as his character fought off a huge golden dragon.

There weren't enough seats for all of us so a lot of us sat on the floor. I didn't mind sitting on the floor, I was more interested in what Kira was playing anyway. I had to keep my mind off of Grimmjow.

"You play video games a lot?" I asked.

"Not a whole lot. Just enough to-shit! This game is cheating! Ugh! Anyway, I just play it every once in a while when I feel restless.

I leaned back at Kira's outburst. Did this guy have tourettes or something?

"Even though video games piss him off" Shuhei muttered, narrowing his eyes at the TV screen.

Kira chuckled. "Nah, they don't necssarily piss me off, it's just a little frustrating someti-oh my fucking God, man! I totally hit him! What the fuck?!"

"Yep. It's only a _little_ frustrating. _Some_ of the time" Shuhei said sarcastically.

I snuck a quick glance over at Grimmjow who was sitting in the Laz-E Boy seat, his legs spread & face tense. Though I wondered what was on his mind to make him look so irritable, I couldn't help staring at his crotch, wishing I could...ugh, I felt like such a slut right now. The more I stared, the hotter the room seemed to get & the more my limbs twitched. God, he was gorgeous.

"Kyoraku brought food, you nerds" Tosen called.

"Aww, hell yeah!" Renji shouted & unwrapped himself from Byakuya to bolt up the stairs.

Everyone filed behind him after a few moments, which only left Grimmjow & I, shuffling & dragging our feet so we didn't have to touch each other & be forced to speak.

"After you" he muttered.

"You go. I'm not very hungry" I mumbled.

"Neither am I"

"Then why are you bothering to go upstairs in the first place?"

"I could ask you the same thing"

I clenched my fists then exploded. "You got a lot of nerve walking out on me this morning like ain't nothing happened between us, you know!"

He rubbed his face tiredly. "Ichigo, let's not go there, a'ight?"

"Oh no, we are going there _hardcore_! How could you do that to me? Do you have any idea how mortifying that is, to have someone jack you off then tell you goodnight & _ignore _you the next day like you weren't worth a grain of salt?!"

He frowned down at me, glancing up at the door. "Keep your voice down"

"Hey, fuck you, alright?! I am _worth _any man or woman's time & not just because I look good either! I am more than just a great lay & I don't care if you think I'm only good while on my back! Or up against the wall, whatever! I deserve better & I will find someone who finds me worth it cause ain't nobody got time for these games, Grimmjow!"

He had me by the shoulders & across the room so quick, I had to blink several times & get over my vertigo before I knew what had happened.

Grimmjow's face was contorted with anger, sadness, frustration & something like desperation. "I _know_, Ichigo! Alright?! I _know _you're worth it, I_ know_ you're more than just a good lay, I _know _you deserve more! I _know!"_

"Then _why_ are you treating me like I embarass you!?" I shouted in his face. I hoped he didn't notice my eyes watering but if he did, he didn't show any signs of it.

He let me go, straightening so that he looked down at me with deadly calm eyes. "It's just as you say, Ichigo: because you deserve better"

While that processed he walked away, taking the steps three at a time & leaving me alone to turn that over in my head.

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	6. Chapter 6

**I realized in the last chapter I didn't do my usual shoutout to the people that reviewed & favorited the story/ me! =x My bad! Thank you all very much for reviewing, favoriting & following! Whether you just do one of them or all three it is very much appreciated because I know there are a bajillion other stories out there better than mine & countless other things that are more important than reading my stories so again, thank you [takes a bow] =]**

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After we finished eating, apparently there were going to be activities at the church. No one was particularly interested in going until Kyoraku mentioned he was going to have a hard time getting the cake that he baked there since it had ice cream in it. I caught a ride with Byakuya, Renji, Tatsuki & Orihime. I vaguely wondered if Tatsuki had the hots for Orihime since they were rarely seen without the other but really, I didn't think the ginger was the tomboy's taste. Matter of fact, I couldn't see Tatsuki with any woman, besides Yoruichi but that purple haired chick was twenty three & even not interested in being in a relationship. Wait...did Tatsuki even like girls-

"Ichigo, you seem deep in thought" Orihime observed.

"Probably fantasizing about Grimmjow jacking him off again" Renji muttered & I smacked him upside the head.

I was horrified to see everyone staring at the door when I came up into the kitchen after Grimmjow left me in the basement. They heard every single word but instead of making fun of me (besides that comment made by Renji) everyone looked at me with pity. Like my life was over or something. That was the worse thing ever & I really just wanted to lock myself in the bedroom until it was time to go Sunday evening. Kyoraku's cooking was the only thing that stopped me from doing so.

"I just want to be left alone, that's all" I muttered.

"Oh Ichigo, I'm sorry. I'm sure Grimmjow didn't mean-" Orihime started.

"Just shut up!" I snapped, "Please. Just stop. I don't want your pity or anyone else's"

There was an awkward silence in the car; even Renji shifted uncomfortably & pretended like everything zooming passed outside the window was so interesting. I didn't mind the silence. I was able to think. Only thing about that was I kept thinking about Grimmjow's crotch & him whispering in my ear as he touched me.

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Come to find out, the "activities" were a fashion show, a talent show, a speech, & a dance at some church that our church rented. It was a big church & kind of reminded me of an upscale log cabin. The floors, the cieling, everything but the furniture was hardwood.

Ukitake led us up two flight of stairs into an auditorium where a few of our church members were setting up lights & doing sound checks.

I noticed Old Man Yama [that's what I called him anyway] wave Ukitake & Kyoraku over & the two excused themselves.

"I wonder where the others are.,..." Renji wondered, wrapping an arm around Byakuya's shoulders.

"You should text them" the dark haired man said quietly.

"Yeah but who has phone service all the way up here?"

"Tatsuki" Orihime put in.

"That helps a lot" I mumbled.

I was about to say something else until someone rudely bumped into my shoulder.

"Hey, watch it!"

The figure turned around & an amused Rukia smirked at me. "You mad bro?"

I scowled at her, crossing my arms to hide the fact that my arm kind of hurt now. "All you had to do was say hey you moron"

"Aw, but Ichi, that's no fun!"

I rolled my eyes at her exaggerated baby voice. God she got on my nerves.

"Rukiaaaa!'

I stepped to the side as Orihime rushed forward to glomp Rukia who was knocked to the floor. Rukia was also a college kid who came to church whenever she came home which was maybe twice a semester. Everyone pretty much thought Orihime had a huge crush on her then when Rukia went off to college the feelings slowly started to erode & Chizuru caught her attention (how? I don't even know. Chizuru was about as distant as a shunned red head step child).

I wandered off, feeling uncomfortable with all the squealing Orihime was doing & Renji & Byakuya making goo goo eyes at each other. I ambled through some of the rooms & hoped I wouldn't walk in on anyone having sex before I finally made my way outside. It was cool & sunny today & now that the sun was about to go down it was getting even cooler. I didn't mind it much; I loved cold weather. I sat on a bench not far from the doors & tucked my knees under my chin.

Randomly, I found myself wishing Grimmjow would come looking for me, telling me the festivities were starting or something. I didn't care about the excuse, I just wanted him to speak to me. But the more I thought about it, the more irritated I got until I really hoped he didn't even bother coming back to the cabin, much less come looking for me. What was his problem anyway? Jack me off & whisper all these sweet nothings then run off to bed with only a goodnight Ichigo & a smirk?

Suddenly I lost my breath & my eyes grew hot. Was he just using me? Was I simply a pet for him to play with until he grew bored? I couldn't believe it...but what other explaination was there? I mean sure I could always ask but...I already knew that was not going to be on my mind when I came face to face with hi-

The door opened & Yoruichi stuck her head out before her golden eyes landed on me.

"Hey, punk, whatcha doing out here in the cold all alone?"

I scoffed, ducking my head into my shoulders a bit more. "I just wanted to be alone, is all"

"Yeah well unless you're not hungry, I suggest you come on. Ukitake & Kyoraki cooked most of the food so it's going fast"

"I'll be in there soon"

She chuckled & turned to go back in. "Alright but don't bitch about being hungry cause ain't nobody save you anything"

"Whatever" I muttered too low for her to hear.

After a few minutes though, I took my ass back inside. It was getting cold & I really would bitch about it if there was none of Ukitake's & Kyoraku's dishes left.

I arrived just in time to get the last big serving of lasagna, the last two deviled eggs, the last wheel of quiche & the last slice of cookies & cream ice cream marble cake [diabetes all in one slice. Fun, fun). I sat at a long, rectangular table across from Shuhei, Kira & Soi Fon between Tatsuki & Rangiku.

"So how long you been playin' that guitar, hun?" Rangiku was asking Shuhei who had his head down to hide his blush.

"Uh...f-four years, I guess..."

"Aw that is so cute. I wish I could play an instrument; that is so hot"

I looked away quickly when she leaned over to grab the container of sake. Rangiku meant well & was generally cool but she had a reputation of being a whore since it seemed like all of her shirts were tailored to show off her cleavage, much to the embarassment of men & boys & the irritation of the women. She & Soi Fon were juniors in college & 23 years old yet polar opposites. Where Rangiku is loud, cheerful & outgoing, Soi Fon was quiet & very to herself.

"Did you start playing for a particular reason or...?" Tatsuki trailed off. For once her face was not in her phone.

Shuhei nodded, taking a sip of his Sprite. "I began playing because I was forced into a guitar class in eigth grade. I'd just transferred & they didn't know where to put me so they put me there & after I moved on the ninth grade I just kept playing"

Rangiku pouted at losing Shuhei's attention but then she brightened as she looked at me. "Ichigoooo! You look adorable today"

"Thanks, Rangiku" I muttered, nearly drooling as a watched a bit of cheese slowly drop from a cliff of lasagna.

"I never told you how attracted I am to you, did I? Especially since you're a ginger like me. I've always had this things for gingers & redhea-"

"I never told you I was gay, did I?"

Rangiku cocked her head. "You're gay? Renji told me you were bisexual"

I was going to strangle that red headed pineapple!

"Hey"

My eyebrows raised as Rangiku put a gentle hand on my arm & her voice took on a rare seriousness & maturity.

"If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here, ok? You know I don't care what your orientation is"

I smirked & nodded. "Thanks Rangiku. I'm good"

We all turned towards the front of the room where Deacon Gin grabbed a mic. "Hello, hello. Thank you all for coming out. We really appreciate it. We also extend a thanks to Ukitake & Kyoraku for cooking"

There was light, polite applause from most of the audience but the young adults cheered loudly & whooped & hollered.

"Right. So let's get this fashion show started!"

He snapped & Tosen, who stood off to Gin's right, clicked something on his laptop & a pulsing, techno beat filled the room. Everyone clapped in time to the beat.

"First up we have Ururu Tsumugiya, showing off her pink & gold Juicy Couture high tops! Work it!"

Ururu came out shyly from behind the curtain & quickly walked from one end of the stage to the other before skittering backstage again. I smirked & cheered loudly for her. She was a sweet kid but I don't think she'll ever come out of her shell.

"Next, Jinta Hanakari flaunts his Harley Davidson vest, complete with a personally handstitched wing design on the back!"

Jinta slipped out & strutted almost like a professional model, his face emotionless & stony. His fiery red hair, so much like Renji's, was slicked back, giving him a more mature look.

"Alright, ok, get off the stage kid, you're not sexy" Deacon Gin muttered & Jinta made a 'shove it' gesture at him as he walked off.

"Moving on, we have Ririn! Come on out here, girl & falunt them tresses"

Ririn strutted out, her blond hair done in Shirley Temple curls. They bounced & jiggled as she walked but apparently that wasn't enough for her for she shook her head wildly.

"Alright, wild thing, we see you have hair now move along" Deacon Gin sneered.

"What a prick, he doesn't have to be mean to the kids" Rangiku said.

"He's just mad cause there are too many eyes around for him to touch them" Tatsuki retorted & Shuhei nearly spat out his soda.

Kira chuckled. "I'm sure Jinta wouldn't allow Deacon Gin to touch on him like that. That boy is a firecracker"

My heart dropped. That's what Grimmjow called me several times. Did he think that nickname was endearing enough to get in my pants? Did he think all along that I was an easy lay?

I couldn't get that off my mind for the rest of the fashion show & all through out the talent show. I couldn't even taste my lasagna. I do remember Shuhei played the guitar, Noba did a mime act, Kurodo sang opra, Kenpachi & Ikkaku performed capoeira & Mabashi did magic tricks but there were other acts that I was completely zoned out on so I don't remember what was going on.

After the talent acts took a bow, Deacon Gin wished everyone a good night & people stood to leave.

I frowned. "There's not a dance?"

Kira raised an eyebrow. "Was there supposed to be one?"

"Well yeah, my dad approved for one right after the talent show"

"I didn't know there was supposed to be a dance" Rangiku said then asked Deacon Kariya (who's name was Jin but we didn't want he & Deacon Gin Ichimaru to be confused), who happened to be passing by, "You know anything about the dance?"

"Dance? What dance?"

"My dad approved of a dance to take place after the talent show" I spoke up.

Kariya shrugged one shoulder. "I'll ask Gin about it but I don't know anything about a dance"

We sat patiently as the two talked about it, Gin's body language hinting that he was annoyed & Kariya seemingly defensive.

Kariya walked back over to us, his face in a scowl. "The church only rented this room until eleven tonight"

"Well what time is it?" I asked, annoyed.

Shuhei checked his phone. "10:57. Dang, that's so lame"

"That's what happens when people can't plan for a simple event" Kariya said with a shrug & walked away.

Chizuru, Byakuya, Renji, Uryu, Mayuri, Orihime & Grimmjow all caught up with us then, looking just as confused & annoyed as we were at the moment.

"Wasn't there supposed to be a dance or something?" Uryu asked.

"The Planning Committee only rented this one room & we have to be out of here in three minutes" Kira relayed, "Stupid fucking mother fuc-"

Shuhei slapped him upside the head to stop his tourettes rant.

"Thanks man"

"No problem"

"Wow that's lame. That means we gatta go back to our cabins?" Renji asked.

"Obviously" Soi Fon muttered. Renji made a face at her.

"We'll just have a party at our cabin, no big deal" Mayuri said & we all relaxed. We had the whole house to ourselves so we'd might as we-

"Don't think so, guys"

We turned as Minister Ginjo passed us with the soundboard in his arms.

"None of these houses are authorized to hold a party, especially not for you youngins"

"What?! We ain't children, ya know!' Renji snapped.

"No but that immature attitude holds you back from having a party"

"This is so stupid" I groaned, running a hand down my face.

"Listen, let's just go have a bonfire at the lake or something" Grimmjow suggested, "It's been a long day anyway, too much work trying to have a party"

Everyone murmured in agreement & shuffled out to the parking lot so that we could drive back to our cabin.

I climbed into Byakuya's backseat. As I looked around I noticed he was still inside, talking to Deacon Gin & I sighed impatiently. Deacon Gin could talk for _hours_. I was shocked, a bit annoyed & kind of excited when Grimmjow slid into the seat beside me in the backseat of thecar. My heart hammered so loud, I was almost certain he was about to tell me to chill out. But after he sat there & ignored me for a few minutes my heart went back to normal pace & irritation set in.

"You do know it's rude to ignore someone right?" I asked, frowning.

He only shifted so that his legs were spread far apart & he was able to slouch.

"Oh you must not care about manners. Obviously not since you just jacked me off & leave m-"

"If you knew why I walked out on you Ichigo, you'd understand" he growled, staring aimlessly out the window.

"Yeah? Well why don't you explain it to me then, since obviously I don't understand!"

He only sighed in frustration & shook his head, continuing to stare aimlessly out the window.

"If you're going to sit there & pretend I'm not here then you might as well get out!" I shouted.

Without a word, he shoved the door open & stepped out, slamming the door as hard as he could & stomped off. How immature. What was the point of coming in here to ignore me then stomping off with an attitude when I call you out on it? I had every right to ask why he did what he did! It wasn't like it was irrational!

I swear I always fall for his type.


	7. Chapter 7

**A big thank you to everyone who favorited, read, & reviewed! For every update at least two people favorite the story so that makes me feel reeeeeally good =]. Since classes have started, updating may not be every week as I'd like so in case I don't update on time, please forgive me! Anywho, enjoy the update!**

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Walking down to the lake with a bunch of rowdy teens & young adults in pitch blackness (save for several people turning on their flashlight app), walking steep hills & through the woods with the threat of us running into a bear in the back of my mind was not an experience I wanted to relive again. There was always that one jackass who felt the need to scare everyone by popping out of the shadows & that didn't help my nerves in any way. By the time we got to the lake I was paranoid.

"Someone come with me to go get some firewood!" Renji said.

"Take your fuck buddy" Mayuri said nonchalantly, his arm draped lazily over Uryu's shoulder as they wandered down to the water.

"Byakuya ain't gon' do shit if they run into bears" Bainne chortled.

"Except scream" Chad threw in & there was a round of laughter while Byakuya was held back by Renji, who was trying to tell his uke to ignore them.

"You guys are idiots" Soi Fon muttered. The ones nearest her jumped, as no one knew she'd even come

"Let's go ahead & get this firewood so we can get this bonfire started" Tatsuki suggested & we all sort of went in different directions.

Of course, since today was just _not _my day Grimmjow began walking in my general direction. He swooped down to examine a log before deeming it bonfire worthy & continued walking. I really struggled with the urge to talk to him & the urge to just ignore him. Oh, trust, I had _plenty _I wanted to say to him but in a way I didn't want to either (unless he presented me an opening of course).

Within earshot, walking to the other side of me was Shuhei & Kira. I racked & searched my brain for something to talk about just to get my mind off of Grimmjow (& to also make him feel very left out).

"Hey Kira" I called.

"Yeah?"

"Gunna get that new Code of Duty game when it comes out?"

There was murmuring before he answered, "The what now?"

"You know, that...military game...on XBox...you know..."

Shuhei's deep chuckled rolled across the woods. "You mean Call of Duty, Ichigo?"

I felt so embarassed I wasn't sure if Grimmjow was snickering (not that I care, mind you. I hoped he tripped on a log & broke his neck. Forgive me, Jesus)

"Uh...yeah! Yeah, you knew I was joking, Shuhei" I said, forcing a laugh, "You know how I do, getting all tongue tied & shit"

Shuhei chuckled some more. "Yeah, mam. I didn't know you were really into video games like that though"

"Pshhh, I'm a frickin' nerd, man" I answered, examing a log before skittering away quickly when I felt an insect crawl across my hand.

"Really? What are your favorite games?"

"Uh...you know...Call of Duty...umm...Hearts in the Kingdom or something like that..."

"Kingdom Hearts..."

"Yeah, that one. Umm...let's see, I love Mario. & Left 4 Dead. & Skyrim-"

"That's a pc game" Grimmjow interrupted.

The _nerve!_ "I was not even talking to you so you can just continue walking by yourself & being alone" I snapped, rolling my eyes in his direction. I wanted to punch him in his throat when he chuckled.

"Kingdom Hearts, eh?" Shuhei called, "Have you defeated Sephiroth?"

"Who? Uh I mean...yeah man. I beat him like...like he stole something. Easy peasy"

"Really now? How did you counter or dodge his Harvest attack?"

"I uh...I just...you know...ran around in circles..."

Shuhei laughed. "It's ok if you're not a gamer, Ichigo. No need to lie"

I sighed. "Alright fine. Those are just games I wanted to play"

"Really?"

"No..."

I couldn't be mad at all three of them laughing...but really I was just mad at one of them. Why laugh at my jokes when you jacked me off then walked away with a simple goodnight then the next day ignore me? You should just continue ignoring me like everyone else with common sense!

We all filled our arms up with logs then took it back to the beach. Uyru already had a little pile of logs that he was trying to get to lean against the other so that it looked like a teepee. We added our logs then sat in the sand, the moon rising over the water. It was pretty & peacefully quiet & almost kind of...romantic.

"Hey I'mma go take a piss in the water" Mayuri announced.

Mood ruined.

"Why announce it? Fuckin' attention whore" I muttered.

"Because I know you're going to be imagining how long my dick is & wonder how many times I shake it when I'm done" the creep hissed, running his slimy fingers through my hair. I shook him off & swung my hand back to clop him in the face but he moved back too quickly.

More groups with logs came & added to fire & within minutes Uyru had the fire roaring & cracking.

"Crank the music!" Kira shouted & Tatsuki pulled out a little speaker from her bag & hooked it up to her phone.

Slight Work by Wale blared through the speakers but she skipped it & went to Birthday Song by 2 Chains, which caused everyone to start cheering & dancing. I made a cross on my chest, kissed my knuckle & raised it to the sky. Forgive me, Father but I couldn't help but dance to this song.

As I danced, I forgot about Grimmjow. I forgot about my frustrations, my irritation...everything. I was only concerned with having a good time & damn it, I was successful.

"I got the drinks!"

We all turned towards Yoruichi who was holding up a keg of beer & a box of assorted alcoholic drinks ranging from vodka to brandy. Everyone but me cheered & bum rushed her, almost knocking her over. I sat down by the fire & picked up a stick, drawing random patterns in the sand.

"We need to talk"

I stiffened before rolling my eyes. "Oh now you want to talk when we had a perfectly good opprotunity to do so in the car but instead you decided to walk out & slam the door like some child?"

"Alright, alright. Call off the dogs, Ichigo, I come in peace"

Butterflies rammed into the walls of my stomach as Grimmjow sat down beside me but I kept my face in a neutral expression.

"Look. I wasn't trying to be a jackass the night when I jacked you off & walked away-"

I struggled against it but I was pretty sure my face was tomato red.

"& I would've said something in the car but I...I don't know, I guess I didn't feel it was the right time"

"It was the perfect time!" I snapped.

He grinned when I glared at him. "I understand you're mad at me, firecracker, but hear me out"

I crossed my arms & scowled at him, preparing myself for a stupid excuse that would conjur God's lightening to strike him down where he sat.

He ran a hand through his hair several times as if he was nervous & thinking of something to say. "Look...I ain't a sap or anything so I ain't gunna give you this long, moving speech then expect you to hug or kiss me when I'm done"

I sighed. "Then just tell me what's on your mind, Grimmjow"

"Ok. Look, I didn't...walk away because I was disappointed or something like that. I know you probably see that my moods are...switching, a lot. I go from flirting with you, to jacking you off, to walking away then ignoring you then I'm talking to you again but Ichigo, I just...I just wish I hadn't did that to you"

I frowned but not in an angry way. "Why?"

"You are one in a million. Most kids your age-"

"Hey!"

"Sorry. Most guys your age have already lost their virginity by now & their libido is running rampet by the time they're twenty. But you...you're still pure. & I feel like touching you & giving you a taste of what you were missing will change what makes you so special"

Um. Can you say whoa? That was a lot to take in just then. "You...you didn't use me?"

He looked hurt for a moment before he laughed in a poor attempt to cover it. "No. No, never. I have moments when I can be mean but I'd never do that, especially not to you. You're a good guy with a good heart. I just don't want you fiending for sex"

"Like Renji or Mayuri"

"Exactly"

We shared a little laugh & with it, a huge burden that I didn't even realize I was carrying was lifted off my shoulders. He wasn't using me as I'd thought; he just didn't want me to be corrupted. So...did this mean maybe I had a chance with him...?

"Ichigo! Hey, Ichigo, the drinks are going fast, you better come get you some! You too, Jow Jow!" Renji called.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes (I assume at the stupid pet name) & I chuckled.

"Better go get your alcohol" I said.

"You want anything?" he asked, standing.

"Nah. But if they have some S'mores, I'm game"

He chuckled & nodded. "You big kid"

Oh sweet Jesus...something about the way that man walked away made goosebumps race up & down my body. I'm not sure if it was the swagger, his attractive gluts or both but I just could not look away. I made a cross over my chest, kissed my fingers & raised them to the sky. I just sinned in forty-two different religions with the impure thoughts I just had.

The rest of the night & into the wee hours of the morning we danced & sang & drank as if we were forest sprites. I didn't have alcohol but I felt drunk & light headed from dancing & laughing so much. I danced with Orihime & Tatsuki, Byakuya & Yoruichi [I ended my dance with the purple haired feline kind of soon because Soi Fon's glare made me nervous] but my favorite dances were with Grimmjow. We slow danced, tango'ed, did some...ahem...raunchy dances where I twerked on his crotch [I'm sorry God, I'll repent fully tomorrow, I promise] but it was all in good fun.

Once the overseer [who was kind of like a park ranger] came to do his rounds, he shut our festivities down, claiming the residents were complaining that we were being too loud. We went after arguing with him for a while though, being that it was very early in the morning & we were tired. If the residents really were complaining about how loud we were being at the beach I _know _they were fuming at how loud we were as we walked back to our houses. Many were drunk & slurring as they sang off key & the more sober ones were laughing like hyenas [mainly Renji]. But none of that really mattered; we'd had fun & Grimmjow had his arm around my shoulders, his cheek resting on the top of my head as we talked.

Once home we all kind of crashed in various areas. Most were in the main floor living room as not many dared to climb or descend the stairs but I took Grimmjow down to our room. He could barely keep his eyes open though he claimed he was not sleepy.

"I am...fffine, Ichi" he slurred as he sat on the bed, smiling sleepily at me.

"You are trying so hard to act like you ain't drunk & failing miserably" I said, chuckling & taking off my shoes.

"Awww...b-baby, gimme some credit. At leas' I ain't throwin' up"

"Thankfully or I would've left you at the lake"

He laughed a little too loud but I still liked the sound of it. "Ishigo...you funny man..."

"Yeah, yeah. Lay down before you give yourself a hernia"

I searched my duffel bag for my wife beater & sweatpants, regretting putting my pajams in there in the first place. Shuffling under various shirts, pants, shorts, boxers, socks...by the time I got around to finding my sweatpants I was too tired to look for my wife beater & just decided to sleep in my Stay Classy shirt that I'd been wearing all day. It was a little sweaty but it was not biggie to just hop in the shower in the morn-

I froze as two strong arms wrapped around my abdomen & soft lips brushed against my ear. I thought he was about to speak but instead he just nuzzled his nose into my hair & left hot traces of butterfly kisses on the back of my neck & shoulders.

"Wha-...what are you doing Grimmjow?" I whispered. I'm not sure why I was speaking so softly.

"Shhh..."

I did my best to hold still & be silent as his rough hands slowly slid up under my shirt & stroked the skin of my belly almost lovingly. I was afraid that if I moved or made even a small sound the spell would break & Grimmjow would stop. The other hand wrapped around my hip, pulling me back into his hard chest & even harder groin.

"Do you want me?" he whispered huskily, lips brushing the shell of my ear.

"Yes" I said. No hesitation, no bashfulness, just a straightforward answer. Right now, I was only in tune with what my body wanted.

As his lips pressed & brushed over the skin of my neck my eyes closed & a soft exhale left my mouth. My body hummed as his right hand moved upwards & his calloused finger tips brushed my nipple until they pebbled. Grimmjow chuckled darkly & nipped my neck as I gasped, my head rolling back to rest on his shoulder. He led me backwards a few steps then lowered me onto the bed, climbing on top of me & a tingle of panic hit me in the face.

"W-wait, Grimmjow-"

"Shhh" he hissed as he kissed his way down my torso.

I knew there had been a reason for me speaking just a minute ago but I quickly lost that train of thought as his licked the lines that pointed down towards my groin. His large hands wrapped around both sides of my hip & squeezed my butt cheeks. I was panting harder than a track star & fighting the urge to buck my hips as he licked everything other than what I really wanted him to.

"Ah...G-Grimmjow...please"

I whimpered as he stopped & rose up, firey blue eyes searing into my face as he slowly took my pants off & then his own. My heart picked up speed. This was really happening. I was really about to lose my virginity!

But instead of raising my legs to rest on his shoulders like I thought he would, he simply laid on top of me, his elbows supporting his weight. Oh so ever slowly he rocked his hips like one of those guys on Youtube that danced really seductively & the action caused our groins to rub together deliciously.

"Oh...my God" I breathed.

Grimmjow's eyes rolled closed & his mouth fell slack as he did it again, enticing a moan from the both of us. I looked down between us just to see how...big he was & my eyes widened as his angry red head slid past my belly button. I was tempted to reach down & stroke it but the feeling was already becoming too overwhelming at the moment, not to mention I was kind of afraid the touch would throw him off, break him out of his spell.

Grimmjow's hips sped up & the coil in my stomach prepared for launch. Was _this _like sex? It felt even better than him jacking me off. What would it feel like if he...entered me? Judging by his length & girth, I'm sure it would hurt...but that train of thought was making my cock go soft.

"Aw shit..." he moaned.

I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or scream. The coil was continuously squeezing tighter & tighter & my eyes were begining to water. Grimmjow had picked up so much speed, you could hear skin slapping skin. My hand shot down between our bodies without my consent & stroked his rock hard cock. It had a steel-in-silk feeling to it, a texture that had my mouth watering. Suddenly...I wished I could give him a blowjob.

Grimmjow inhaled slowly through gritted teeth, his eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Uhhhh, shit, Ishigo...ah fuck, baby..."

His hips thrusted & he stiffened before ribbons of cum spurted out onto my belly & a few seconds later I was right behind him, my eyes squeezed shut & mouth opened to scream but nothing came out. It was a more intense climax than when he jacked me off & lasted longer. My arms & thigh muscles twitched sporatically & it took me a while to realize I was still stroking his somewhat still hard cock.

He slowly licked his lips, his eyes smoldering. "You sure you want to keep doing that?"

I slowed to a stop before dipping my fingers in our mingled cum on my stomach & licking the digits slowly, keeping eye contact with him. His eyelids lowered & his bared his canines, hissing sexily. I wanted him in me so bad but it felt awkward just _thinking _about asking him to do such a thing. I may have stepped up my game a bit but I wasn't completely out of my shell!

Grimmjow reached up & gently took my hand, kissed it slowly then my cheek & laid down beside me, draping an arm around my waist. "Goodnight, Ishigo"

I stared at his face, already softening from relaxing. This abrupt...bidding wasn't as hurtful as the first time...but it was still weird. What if I wanted to talk a little huh?! What if I wasn't ready to go to sleep?!

But I simply grinned & pressed myself against his hard, hot body, pressing my lips the spot above his heart. "Goodnight Grimmjow"


	8. Chapter 8

**Somehow I was able to update on time. WOOOO! Thank you guys so very much for favoriting, reviewing & following! I know I say it in every chapter but I feel the need to acknowledge it because there are a lot more people even bothering to read this story than I originally thought & it makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside :3**

**SN: Some of you are pointing our how similar this story is to PhoenixDiamond's Lead Me Not Into Temptation. Her story inspired this one [obviously] so yes, the first chapters are very similar, I will admit. Phoenix is very well aware of how similar these stories are; she was the one who encouraged me to post it. While it makes her feel good that she has dedicated readers who stand up for her work & I hope one day I'll be just as great in someone's eyes, there's no need to run to her calling me a bitch or whatever other funky non-imaginative name you can come up with. She knows. I know. & now you know**

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Without thinking, when I woke up, I reached out, hoping to find a warm body beside me but instead my fingers clutched cool sheets. I yawned & sat up slowly, reluctant to get out of this comfortable bed but it wouldn't be comfortable for long if I didn't get up & go to the bathroom.

After I did my business, shook three times then washed my hands I headed upstairs. Mayuri & Uryu were on the couch, their luggage & bags in front of them. Orihime was sipping a mug of coffee & talking to Tatsuki who was nodding occassionally & texting furiously. Byakuya, Chad, & Chizuru were packing & eating the food we'd brough, chatting away.

"Oh hey Ichigo, Grimmjow & Renji outside packing the car so you might wanna bring your luggage up" Orihime said.

"You hungry?" Chizuru asked me, pausing in the middle of putting a box of crackers in a grocery bag.

I shook my head. "No thanks. I have to get my stuff"

Just as I was about to head downstairs, the front door opened & Renji & Grimmjow stepped through.

"Anymore bags? Besides the food bag...which is going to be in my lap" Renji said with a smirk.

"Well I have to get my-" I started.

"I got your stuff, sweetheart" Grimmjow interrupted me smoothly, smirking then winking, "Take a load off & get you something to eat"

Renji raised his eyebrows at him then at me & whistled. "Sweetheart? Guess make up sex heals quicker than time, eh?'

He protested as Grimmjow gave him a hard slap upside the head while I was still standing there, a little shocked. Sweetheart? So...he must've remembered what happened between us this morning. Did this mean we were an item or was this another one of this pranks to tease me? Either way I couldn't help the blush that covered my face & the urge to cover my face in embarassment.

"What's the point of packing if we're not planning on leaving until tonight anyway?" Mayuri grumbled, flipping through the stations.

"Because who do you think would leave a bunch of young adults here with no supervision? Young _attractive _adults & they all have a thing for each other?" Tatsuki replied with a roll of her eyes.

"You have a thing for someone?" Renji asked, genuinely surprised & she shot him a glare.

Bainne walked from downstairs, a towel around his waist & his chest & arms dripping with water. I noticed most people looked down or at the television & I was confused until I noticed the very noticeable outline in his towel. When my eyebrows shot up, I looked at Chad & his brown eyes glared dangerously at me & I looked at the television.

"So when we leaving?" Bainne asked, grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge & screwing the cap off.

"Sometime tonight" Grimmjow answered, staring at the cieling.

"When the old folks leave, we oughta have a house party"

"Yeah...mhm"

"Aye...why y'all so quiet...?"

"You're hard, Bainne" Chad said bluntly.

Bainne looked down at himself like he hadn't noticed. "Oh. Well how 'bout you come & handle that for me, eh?"

I don't know if it's because Chad is my friend or if it was just too early for all of this but that just made me feel extremely uncomfortable. When you look at Chad & his muscular frame, you didn't picture him getting it up the ass or giving head to some guy! You didn't picture him doing _anything _sexual!

"Is that an order?" he asked & the ginger chuckled sexily.

"If you want to take it that way. I'll grab the chocolate sauce, you get the leash & we can play master & slave again"

"Whelp, time to go" Renji exclaimed & hauled up the stairs three at a time. Byakuya followed a few minutes later.

"Men are such dogs. Yes even you" Uyru muttered the last part to Mayuri

"But you love me for it" the creep responded.

"Meh...I can do without it"

"& this is where I make my great escape" Grimmjow said, put an arm around my shoulders & let me downstairs.

He flopped down on our bed once we got to our room & stretched out his long limbs. "Babe, your luggage was heavy enough for me to benchpress. Did you pack your entire wardrobe in there or something?"

I stopped. Babe? When did that nickname come about? I mean I'm not complaining but what was different about earlier this morning verses the time he jacked me off?

I sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah. I did pack a lot of clothes & stuff but I had no idea what the weather would be like up here"

My eyes travelled down his well toned body (without my permission, mind you!) to his crotch & I found it really, _really _hard to look away. Jesus, keep me near the cross! Take the wheel, deliver me from this damn temptation!

I blinked as Grimmjow sat up & leaned forward, his eyes boring into mine.

I swallowed hard after a few moments of silence. "What?"

"A penny for your thoughts" he murmured.

I shifted, looking at everything but those eyes. Where do I start? I mean it wasn't like we were at a stage in our...relationship (for lack of a better word) where I could just be all up in my feelings & open the floodgates of my heart.

"We've spent enough time around each other for you to be real with me Ichigo..." he said in a low voice, blue eyebrows raising in expectation.

I breathed a quick puff of air through my nose as a snort. "We just started talking two days ago, Grimmjow"

"I'm just saying...if this is not something you want...it won't hurt my feelings if you want to back out"

& then...he gently took my hand in his. I was officially confused. "Umm...what thing?"

"Our relationship, of course. I understand you want to take it slow"

"This is not about me wanting to take it slow, it's about your mixed signals!"

He frowned. "I apologized for walking out on you last time"

"You expressed regret, that's not the same as apologizing"

Now irritation was settling into his features. "Then what exactly _is _apologizing, Ichigo? Crawling on my hands & knees & licking your shoes clean while begging for forgiveness? Is it an apology if I put on a dunce cap & sit in a corner until I've thought about what I've done? Or is it an apology when _you _deem it so?"

I slapped a hand over my mouth quickly & turned away. Why, Lord? Why did he have to give me the image of him with a dunce cap on, sitting in a corner, all hunched over & ashamed? This was supposed to be a serious moment & I'm sitting here laughing!

I heard him sigh & I tried my absolute hardest to stop my shoulders from shaking. "Ichigo...Ichigo, come on stop crying..."

I turned towards him & laughter erupted from my mouth without warning, making his eyebrows rise high on his forehead before he was smiling, then laughing himself. I have no idea what had come over us just then but we laughed & laughed until we were crying & our stomachs felt like they had six packs (even though he already had one). I was gasping for air & struggling not to start all over again before I attempted to look at him.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked, shaking his head & chuckling.

"Just...imagining you in a corner with a dunce ca-" I interrupted myself with laughing & Grimmjow rubbed his forehead, chortling.

I don't know how long this went on, fifteen, twenty minutes maybe. By the time I was done laughing though I was sweating, my eyes were wet & I had my head near his leg. I stared at the cieling as I calmed down & we sat in silence.

"You think there is some Christian out there who accepts gays with open arms?" I whispered after a few minutes.

"I'm not sure. It's a nice thought though" Grimmjow replied, running his fingers through my hair.

"Wouldn't it be something if two gays got married in our church?"

A deep, rich chuckle vibrated through his body. "Yeah, it would be something. Then again, fantasy always is"

I sat up. "Maybe one day...faaaar into the future...there will be a couple like that. The first gay couple married in a church. _Our _church"

He lifted an eyebrow, smirking. "Are you proposing to me?"

I blushed furiously & hit him playfully in the chest. "No you moron! I'm just saying! That would be one service I'd love to attend"

He gently pulled me to him. "Or be in"

When he kissed me I felt like those cartoons where the character's legs started doing some funky stuff & then they shot into the air & burst into fireworks...ok, maybe not that dramatic but boy, was it a great feeling! I sighed & my eyes slid closed as my hand came up to rest on his chest. He pulled me closer with a hand to the back of my head.

The kiss was simple & sweet but I know Grimmjow was really holding back. There were a few times when his tongue swipped my lip & I opened my mouth but instead of questing in with his tongue he simply nibbled on my lip. I wasn't sure if he was too nervous to do so or if he thought it'd be too much for me but either way I wasn't complaining.

He finally leaned away from me & I slowly opened my eyes, feeling lightheaded.

He chuckled once, biting his bottom lip. "Wow, Ichigo..."

"Wow what? What is it?"

For a moment he could only shake his head & chuckle. "You don't even realize how the little things you do are such a turn on. You make it hard for me to not fuck you until you're hoarse"

It didn't take much thought processing for the blush to react to his words & color my entire face red. I wanted to be bold & try & seduce him into fucking me but the words died in my throat & I ended up sputtering & looking down at the blanket.

Grimmjow chuckled a bit more then relaxed against the headboard, picked up the television remote & began flipping through stations.

I frowned. "Wait...so...you brought me down here...just to kiss me...?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Even if I did I could have very well done it in front of everyone else"

"I...but...so why did you bring me down here?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "I just put my arm around your shoulder. You could've chosen to stay upstairs"

I flung a pillow at his face which he easily caught. "You ass! Brought me down here for nothing!"

Grimmjow looked at me with both of his eyebrows raised now. "You thought I brought you down here for a particular reason?"

When I didn't say anything he let out a short bark of a laugh before composing himself.

"You thought I was about to fuck you?"

Ok see, that actually wasn't why I thought he brought me down here...until he kissed me. Great, now I looked like a whore.

He leaned forward & gripped my chin gently. All joking was gone from his eyes & tone of voice. "I told you, I didn't want to corrupt you. Even if you think you're ready for sex, you aren't. I understand you have your faults but that doesn't mean it's ok for me to take advantage of you in your moment of weakness"

I looked away, feeling even more embarassed than I already was. I couldn't just _tell _him how I felt. Neither one of us were the mushy, touchy feely kind of guys. But boy did I wish I could tell him.

He let go of my chin & resumed flipping through the channels. "Now what will we do when we get back home?"

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Are we going to keep this a secret or will we tell our families?"

"I...I don't know Grimmjow. I don't think telling would be a good idea..."

He seemed a little irritated at that answer, judging by the clench of his jaw. "Yeah. Let's keep it a secret like all the other down low Christians in our church"

"Well what do you suggest? I'd much rather not get kicked out of my dad's house right now, not being financially stable & all! Or have you forgotten I'm the pastor's son & expected _not _to be gay?"

Grimmjow chuckled humorlessly. "Sure, Ichigo. Whatever you say"

Anger swelled up in me & pride reared its head. "No! It is not whatever I say! What does us coming out accomplish besides being shunned by everyone in the church & our families?"

"Yeah because our families will _definitely _push us away, Ichigo. There's no possible way around it"

"Grimmjow you got one more time to get sarcastic with me before I punch you in the eye..."

He smiled even though he tried hard not to. "All I'm saying is we don't _need _to come out. Not like we're about to get married or anything"

"If not now then when?"

"When we are ready! We've been dating all of about twelve hours, give or take & you're already preparing a coming out speech"

I was taken aback; not by what he said but the fact he considered us a couple now. The memories flew through my head like a movie in rewind. When did we become official? Was I even mentally present when this happened?!

I sighed. "Fine. But as a young adult you should be a role model to your friends & the people my age & let them know it's ok to be gay"

Grimmjow scoffed. "I ain't even a great Christian, much less a role model"

"It's never too late to start"

There was a knock at the door, cutting off whatever Grimmjow was about to say, & Renji peeked in.

"Hey lovebirds, sorry to interrupt your cake time but we're all going to Tosen's house. He's having a little goodbye banquet or something & Kyoraku & Ukitake are cooking"

Grimmjow stood & stretched. "Just in time too. I'm starving like an African child"

"Oh you're going to hell, dude..." Renji muttered while I covered up a smile.

...

...

..

.

I moaned as I forked the chicken alfredo into my mouth. Oh, bless him God, Kyoraku's cooking was good enough to make a sinner repent. God Himself inserted His holy foot into this dish, as well as the buttered Texas toast & stuffed mushroom caps.

While everyone in the living room talked loudly, Grimmjow & I talked quietly in the little dinette room which was really just a dinner table between the kitchen counter & the living room couch. He told me about how he realized he was gay after he'd had a threesome with two of his friends & he was more attentive to his male friend than the female. I felt just a little twinge of jealousy but I was careful not to react; jealousy this early in the relationship would doom it for sure.

"So what did you do to him?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at the cieling as if the answer was written there. "Well...I mean we were only like 13 so it wasn't like we had the most awesome butt sex in our entire lives or anything but I remember I stroked him off while he was doing something to the girl. He didn't really react but boy, when he came I didn't think it'd ever end"

I didn't say anything for while. Could I ever do that to Grimmjow? With the way things are going, maybe.

"What are you thinking about?" Grimmjow asked me quietly, nibbling on his toast.

"I don't...really want to talk about it..." I murmured.

"Aw c'mon, Ichigo. You licked up my cum & jacked me off & you have the nerve to be shy about sharing your thoughts with me now?"

A furious blush turned my whole face red as I smacked his arm. "Shut _up!_ What is wrong with you?!"

He chuckled. "Just tell me what's on your mind. Unless you have diarrea or something...you can keep that to yourself"

I sighed. "No, no, it's nothing like that. I just...I was wondering if I didn't like...have sex with you soon would you...lose interest in me..."

Grimmjow was quiet for a long time. I refused to look up at him so I pushed the sauce around on my plate but I could feel his eyes boring into my head. "Ichigo..."

I looked up when he cupped my chin & lifted my face.

"I'm not going to lie & say I will patiently wait forever for you to feel comfortable enough to have sex with me but I am not going to rush you either"

"But...I'm ready _now..."_

The side of his mouth lifted for just a moment. "No. Just because you're horny doesn't mean you're ready. With sex comes many other things like attachment & I can't promise we'll be together until we die"

"So you're telling me I'm too young to decide what I want?" I deadpanned, narrowing my eyes.

"Yes. In this case, you are too young. Mindless fucking is just...I don't want that for you, Ichigo. I don't want to put anyone through that"

My face relaxed. "So that day when we were walking to the lake & you were talking about sex being a way to vent..."

He sighed & let go of my chin, looking down at his plate. "I was young & stupid & I thought I knew everything. When your parents push you away, who do you turn to? What are you supposed to do with yourself? I didn't just have sex with anything with a pulse but I had it enough times for it to not be very special anymore"

My eyes widened. "They found out..."

He nodded. "While my parents shunned me for being gay, I still believe there are parents out there who will accept their children, no matter what"

I blinked a few times. How would I have turned out had Dad found out I was gay & he rejected me?

"& that's why you should just be straight up with your dad"

Whoa. Say what now? "Excuse me?"

He kind of rolled his eyes & shifted restlessly. "It's better to tell him now & get it over with than for him to die thinking his son was all about the pussy"

I cringed a little. "You know as well as all of us that my dad is the pastor of our church & he is-"

"Not perfect" Grimmjow finished, "He is an alcoholic & there are rumors he's addicted to prescription meds"

"What? See that's why I can't stand baptist churches; always gossiping about something that ain't got nothing-"

"Ichigo, Ichigo. My point is no one in this church is perfect & neither are the people who attend. They know they have no room to judge you for your choices"

I rubbed my face tiredly. "That's not something I just tell my father as he's throwing my belongings out on the street. As much as I wish I could sing a little song & everything would be ok, this isn't Disney. I know my father; he's going to flip out if I admit I'm..."

"Gay" Grimmjow finished, his eyes narrowed.

All of a sudden I didn't want to be here anymore. I stood abruptly & carried my dishes to the sink before grabbing my Converses by the door & shoving my foot in.

"Where you goin' Ichigo?"

I turned back to look at Grimmjow. His body language seemed to portray that he wanted to reach out to be but didn't know how as his hand was halfway outstretched towards me.

I opened the door. "I don't know, Grimmjow"

& with that I walked out, someone that I wanted to talk to already forming in my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so incredibly sorry, you guys! I took my laptop into the shop to be fixed & I hadn't realized how long it would take x.X. Anyhoot, a big thank you goes out to the people who reviewed & favorites me &/or this story! You guys are the best =]**

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My feet led me to Ukitake & Kyoraku's house & I beat on the door with my palm.

Ukitake opened the door, face formed into a concerned frown. "Ichigo? Is everything alright?"

I stood there shifting from one foot to the other & running my hand restlessly through my hair while I tried to form all of my thoughts into a sentence. Finally, it just all tumbled from my mouth, "How do you deal with having gay feelings for someone? Why should you care about what other people think, even if its your family? Why should they matter when this concerns your happiness? Huh?!"

Ukitake put up his hands as if surrendering. "Hey, whoa, whoa, calm down, Ichigo. Let's take this one question at a time. We'll talk this out & we'll get through this, mmkay?"

I hadn't realized I was panting, not just from power walking up these hills but because of the effort to hold back my emotions too. I nodded as I tried to calm myself down.

"Now come in. I'll make us some chocolate chip scones & you sit down"

He ushered me in with a gentle tug on my arm & closed the door behind me, leading me to the dinnette table then he went to the kitchen & began pulling out ingredients.

"Alright, Ichigo. Now what's this of these feelings you have?"

I opened my mouth & everything came out like projectile vomit. I told him about how Grimmjow made me feel used (I didn't tell him specifically how), about how he stirred up feelings in me I've never had before even for a girl, about how concerned I was about coming out to someone like my dad & how I felt he wouldn't accept me for who I was...then I inserted a few tid bits in there about what Grimmjow said & how he felt comfortable coming out. By the time I was done, Ukitake set the scones in the middle of the table between us & sat across from me, nodding every once in a while & never interrupting.

"I don't know how to handle this, Ukitake..." I nearly whimpered around a mouthful of the sinfully delicious scone.

"Is Grimmjow important to you?"

"Well...yeah..."

"So you don't want to lose him correct?"

"Yeah..."

"I won't tell you that you _have _to come out to your family, Ichigo. For all we know, maybe they won't accept you-"

I flinched.

"But if it's that important to Grimmjow & he is important to you then you have two choices: come out or leave Grimmjow alone. If you aren't ready to come out then he shouldn't force you to"

I looked up as Kyoraku came out the master bedroom, his wavy hair all over the place & mouth stretched wide with a yawn. "Scones?"

Ukitake chuckled. "Over here, love"

"Oh hey, Ichigo" Kyoraku said when he stopped rubbing his eyes long enough to look at me & give me a grin.

"Hi, Kyoraku"

"Dropping knowledge on the lad, eh?"

I looked away as the two shared a simple but intimate kiss.

"I'm just lending an ear, is all" Ukitake stated, "Now shoo. We're not done talking"

"Hey, hey now. I paid for this reservation" Kyoraku nearly growed but the side of his mouth lifted in a smirk.

Ukitake took two scones off the plate, gave one to me & handed the plate to his lover. "Here. Now shoo"

"Ok"

I smiled as Kyoraku took the plate & gave Ukitake a peck on the mouth. "Later you two"

"Bye bye"

Once he went back to their bedroom, I sighed. "I want what you two have"

Ukitake raised an eyebrow at me, tilting his head. "What exactly is it that you want?"

"Well, you know...security. Someone to cuddle with & all that jazz, you know..."

"Is that it?"

I frowned. "Well...no. I want someone who's going to love me & be goofy with me & comfort me &..."

The white haired man sighed softly through his nose. "Ichigo. You have to understand the consequences of being in a relationship with another man while attending a church that knows you quite well"

"But I do!"

"Do you really? Do you know that many of the people in that church are very traditional baptists? Maybe that doesn't mean much to you but traditional baptists are not going to accept you & Grimmjow. They just aren't"

"I don't _care _about them! My only concern is Grimmjow & my family & friends!"

"Your father was one of the first people who knew about Kyoraku & I wanting to be married. Do you know what he told us? He said as much as he thought of us as brothers in Christ, we were going to Hell & he did not want to be associated with us"

My heart plummeted to the bottom of my stomach & a lump formed in my throat. That doesn't sound like something Dad would say. I mean...he's a pastor; he's supposed to be loving & accepting. "But...Ukitake, I...I'm sorry..."

Ukitake chuckled, waving his hand as if a fly was bothering him. "No need to apologize. I can't be angry at you nor your father. I can't get mad at him for how he was raised"

"But Jesus accepted everyone! He's a pastor, he's supposed to follow Christ!"

"I know, Ichigo. I know. But this is not about religion. What really matters right here & now is what are you going to do about you & Grimmjow's relationship"

I stared at the table, my cooling scone long forgotten, sitting next to my left hand. If Father would say something that hurtful to a close friend of his there was no way he'd spare me. I might be able to handle him throwing me out if I had somewhere to go but...where? I couldn't even stay with Grimmjow; he lived in the dorms!

"You don't have to make a decision right now, Ichigo. But you will have to make one soon"

"I would be homeless if I tell him..."

Ukitake nodded slowly. "Possibly. You never know until you tell him"

"&...I'd never see my sisters..."

"Possibly. But is Grimmjow important to you?"

I glared at him, top lip lifting in a snarl. "Don't you dare try to make me choose between my family & Grimmjow!"

Ukitake raised his hands again in surrender. "I wasn't trying to. I just don't want you to make a rash decision without considering the consequences"

I rubbed my forehead. "This...is too much. It's so hard being gay..."

He chuckled. "Yes, it is not an easy road. Many people, Christians & atheist, will discourage you. But there are people out there who will accept you no matter what. I can always promise Kyoraku & I will be there for you, Ichigo"

I grinned, feeling a little better. "Thanks, Ukitake"

He nodded & stood. "Now I must pack & get ready to leave. Lord knows by the time I finish packing all my hair care products, Kyoraku will be done napping"

I chuckled. "Alright. See you next week for Bible study. & thank you"

He grinned at me, his eyes soft & I vaguely wondered if he & Kyoraku ever considered having a child because if they did they'd make great parents. "Anytime, Ichigo"

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Walking into our house, I was only mildly surprised to still see Orihime, Mayuri & Uyru in the living room, in front of the TV. They were so enraptured with The Dawn of the Dead, they all jumped when I closed the door.

"Jesus, Ichigo!" Uyru shouted.

I grinned. "My bad. Where is everyone?"

"Sleeping, fuckin' or gone" Mayuri mumbled, "Now shut up & sit down or skedaddle"

"Grimmjow's on the back porch" Orihime said, reading my mind without even looking at me.

I thanked her & went out the back door. Grimmjow was tilting back in his chair, his feet up on the table as he stared out the floor to cieling windows at the mountain opposite of us.

"Are you still mad?" he asked me quietly.

I was silent as I sat down beside him. "No. No, I wasn't ever mad. I was just overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring...for another man"

He gave me a look as if he was waiting to see if I was joking before he smirked & looked forward again. "So what will we do when we get back?"

"I don't know. I guess when the time is right, I'll tell my dad"

He nodded. "Good idea. What will you do if he doesn't accept you?"

I shrugged, sighing. "Hadn't planned it out that far. I guess I'll just live in a box behind Wal Mart or something"

"Yeah. Then we can move in togather & raise two rats as children"

"Yuck. Rats carried the Bubonic Plague. We'll get some cats"

A shiver went down Grimmjow's spine, which made me raise an eyebrow, but he didn't bother explaining.

"C'mere"

When I only looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate, he gently grabbed my wrist & pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Whatever you decide, base it on what makes you comfortable" he murmured, "If you don't want to tell your dad right now I'll understand"

I wrapped an arm around his neck & rested my cheek on his forehead. "Thanks. Cause I really did not want to tell him right now"

Grimmjow chuckled & we sat in silence. I have never been as content as I was in this man's lap. Right here in his lap, it was hard to worry or think about things that scared me. So I just enjoyed the little slice of peace that we had right no-

"Hey queers, we're shippin' out! We're heading to McDonald's!" Renji shouted.

"Well look at the pot calling the kettle black..." Grimmjow said.

Renji raised an eyebrow. "What? This is not the time to be using your little Disney metaphors! Pots & pans don't talk to each other in real life!"

Grimmjow rolled his eyes but I chuckled, standing & tugging him to his feet. "Come on, we can consider this as our first date"

He grinned. "Going to McDonald's as our first date?"

"Well yeah. The struggle is real out here; ain't nobody got time for expensive dates anymore"

I tingled with joy as he threw his head back & laughed.

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The tingling didn't stop, even an hour later as we were all chilling in McDonald's. I sat at a booth with Grimmjow's arm around my shoulder as Bainne dared Renji to go into the playhouse & yell stranger danger as loud as he could. I was pretty sure Renji would've done it even without prompting so I wasn't very surprised when he did it & the manager told him to get out & grow up.

Mayuri chuckled to himself. "Five bucks says he gets us kicked out of here"

"Five bucks says I ain't going no damn where" Grimmjow retorted & Mayuri shrugged, placing a five dollar bill on the table.

"Young man, you know better..." the manager was saying.

"Wow, so I can't get on the playground just because I'm over four feet? That's racist!" Renji shouted.

There were snickers all around our booth as we struggled not to laugh but the manager didn't think it was funny.

"I'm going to be forced to call security if you don't leave!"

Renji moved his jaw & mouth as if he was smacking on gum & he put his arms up in the air. "Secuuuurity! Secuuuurity! Ain't nobody got time for this! I got bronchitis!"

"Gimme whatchu got for a porkchop, Renji!" Bainne shouted. He said it like "poke chawp", which I found really funny.

"Oh you ain't ready for this, honey!" Renji shouted in a ghetto accent.

"Don't stop, pop that, pop that, don't stop!"

Immediately, Renji crouched with his legs gaped wide & started twerking, backing it up on the manager who was looking extremely uncomfortable & we howled with laughter.

"That's it! All of you need to leave the premises immediately!"

"Aw c'mon man, we're just having fu-" Renji started.

"Get out! Right now! I will not ask you again!"

Renji smacked his teeth & grabbed his keys, phone & wallet. "C'mon Byaku, baby. We're out of here"

"& just where are we going?" the dark haired man asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Burger King of course. Their food is a lot better _any_way & management isn't a prude with a nine foot long & six foot wide pole stuck up his or her ass" Renji said nonchalantly.

"Get _out!_" the manager yelled.

"But, you said you weren't going to say it again..."

I thought the manager was going to burst an artery in his ass with the way his whole face got beet red & he began sputtering.

"Come on, Renji. Let's go before he gets a hernia or has a stroke"

"We'll meet you guys later" Shuhei called after them.

"I'm going to have to ask the rest of you to leave as well" the manager stated.

"Why? Because we laughed?" Tatsuki protested.

"Because you young people are always starting drama! I want you out of my restaurant before one of you decide to do something else crazy!"

"Wow you're really racist, man. No all young people like starting drama. Sometimes we like to end it too" Kira said, "Fucking shit cum guzzling bitch! Hell fuck-"

He stopped when Shuhei delivered a swift slap upside his head.

"Thanks man"

"No problem"

"I ain't going nowhere until I get my food" Grimmjow said, staring the manager down.

"I will give you your money back so that you can leave" the manager said & walked briskly behind the counter.

"We should all like...go hide in the playground..." Orihime said innocently.

It only took a few seconds for us to come to a decision & then we all jumped up & ran into the play room. Thankfully there weren't any kids around. Grimmjow pulled me into a blue plastic tube, his face etched with a wild smile, eyes sparking in mischief.

"We're never going to be able to do this again if we get caught by someone in the church" he said under his breath.

My heart stuttered in excitment & a little in fear. "Then we better make sure we don't get busted!"

Grimmjow put a finger to his mouth as the manager came stomping in, yelling & demanding for us to get out because the police were on their way. I look over & see Mayuri slowly climbing up one of the slides. As he brought his hand down & put it on the mesh, it shocked him. Hard.

"Shit fire!" he shouted & there were outbursts of snickering & laughing all around.

"I'm warning you kids!" the manager threatened.

"Call the po-po, ho!" someone yelled. Probably Kira.

Grimmjow tugged on the sleeve of my shirt before crawling further into the tube we were in & into the biggest slide in the playground. I couldn't help staring at his ass. If only I was brave enough to just reach out & grab it- "We're going to be in so much trouble..." he said again, a wicked smile splaying across his face.

"OHHHHHHH baby touch me! AHHH YES!"

Laughter rang out all around us as Bainne continued moaning. I wish I could see the manager's face right now; it was probably priceless.

"AHHHH Tatsuki! Oooh, baby, you touch me like you know me!"

Grimmjow & I gave each other surprised looks. Was that...Shuhei talking like that...?

"The police are here you little troublemakers! You better come down before they have to chase you down & arrest you! Then you'll be hollering police brutality!" the manager shouted.

"I bet he's lying!" Uyru shouted.

"I bet he's saying that just because we're preventing him from flirting with the new crew member he just hired" Bainne said (his voice was deep enough to where he didn't have to shout to be heard), "Ain't nobody asking you to stay, bitch"

"I bet he takes baths in the sink where they wash dishes & masturbates with the old fry grease!" Mayuri shouted & everyone just paused.

"You nasty, man..." I heard Grimmjow mumbled.

"Aye, y'all think he works here because he likes playing with the toys & pretending he's a baby or something?" Shuhei asked.

"Yo! I saw that episode of Addiction!" Kira threw in, "That was just weird, man. Dudes in their late thirties & early forties dressing themselves up in onesies & pretending to be toddle-"

"I've had _enough_!" the manager screamed.

"I know right, you guys can never stay on topic" Chad said.

Grimmjow shifted his weight off his right heel & wound up getting himself off balance. Out of habit, I reached out to catch him & both of us wound up falling into the slide & slipped all the way down. It was a long spiral & I hated how the plastic caused my hair to stand up on end but as Grimmjow began whooping, I started laughing & shouting.

"They gettin' it in, filthy animals!" I heard someone say.

"YOLO!" Grimmjow shouted. I rolled my eyes.

As we slid to a stop at the end of the slide, Grimmjow wrapped his arms around me & leaned forward to give me a simple kiss. "We gatta do this again" he whispered.

"Definitely" I nearly breathed, smiling stupidly.

"Well you won't be doing it anytime soon" we heard a voice say, "Stand up & face the wall"

I looked up at the police officer who's face was marred with an expression of irritation & disappointment. Well...that was fun while it lasted...


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello sweethearts! Happy early Valentine's Day! If you don't have a Valentine, well, I love you! & If you don't celebrate it then uh...happy Thursday! =D A big thank you goes out to the people who have favorited, followed, reviewed & bothered to read this far! All of you are my Valentine's this year :3**

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The good news was: we didn't get arrested & hauled off to jail. The bad news: we didn't get arrested & hauled off to jail so we were forced to stay put until a parent or guardian came to pick us up. Considering Grimmjow, Mayuri & Bainne were adults they didn't have to stay but they did anyway for their boyfriends, which I was really glad of. Grimmjow's presence helped keep me calm.

"Ichigo, Ichigo. Come on now, baby, calm down"

I swallowed thickly. "He's going to tan my hide like leather. Oh God, deliver me, please"

Grimmjow placed a hand on mine, squeezing gently. "Aw, baby, it won't be that bad..."

His tone implied that not even he believed it & I gulped down air. "I'm never going to see the light of day. I'm going to be grounded until I'm forty seven"

"I highly doubt your dad will still hold a grudge that long, Ichigo"

I turned my wide eyes on him. "Don't you _dare _think that he wouldn't do such a thing! At his twenty fifth class reunion, before he became a pastor, he got into a fist fight with a guy who bullied him during his freshman year!"

"Oh shit..." Grimmjow muttered, "I mean...you're his only son; you'll get his favor"

"I'm also the oldest & get punished to show my sisters what could happen when they act up"

From then on Grimmjow stayed silent; he just stayed crouched by my side, squeezing my hand. The police officers called us into different offices to question us, the disappointment written all over their face & their frustrated glances shifting from my face to their notepad or each other.

"Son, you do realize that if you were a little older you'd be in a lot of trouble, don't you?" one officer asked me.

"Because I was in the playhouse at McDonald's?" I asked.

"You & your friends were being disruptive & disrespectful, not to mention the manager asked you all to leave several times & you refused"

Ok, ok. I had to give them that. We _were _kind of being disrespectful...& he _did _tell us to leave several times & we just made fun of him. But why did _I _have to "realize" I'd be in trouble if not for my age when Grimmjow & the rest of the young adults weren't in any trouble?

Just as I was about to ask that very question there was a knock & the guy that was interrogating me bid whoever it was inside.

A female officer walked in with a purpose. "Sir, the boy's father is here"

My heart dropped.

"Send him in" the guy stated & she walked back out.

After she spoke quietly to my dad they walked in & I glanced up to his angry eyes on me. I thought he would've pulled up a chair beside me but instead he stood by the door, his arms crossed. Yep, he was pissed off.

"Thank you, officers, for not arresting him" he said in a low voice, very similar to a growl.

The guy that interrogated me nodded once. "No problem sir. Considering he is a minor, it'd be best if the parent handles it. I'm sure your son is a good kid & he didn't mean any harm so there will be no charges or fines"

My dad nodded. "Is it ok if we leave now?"

"Sure, sure. Thanks for coming by, Mr. Isshin"

"_Pastor _Isshin"

Both of the officers in the room raised their eyebrows in surprise, looked at me, looked at my dad then back at me before a more severe disappointment settled in. "Right, I apologize, Pastor Isshin"

"Let's go, Ichigo"

I stood obediantly & followed him out of the little office. Out in the foyer, Grimmjow & Mayuri were still there, sitting quietly with their elbows on their knees. Grimmjow looked up at me & seemed like he was about to come towards me until he looked at my dad's face & he deflated. He turned his eyes towards me & I saw sadness in there. I mouthed a "bye" to him & gave him a little wave. I wanted more than anything to give him a hug & maybe even a kiss...but not in front of my dad.

Dad drove us home in silence but I know he was absolutely fuming. I was in a state that was somewhere between scared to speak & scared of the silence. Was he just going to ignore me or was he expecting an explaination? Well I mean...if he wanted an explaination he could always ask so I don't know why I even thought tha-

"Ichigo, what has gotten into you?"

I sighed, feeling relieved & still cautious at the same time. "I was just having fun, Dad"

"Having fun? Having _fun? _Since when has being disrespectful _ever _been fun, Ichigo?!"

"Look, I wasn't actually being disrespectful, I was just simply there"

"_After _he told you immature brats to leave! Ichigo , you _know _better! I raised you better than that! Your mother would be so disappointe-"

"Why do you always have to bring Mom into everything, huh?!" I shouted, "It's like you want us to feel the guilt that _you _feel! No matter what we do, Dad, she's still dead & she always will be!"

I wasn't surprised when his right hand whipped out & slapped me across the face. Really, I was expecting it. I have never yelled at my sisters before, much less my dad. My cheek stung like hell & tears of anger welled up in my eyes but instead of acting like I was all surprised & cradling my cheek like the people do on television & just crossed my arms & stared out the window.

"Don't you ever...in your entire life..._ever _talk to me like that again..." Dad hissed.

I'm not sure what came over me. Maybe this weekend just wore me out. Maybe I was just sexually frustrated. Maybe I'd thought about me & Ukitake's conversation but before I could even think about it, it came rolling off my tongue like honey. "I'm gay"

My heart dropped when Dad stayed silent for several moments. "What...did you say?"

& just like that I lost my nerve. All of a sudden I began picturing all the humiliation he could put me through: making me wear an I'm Gay sign around my neck & taking a picture so that he could put it it up on Facebook or something. Declaring it to the congregation one day at church. Kick me out. Try to convince my sisters to hate me. The disappointed looks he'd always give me...

"I ain't going to ask you again, boy. I know you heard me"

"I said...I said I'm...I'm gay"

I thought Dad was about to swerve off the road as he sputtered & struggled to reach for his belt. "My boy don't like no men! Me & Masaki raised you in a Christian household! Who inserted these homosexual ideas into your head?! Was it that freak, Mayuri?! I bet it was him; I done told Deacon Gin that boy wasn't no good! Did someone touch you or something? What's wrong with you boy?!"

I wanted to lash out like I did earlier, I really did. I would've wanted nothing more than to cuss him out & tell him how horrible of a father he was being right now but the tears started & at that moment, I just wanted to fall through the floor of the car & somehow end up in Grimmjow's arms. I thought back to the conversation Grimmjow & I had about our families accepting us & I became angry at him. This is why I didn't want to come out in the first place! Christians were just as stupid & hypocritical & obnoxious & annoying & rude & mean & hateful as everyone else on this earth. I shouldn't have listened to his advice; I should've just kept my mouth closed.

_'God...how can you say You made me in Your image when I'm hated by my own father because of who I am? You lied to me, God. You didn't even try to help'_

Dad sighed, shaking his head. "Boy, you ain't been right since your mama died. I know you're hurting, I know you're angry but are you taking out on all females? They can be such warm, gentle creatures & they'll give you kids & care for them & you too. I just don't understand..."

He went on & on like that until we got home. I had learned to tune him out; I was concentrating so hard on not crying I wasn't even paying attention. I didn't come to until I realized we were just sitting there in the driveway with the car turned off. I shifted off the door so I could open it & get out but my dad called me back.

"Not only have you embarassed me pulling that stunt at the McDonald's but now you threaten to embarass me in front of my congregation & your sisters...I don't understand why, Ichigo" he whispered.

"You won't have to worry about me embarassing you. I'll get out your hair as soon as I possibly can"

With that I stepped out of the car & made a beeline to my room, sighing as I let the tears flow.

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A Year Later

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I shuddered as the wind lashed out around me once more & huddled into my coat. This was one of the _many _moments I realized I hated winter & the only reason why I used to like it was because I had heat with the flip of a switch. My ears stung painfully; I was sure if it wasn't frostbitten it was in danger of becoming so. I couldn't wait to get home.

My hands trembled & shook as I whipped out my house key & jammed it in the door. In this day in age, why hadn't they invented a device so that when you come near the door to your house unlocks & opens? Well...maybe they did & we just couldn't afford it yet.

I stepped into the house & sighed. Home may not be much but it was still mine, even though it was cold enough to preserve a cow in. I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter & peeked into the fridge. Nothing to eat except mayo, ranch & a few slices of bread. I guess I could've made a very strange sandwich to relieve me of these hunger pains but I wasn't quite that desperate for food at the moment. The clock on the microwave read four o clock. I'd better go ahead & get this place warmed up & knock this chill off.

As I grabbed a box of matches & threw a few logs into the fireplace, I thought about the last year. It'd been rough. Really rough. To be honest, I have no idea how I made it this far but the only thing that kept me going was the fact that it could get better fairly soon. Dad didn't necessarily kick me out of the house; the day I left, I told Yuzu & Karin bye & when Yuzu peeped my suitcase & backpack she looked concern.

"Where are you going, big brother?" she'd asked.

I'd sighed, knowing she was going to make this difficult. "Away. I'll be ok though & hey, maybe I'll even come & see you"

"Not likely..." Dad had grumbled from his spot on the crouch where he was nursing a large bottle of Grey Goose.

Anger surged through me. "You must not have drank enough because you're still talking"

"B-boy...I will...break your neck in t-t-three places..." he slurred & I rolled my eyes.

Karin frowned up at me. "Are you leaving because of Dad?"

I nodded. "Yeah. For the most part"

Yuzu's eyes began tearing up & I knelt to her eye level to pull her into a hug. "It'll be ok, Yuzu, don't cry"

"It's not ok!" she cried, stamping her foot angrily, "You two are angry at each other & don't you dare tell me you're not cause I ain't stupid & now you're about to leave to God knows where & might put yourself in a lot of danger but you wanna act all cool about it & Dad's just sitting there like a bump on a log &...& Mama wouldn't have wanted that!"

I smiled sadly. Truthfully I was tired of everyone bringing Mama up. "I'm sorry, Yuzu. This is just how it has to be"

"You promise you'll come & visit us...?" Karin asked.

My heart nearly broke as she struggled to hold back tears. My Karin, so strong & brave & now she was vulnerable because of me, because of who I now realized I was. But I put on a fake, brave smile. "Of course I will kiddo. I love you two, too much to stay away for long"

Yuzu shuddered, hiccupped & let out a low whine as tears poured down her face. "I love you big brother..."

I hugged her close, bringing Karin into my embrace & kissed their foreheads. "I love you two, too. I always will, & don't let no one, _no one _tell you differently. If I don't come visit soon it has nothing to do with me not loving you two anymore because I'll _never _stop, do you hear me?"

The both nodded obediantly, their bodies shaking with sobs. God, I hated that I had to do this to them; I loved them like they were my own daughters.

"Shh, shh. Hush, now. It's not like I'm going away forever, stop crying now..." I whispered to them.

"I hate him..." Karin murmured & my eyebrows shot up.

"Him who?"

"He's the reason why you're leaving, isn't he? Because he's a rude drunk who doesn't know any better & doesn't want to do better for himself & his family?"

I was more so taken aback by how observative she'd been more so than her being so smart. "I...Karin..."

"We're going to get him help, big brother, you'll see" she said ferociously, her eyes burning, "He's going to get fixed & then you can come back"

I smiled & smoothed her hair down. "Alright, kiddo. I'm counting on you. On both of you"

I sighed as I stoked the growing fire. That seemed so long ago & yet like it just happened yesterday. I'd tried to go see Karin & Yuzu, I really did, but whenever I tried to go to Dad's house no one would answer & when I went to church to do so the usher would refuse to let me in or a deacon would see me & tell me to get out before I got to see them. Deacon Gin only gave me a pitying look, like the ones everyone gave me after Mama died. I hated that, especially now because it was like they didn't expect to me do any better like this was my rock bottom or something. I'd begun to hate Dad & resent God for all this mess. Had He not made me gay, maybe I'd still be part of warm, inviting church. But then again...if He hadn't made me gay, I wouldn't have seen the church people for who they really are.

The front door unlocked & my mood lifted as I turned my head & smiled. "Hey. Welcome home"

"Thanks baby" Grimmjow came over & gave a me a kiss on the lips before shrugging out of his coat.

"Were you able to get any dinner?" I asked & my stomach gave a loud growl.

He sighed. "Yeah. They let me have the sloppy joe sandwiches again & I was able to pick you up a little something nice..."

I eyed the grocery bag of cans of Manwiches before watching his hands reach into his coat pocket. He pulled out a honey bun & I grinned, my tongue tingling with the memory of the sugary dough. "Thank you, baby"

I caught it as he tossed it to me & he sat beside me in front of the fireplace to eat one of his own with me. How far we'd come...it was nowhere near easy. Once Grimmjow started his senior semester, he took out a bunch of student loans & got us this little house. It had been a crack house, used as a headquarters for drug trade for the local gangs which is why the price had been very cheap. It was raggedy, nasty & old but it was still a roof over our heads to keep us dry & (somewhat) warm.

Grimmjow also had begun working at the cafeteria at his university. He'd told me more than once that he hated it but it got us free food from time to time which was very convienant since a lot of the time we went days without eating. The little he got in a paycheck went towards the little necessities like books for his classes or getting what little groceries & utilities he could afford. Thankfully his job had worked out some kind of deal with the dean or someone high up at the school to somehow help pay his tuition so that wasn't really an issue.

"Hey..." he whispered, nudging me.

I looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I grinned & shrugged one shoulder. "I'm just thinking about how far we'd come. Hard to believe we have all of this in just a year"

Grimmjow scoffed. "All of what? This poverty? These hard times? These hunger pains?"

"This stuff that reminds us that we're alive you ungrateful bastard" I said with a chuckle.

He grinned. "Yeah...& at least we have each other, right?"

"You better not be trying to be sarcastic, Jow. I will punch you in the throat"

He threw his head back & laughed. "I'm not being sarcastic! I was being truthful!"

"For once..."

He pulled me close & pressed his nose & mouth to my neck & forehead. "How do you think Renji & them are doing?"

I sighed & rested my head on Grimmjow's lap. We hadn't been to church since the ushers refused to let us in the sanctuary.

"We don't want any trouble" one of them said, "Just take your sin elsewhere before one of the children see you & think it's ok"

Rangiku, Renji, Orihime, Chad & Uryu had nearly jumped her for being so rude but Grimmjow called it off.

"If this church wants to be hypocrites & turn people away because of something they can't help then I don't wanna be up in here anyway" he growled & led me out of the church. All of our friends walked out with us, reassuring us that this would all pass & they were just mad cause the police had to force us out of McDonald's. I appreciated them trying to cheer us up but it was too hallow. They knew my father had told everyone Grimmjow & I were gay & in a relationship. We hadn't spoken to them since the incident though & I missed them dearly.

"They're probably doing fine, staying in trouble as usual" I said, forcing a chuckle.

Grimmjow ran his fingers through my hair a few times. "Yeah...probably..."

His fingers wanders over my neck & shoulders, stroking & raising goosebumps over my skin. I can't even remember the last time we had a moment like this in silence, much less when we were last...intimate. We still hadn't had sex & I was becoming impatient. Well...I was past impatient now, I was getting downright irritated. Was there something repulsive about me or something? I think the last thing we needed to be worried about right now is me being corrupted or not.

"You still don't think I'm ready?" I asked bitterly.

He sighed. "No, Ichigo. The more you ask & beg for it the more unnatural it is & that's how you'll know you're not ready"

"So if a fifteen year old is just relaxing with a guy that she likes & they just start making out & it's not awkward, then you're saying they're ready?"

I sat up to look him in the eyes, growing more irritated when his eyes looked unfocused.

"Things are very rarely ever not awkward at that age, Ichigo. But please...can we just drop this?"

"I want to know why me being pure is still so damn important! Do you realize I could very well just go get it from some other guy? Or hell, even a girl if I was feeling brave!"

He raised his eyebrows in surprise, leaning back from me. "You fuckin' kiddin' me right now? You'd rather rush something that's not that big of a deal than just wait until the moment is perfect?"

"Grimmjow, nothing is ever perfect to you!"

"You were!"

Something about him using the past tense really twisted something in the pit of my stomach & I scowled. "Why do you just absolutely refuse to have sex with me? Do I repluse you?"

"Your begging & need to be just like everyone else repulses me"

"What?! I ain't trying to be like _no _fuckin' bod-"

"Admit it Ichigo! Before that damn retreat, you didn't care about sex! You only cared about being yourself & doing you!"

"Well who's fault is it that I got a taste of what it was like, huh?! I wasn't throwing myself at you like some whore!"

"But you are now! Why is it such a big _deal _to you?!"

"_Because I want you to show me you love me!" _I screamed on the brink of tears. I really hated fighting, especially about this. It took us days to simmer down & make up with one another & right now we needed each other more than anything. His job was stressing him out because he wasn't getting enough hours to earn enough for groceries & I was hustling to find a job myself. We didn't need this, not right now.

Grimmjow's eyes were alight with anger. "I don't _show _you? Is fucking now deemed as love? You think me fucking you means I love you more so than if I'm not? So all the times I sang you to sleep, all the times, I held you at night & told you to stop crying, all the times I _told _you I loved you wasn't me showing you that I love you? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Actions speak louder than words, Grimmjow!"

"Fucking doesn't mean love you dumbass!"

My hand lashed out & slapped him across the face. It wasn't particularly hard, just enough to the point where he turned his head with it a little. My face froze in shock while his slowly melted into anger. "G-Grimmjow...I...I didn't m-mean to..."

His electric blue eyes pinned with a glare that made my blood feel cold & he stood slowly. For the first time in my life Grimmjow intimidated the hell out of me.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

He turned & walked out without a word, closing the front door with a calmness that made my jaw tremble in fear. What had I done?


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello again! This was probably one of the toughest chapters to write because I'm trying to draw it to a close & I want to have some drama but not completely over do it. I rewrote this chapter so many times, I'm shocked I got this ready in time to update! Anyhoot, a big thank you goes out to those of you who have favorited, reviewd, read & followed! Please let me know if you have any ideas!**

**Speaking of ideas I owe a big thank you & a hug to GrimmKitty1325 for giving me some ideas, particularly for this chapter :3**

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I bit into my flavorless Manwich sandwich, chewing robotically. It was eight in the morning & Grimmjow still hadn't come home. I was beyond worried; I had no idea what to do. Should I look for him? Should I go up to the cafeteria? What if he just didn't want to come home? This hadn't been the first time he walked out on me after a fight but this is the first time he's been away this long. My constant worrying & beating myself up was making my food taste bland.

I sighed & put the half eaten sandwich down. I needed to stop worrying for now & get dressed so I can go job hunting. Grimmjow was a big boy, he could take care of himself.

I took a wet washcloth & washed the important parts of my body in the kitchen area before putting on my old but neat suit that Grimmjow got me at Goodwill. I slipped into my old dress shoes, checked my reflection in a shiny pot, grabbed a portfolio with my resume & cover letter & stepped out. It was cool & sunny, perfect fall weather. I even forgot about worrying over Grimmjow (for now). I felt optimistic as I stepped into Sprint & I gave the worker who walked up to me a genuine smile.

She smiled back. "Hello, can I help you with anything?"

"Yes I've come to apply for a job"

She glanced at my portfolio & nodded. "Alright, have you filled out an application?"

"No, not yet"

She nodded again & went behind the desk to get me one & handed it to me. "Here you go. Fill this out & I'll give you the hiring manager's number"

I smiled again. "Thank you"

I took it to a desk & filled it out carefully, making sure I wrote neatly. Man…if I got hired here, maybe I could get a discount on cell phone. I'd get paid good money & Grimmjow & I can be more financially stable. We might not be rich but life would be a little easier.

My heart pounded as my body fed it adrenaline. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up; it's very possible I won't even get an interview but a guy had to be optimistic right?

I finished the application & gave it back to the sale's associate who then wrote the hiring manager's number on the back of a business card.

"She'll be in tomorrow. Her name is Harribel"

I nodded & thanked her again before stepping out onto the street & continue my journey. I noticed my head was tilted up in a confident fashion & it made me grin. Had this been a few months ago I would've thought God was showing me favor for getting this job but since I've lost trust in an imaginary being, an idea, I felt this was my gut telling me that I was onto something here (I was very careful not to get my hopes up).

I visited & filled out applications for five more stores before heading home, feeling tired but accomplished. Though it was a possibility that I could get turned down for every one I just couldn't see that happening. I had a (pretty) good record, no credit score but hey, I was only eighteen so if I got a chance I could get it up high & I was young bodied & able to do work, not to mention more than willing.

I sighed as I stepped into the house, all the joy & confidence draining out of me. So he still wasn't home. I guess there wasn't any point in continuing to mope about it even though I was beginning to get a sick feeling in my stomach. Things needed to be done & dinner wasn't going to fix itself.

I went about cleaning up the house as well as I could, listening to music on a mp3 player Grimmjow had gotten at work for Christmas. It didn't have any current songs since we didn't have a computer to download the songs from but that was ok. Grimmjow had asked whoever gave it to him to put whatever songs they liked on it & there were many songs from Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Peggy Lee & Ella Fitzgerald. I was perfectly fine with it; the music calmed me& helped me through arguments & stress.

I was sweeping up the last bit of dust bunnies from around our mattress in the corner when the front door finally opened. I straightened & gave Grimmjow a steady glare as he slowly made his way over to the counter to set his keys & wallet on.

"Where have you been?" I asked quietly.

"Out" he stated, not looking at me.

"But where did you go?"

"Why does it matter?" he asked slowly.

I shrugged & put the broom away. "It doesn't. I was just concerned, that's all"

He sat heavily on the mattress, watching me continue to straighten things up. Every once in a while I threw him a glance, wanting to catch his eye but he kept his eyes fixed on my feet or hands. His facial expression was guarded as if he was bothered by something he didn't want to explain. That was fine; I've learned when it came to Grimmjow, if there was something bothering him it was best just to wait until he was ready to talk about it.

"I talked to the people at Sprint about a job. I felt pretty good about it" I said to strike up a conversation.

He only nodded.

"I guess tomorrow I'll go back to check on it & put a few more in"

He nodded again.

"I really don't want to be picky but I'd love a job at a clothing store. I could get discounts on the clothes & then at least we would look presentable"

He didn't respond this time.

"Rukia's first job was at Hot Topic. She got a 40% discount. Of course everyone expected her to give them discounts so eventually she got fired but, uh…"

"Mayuri paid me a visit today"

Grimmjow said it so softly I wasn't sure if he'd really said anything. "Say what now?"

"He said the church split & your dad got into a car accident from driving drunk"

I straightened immediately & my blood ran cold. "Are you serious? Did he say when? How is he? He's ok ain't he? What….? H-how…?"

Grimmjow finally looked at me, his eyes looking weary & like he'd seen enough tragedy to last him a lifetime. "He's fine but he's paralyzed from the waist down"

I stumbled back a few steps as my heart suddenly dropped & sped up. A lump formed in my throat as my eyes grew hot & I struggled to hold back the tears. "Are you seri…do you think he was telling the truth?"

"Mayuri may be disgusting & annoying but even he wouldn't joke about that"

The edges of my vision darked & I felt like I was breathing through a straw. Would God-I mean fate be so cruel to me & hurt my family? Was this karma for leaving? I sat down hard on the floor as I realized just how close I'd come to losing him…my father. I really shouldn't care because he was hypocritical asshole who shunned me because of who I was but…that was my…my father. It shouldn't matter to me because I didn't live with him but…where would Yuzu & Karin go? I couldn't bare to have them put in foster care but they couldn't come here & the few family members we were cool with lived overseas. How would they adapt? Would they even treat my sisters with love & kindness like they deserved? Would I ever see them & how? I…I just couldn't…

I started as Grimmjow put a hand on my shoulder & I realized I was crying. I angrily wiped them away.

"It's ok to cry Ichigo" Grimmjow murmured softly, "It's ok. It will be ok"

"I don't care about that old bastard!" I snapped, "I was just…worried about my sisters & their well being!"

"Alright, alright. I understand. But Ichigo, he's your dad-"

"I don't give a filthy, messy shit Grimmjow!" I shouted, glaring into his soft, concerned eyes.

He stared at me for a few minutes before he simply nodded. "Alright"

I took deep breaths to calm myself down. "Did Mayuri tell you if he was out of the hospital yet?"

Grimmjow shook his head.

"I want to go see how my sisters are doing.. They need me, especially now"

Without waiting for his response, I grabbed his house keys & was out of the house without a moment's hesistation. All the way to my former house I prayed to a God that I hadn't prayed to a very long time.

_I know You may not like the way I've been ignoring & being disrespectful to you lately but I really need You to pull through for me this time. Please, please just let me sisters be ok. Please. I don't care about my dad but please don't let my sisters suffer because of him._

It was a long walk. A walk that was long enough to give me time to think things over & calm down. I could think more clearly & now I was wondering exactly what I was going to do when I got there. Was I going to just grab them up in a hug & tell them they're moving in with me & Grimmjow? I couldn't; we could barely feed ourselves. What if they were happy where they were? What if…what if they resented me because I haven't seen them in a year?

I slowed down from my brisk walk until I was standing still, still a few blocks from my ex-home. I was thankful when I heard footsteps behind me & Grimmjow stopped, giving me a questioning look. I might need his support in case this…reunion didn't turn out the way I wanted.

"What's wrong Ichigo?" he asked me quietly.

In that instant I remembered that I was supposed to be mad with him for being out all super late. He derailed my thoughts when he told me what Mayuri said. I pretended as if we'd never gotten in a fight. We could talk about it some other time.

"What if….what am I even going to do when they see me?" I asked.

"What do you mean what will you do?"

"Like…will I hug them….? Will I….will Igive them this long speech about how I've been thinking about them everyday for the past year? Or will I lie & tell them that nothing was wrong & I just needed to move out because I was growing up?"

Grimmjow gave me a look as if it was obvious. "You hug them, tell them you've been thinking about them everyday for the past year & that you love them"

"What if they resent me?"

He shrugged. "Then you have to get back into their good graces"

"What if my dad has convinced them that I'm no good?"

"Then you have to tell & show them otherwise"

"What if-"

"Ichigo, let's just go & see, alright? You're probably worried about absolutely nothing & overracting. Those girls loved you more than anything except maybe food so what are you worried about?"

"A lot can change in a year…" I whispered & understanding made his eyes soften.

"Yeah. While that may be true you'll never know until you go see them for yourself"

I didn't move though I wanted to. So many different scenerios were playing like a movie in fast forward in my mind & honestly, I had no idea how they would respond to seeing me. I guess this is one of those "expect the worse" type of deals. But when Grimmjow took my hand & looked me in my eye I felt a lot better.

"We'll get through this, whatever it may turn out to be, together"

I smiled a little & nodded & we walked together, hand in hand.

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I took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell, my other hand clutching Grimmjow's. He'd finally convinced me to ring it after I'd been standing here practically hyperventilating for the past half hour. It wasn't necessarily that I was afraid of facing them, it was facing them & being rejected part that was making me hesitate.

"Ring it again" Grimmjow murmured.

My hand trembled as I reached up oncce again to ring the bell. My heart was hammering so loud & fast I thought I was having a heart attack. I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down but my lungs were begging for air as if I'd been running a marathon. If they didn't answer this fucking door I'm going to have a stroke & pass the fuck out!

The door unlocked. My heart dropped like a rock before spring back up & into my throat. Was this covered on 1000 Ways To Die? Being so excited & scared at the same time that you have a major heart attack? If not, they need to go ahead & make that episode then dedicate it to me.

The door knob turned, opened….oh God, I can't breathe…..

& an old woman looked at me expectantly.

"Yes? How may I help you?" she asked.

"Karin?!" I blurted with even thinking.

The old woman put a hand to her chest. "Oh no dearie, you have the wrong address. My name is not Karin"

"Might you know where the people who used to live here live now?" Grimmjow asked the question I wanted to ask but I had trouble getting my jaw off the ground.

"I'm sorry, I don't have any idea who lived here last, much less where they are now" she said.

"Ok. Thank you & sorry for disturbing you"

Grimmjow tugged gently on my hand & led me away. I stumbled along after him, my mind numb. Why did they move? Did they run a clinic elsewhere? When did they move? _Where the hell are they?_

"Hey, hey. Calm down. We'll just go to the church & ask if they know" Grimmjow said before pressing a kiss to my temple.

I scoffed. "Yeah because they've forgotten about us being gay & all, right?"

He shrugged one shoulder. "It was just a suggestion. It wouldn't hurt to try"

What was the worse they could do to us,tell us we still weren't welcomed in their church? Would I honestly let a couple of old farts hold me back from findng my sisters? Hell no. A hard determination gripped my heart. I was going to that church & I was going to find out where my sisters were & no one was going to tell me no.

But the minute I stepped foot on the church grounds that determination had diminished to hesitation. Should I go in there like I was on a mission or would they see that as me trying to start up trouble? I swallowed my fear though & slowly walked up the stairs & into the foyer. I didn't recognize either usher that standing by the doors leading into the sanctuary & apparently they didn't know nor recognize me either because they smiled at me brightly & opened the doors for me. My heart started to race again as I took a program & slowly walked into the sanctuary. Would anyone recognize me in here? Was…was father here?

Grimmjow tugged me into a pew in the far back all the way against the wall. He held my hand as easily as if he was holding his Bible, like there was nothing wrong with it. It made me feel nervous but I didn't want him to know that; he might take offense to it or something.

Service hadn't started yet so everyone was just milling around & talking. Everytime the door opened I cringed, thinking it was someone who I knew or worse, father. But the church was full of new faces. I only recognized the drummer & it was only very vaguely. I look toward the section my friends & I always sat but it was full of a bunch of annoying teeny boppers that were laughing too loudly.

"Remember when Renji got caught by the piano with Byakuya a few years ago?" Grimmjow murmured to me, a mischievous smile gracing his lips. He looked so young & beautiful when he smiled. Any other time he looked so serious & mature.

"I was 14. Renji had gotten in _so _much trouble but he was so excited to have kissed _the_ Byakuya Kuchiki" I responded with a chuckle.

"& when Bainne was dared to kiss Chad in the Sunday school room. Chad punched the hel-I mean heck out of him"

I laughed. Yeah you could tell we've been out of chuch for a while. "& you know, we never found out who Tatsuki had the hots for?"

"Well it sounded like maybe she was interested in-"

"Good morning, good morning, church"

We looked up as Deacon Gin did the call to worship. He hadn't changed much in the past year: he still had the same sly grin, the same silver hair (though there was more than I remembered) & though we were sitting quite far back he still seemed quite tall. He did prayer & gave the mic over to Sazay who hadn't changed a bit except his glasses were square now. He led the choir through two beautiful songs & all of their voice were clear as bells. Grimmjow & I stayed seated so that we didn't attract attention but we did clap. When we had to stand for the pastor & his prayer I was surprised to see Shuhei take the stage, his three piece suit impeccable.

He set his Bible on the podium & braced his hands on the side of it, his head bowed in prayer. "Dear Lord, we give praise to you once more for granting us another day of life, another day to enjoy our friends' & familys' company, another day to spend time in Your Presence. We praise You for being a a merciful God. If You don't do anything else for us, God, You've done enough. Thank you, God, for Your Son & the salvation He brought us. Forgive us our sins & let our thoughts, our actions, our hearts be acceptable in Your sight. We pray for those in need, for the ones who cry out to You, God. Bless them & keep them in Your hands. Comfort those who need Your love, calm those who need Your peace, & should You use any one of us to minister to those around us, give us reassurance & confidence. I pray all these things in Your Son's precious name, amen"

"Amen" the congregation echoed.

& as we were sitting down Shuhei's eyes met mine & his expression lit up. "Ichigo!"

…Damn it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Another big thank you goes out to those who've favorites, reviewed, followed & bothered to read this far! Had it not been for you guys I probably would've taken it down because the writer's blocks are killing me x_x**

**Haven't forgotten about you Marshae ;D**

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"Aw fu-freak…." Grimmjow muttered.

"Nice to see you again, old friend" Shuhei said from the pulpit, grinning like an idiot, "It's been a long time"

I gave him a quick smile & several nods before I pretended to look for something near my feet. What the hell was wrong with him?! Had he not heard about me & Grimmjow not being welcomed here? He was trying to get us kicked out!

"Is he still looking?" I whispered, my head still down.

"No. But now that he knows we're here, it's not like we can just walk out"

"Damn it!"

I automatically kissed the back of my fingers & raised them to the ceiling, murmuring an apology for swearing. How long had it been since I apologized to God for anything? Long time, I tell ya that. Even though it was automatic, as soon as I did it I should've stopped myself. Yet somehow…I felt better doing it. Just because I didn't really trust God right now didn't mean I had to be disrespectful in His house.

The service went on & I actually paid attention. Shuhei was a great preacher & made some very valid points. He talked about how Christians could be so impatient when God has already given them a Word. God works on His own time so you had to just wait. He used the story of Joseph & Sarah for further explaination, where they had a baby through their maid instead of just waiting for God to bless them with one of their own. I found myself nodding quite a bit & even heard Grimmjow mutter an occasional, "Amen".

Once service was over, I tried my hardest to squeeze through the flock of people but somehow Shuhei still caught up to me.

"Ichigo! Hey, Ichigo!"

"You might as well talk to him" Grimmjow said under his breath.

I sighed. This had to be a punishment. There was no other explaination. I turned around & plastered on a fake smile. "Hey, Shuhei. Nice sermon"

He walked up to me & pulled me into a tight hug. "Hey, man, we haven't seen you around here in a good minute. Listen I heard about your dad & I'm sorry. We're all praying for his healing"

_Pray for his homophobia too while you're at it._ "Yeah, thanks, man. How are Yuzu & Karin?"

Shuhei lifted an eyebrow. "Don't you see them everyday?"

"I…well, no. I moved out about a year ago so…."

"Ohh ok. No I haven't seen them. Once the church split I haven't heard anything about them. I wonder how they're holding up now…."

"Yeah, that's what I'm trying to find out. They moved so I don't know where they we-"

"Oh. It's you"

I cringed a little as Deacon Gin practically materialized from behind Shuhei. "Hey Deacon Gin…"

He gave me a nod. "How's your father?"

"I…I don't know, I haven't seen him-"

"You haven't seen him? But you live with him"

"He lives with me" Grimmjow spoke up, staring Deacon Gin down with a steady look.

Deacon Gin let his arms fall from their crossed resting place against his chest, his smirk tilting down. "So you would dare come up in the house of God with you heathen shenanigans & boldly admit that you two are indulging in homosexual tendancies?"

Grimmjow nodded without hesitating. "Yes. I make it no secret that I'm gay. What is the point? It's not as if God doesn't already know"

"You talk as if you are proud of your sin"

"You talk as if you _don't _sin"

I vaguely noticed Shuhei shaking his head. "This is stupid" he muttered but no one paid him any mind.

"You young Christians distort the Bible to make it seem ok to do some of the things you do even when you know it's wrong!' Deacon Gin growled.

"& you old Christians are quick to point the finger at everyone else & point out everyones' sins except your own when you _know _that God is a God of love & you should accept _everyone _with open arms & sincere warmth!"

Shuhei stepped in between them. "You two need to stop it. If you two feel so strongly about your opinions, take it off the church grounds. This is a place of worship & spiritual healing, not arguing & debating"

"No, it's fine. We'll just leave" Grimmjow said in a low growl.

"Yeah you do that" Deacon Gin shot back.

"Wait" I interjected, "Before we go, Deacon Gin I really need to find my family. I have no idea where they are & I need to be sure my sisters are ok. Please"

Deacon Gin leveled me with a steady glare. "Son, I'm sure if they wanted you to know where they were & how they were doing they would've told you or arranged for you to find out"

There seemed to be a long, drawn out pause when he said that, like everything just stopped & no one could believe what he'd just said. Without my consent my eyes got hot & moist as my heart sped up. How could someone who is a prominent figure in a church say something so hurtful? These elders were here to provide advice & comfort. When had things gotten so bad in the church? Was it Dad's fault?

I felt a hand slip into mine & gently tug me back. "Come on, Ichigo. Let's go"

Hot tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn't move. I hadn't done anything to deserve such harsh words. This was now the second time I've regretted being gay.

For just a split second all noises, all movement froze for me as my body made a decision: leave now & forever hold my peace or do something. I may have changed a lot in the last year but I was still Ichigo Kurosaki & I still knew how to stand up for myself. So I punched Deacon Gin hard in the nose. Yeah it hurt but it felt so good to hear the sickening crunch his nose made as well & several people crying out in surprise as he fell on his ass, holding his hand to his face. Deep red blood twisted down his wrist.

"Oh my God…" Shuhei whispered, staring at the felled Deacon.

"Aw hell…." Grimmjow muttered. He began pulling me more forcefully out of the church, pushing past the people who'd gathered around.

Deacon Gin gave me a hateful glare. "You're going to hell, Ichigo! You & your…partner!"

"Then I'll see you there, asswipe!" I shouted.

….

…

..

.

"Ichigo, what the hell?"

"I don't know, ok?! I just…I just fuckin' snapped! He pushed me, Grimmjow, you saw it!"

"Yeah, I know-"

"How _dare _he talk to me like that! Who the fuck does he think he is, basically telling me I'm not worthy of seeing my family?! _My family, _Grimmjow!"

"I know righ-"

"I should've kicked him in the nuts for good measure!"

I stopped pacing as Grimmjow grabbed me by the shoulders. I was surprised to see him smiling. "Ichigo, you did enough now let's calm down & figure out how to find your sisters"

I took several deep breaths. "Alright. Ok. What day is it?"

Grimmjow took a moment to think about it. "Thursday"

"Ok let's check their school"

We walked the fifteen minutes to their school in mostly silence. I was still fuming about what Deacon Gin said. How can someone who calls themselves a Christian be so rude? If God is a God of love then why can't people who claim they follow God (or rather his Son) not show love?

I walked up to the front office & glanced at the clock. 2:57. They will be walking out of class in three minutes.

I turned to Grimmjow. "We might as well just wait. They get out in three minutes"

He nodded & as we were sitting a woman came out of one of doors that had a gold plague that said Nelliel Odelschwanck, Secretary on it. She looked at us a few moments as if she was trying to figure out if we were students who'd gotten in a fight or if we were waiting on something but she quickly covered up the look with a smile.

"Hello, gentlemen. How may I help you?"

"We're just waiting for two students" I said.

"Are you…are you a parent or…?"

"No. A brother coming to pick my sisters up"

Her eyes narrowed & she gave me a skeptical look. "I'll need to see your I.D. sir"

"Alright" I stood to dig into my back pocket for my wallet only to find the pocket empty.

_Oh my God…you've got to be kidding me…_

After searching the other three pockets of my jeans I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling, heaving out a sigh of frustration. "Al_right_! I get it! Shit!"

Nel looked at me funny. "Umm…sir…?"

"I don't have my I.D. with me" I said defeatedly, rubbing my forehead.

"Then I can't let you see the girl you are looking for. You must understand that we have a strict safety policy-"

"That prevents unknown people from entering the school without a visitor's sticker or from seeing the children to prevent harm to the child or children, yes, I know, I know!' I interrupted.

I flung open the office door & stomped back outside. What in the absolute _hell_ is going on today? Why was it so complicated just to find my sisters?!

"Ichigo. Hey, wait up, Ichigo"

I sighed again as I came to a stop & watched Grimmjow catch up with me. He pointed to the flock of children that was pouring out the front & side doors of the school. "We could just wait for them right here"

I nodded as my eyes scanned for blonde & black haired little girls that I recognized. The flaw in that was there was a lot of blonde & dark haired girls. They were tall, fat, lanky, short, chubby, cute, uh….strange looking….

"There is such thing as an ugly child" I murmured.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Let me know if you see them"

For a minute I considered what would I do if that Nel woman came out & thought we were just looking for our next victim or something. I mean any person of authority would be concerned with two unknown men standing outside of an elementary school right after school lets out but I just hoped Yuzu & Karin would hurry up before-

"Ichigo?!"

I started before looking around & found Yuzu gaping at me from where she'd walked up the hill from the playground. Immediately my arms flung out & she ran to me to give me a hug. I kissed her cheek & forehead repeatedly, trying my hardest not to cry.

"Oh Yuzu. I've missed you & Karin so much…" I whispered.

"We've missed you too, Ichigo. We've missed you so much…."

"Yuzuuuu!"

Yuzu straightened, wiping the tears from her face as a voice called for her. "Over here!"

From the general direction Yuzu had come from, Karin appeared, her face set in a impassive yet irritated expression. "Yuzu, we gatta get going. What are you do-"

I smiled as her eyes went wide & slowly she forced herself not to show the tears that were threatening to break through her defenses. "I…Ichigo…"

"Hey Karin" I said softly, holding a hand out in her direction.

She began walking towards me but gradually picked up speed until she was running & she wrapped her arms around my neck hard, squeezing me until it was uncomfortable to breathe. Yuzu giggled & Grimmjow smirked, his arms crossed as he looked down at us with something similar to affection. I pressed my nose to Karin's hair & inhaled deeply. She smelled like sunshine & fond memories & I couldn't stop smiling.

"Ichi-Ichigo…I c-can't…"

"You can't what sweetie?"

"I can't…breathe…please…"

I let her go quickly, steadying her as she swayed. "Oh, sorry. Sorry"

Yuzu smiled fondly. "How have you been, big brother?"

"Oh, you know, I'm getting by, trying to stay away from trouble" I forced my eyes to stay on her & not wander to Grimmjow.

"Which I'm sure you've failed at" Karin said half jokingly.

Grimmjow chuckled.

I cleared my throat. "So…how's Dad?"

For some reason Yuzu gave Karin a warning glance. "So I guess you've heard huh?" she asked me.

I nodded.

She sighed, running a hand through her short blonde hair. "He's not doing so well. He's rarely sober but when he is he just cusses at us & talks about how our family would've stayed together had Mama not gotten in that freak accident…"

Rage boiled up in me. Leave it to that drunk faced bastard to keep bringing up Mama as an excuse for his immature behavior. He really made me sick. "Do your teachers know about this?"

Karin shrugged one shoulder. "Why would they need to know? Yuzu cooks & clean & I go out & ge the things that she needs"

I narrowed me eyes at her. "How do you get the money to get the things that she needs?"

She shrugged again but her eyes fell as if her shoes were suddenly really interesting. "We take it out of his wallet"

"Karin…"

"Well it's either steal & be wrong or do nothing & get shipped off to some foster home!" she snapped.

"She's got a valid point, Ichigo" Grimmjow said quietly. He must've seen the look of disappointment written all over my face.

"Please don't be mad at us, big brother, we just don't want to be taken away, that's all" Yuzu whispered.

I sighed & laid a hand on her head. "I'm not mad. I just wish there was an easier way, that's all"

"We should get going"

I looked up when I heard the urgency in Grimmjow's voice. That Nel woman was making her way to the door, looking into her purse for something so she hadn't yet seen us.

I stood & took Yuzu's hand. "Come on, let's go"

"Where we going, to our house or yours?" Karin asked.

"Yours" I said quickly.

"Good. Dad won't be home for a while so you're good"

"Where did he go?" Grimmjow asked.

Yuzu gave Karin a look & I noticed the very subtle way she shook her head & Karin shrugged a shoulder. "I dunno but where ever he goes, he gets back at six"

Hmm. What did Yuzu know that she didn't want me to know?


	13. Chapter 13

**Another update, brought to you by one relieved author. A big thank you to every single one of you who have favorited, followed, reviewed & even bothered to read this far! Your support is so welcome & very much appreciated =]**

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Now Yuzu, Karin & Dad lived in an apartment that was about a ten minute walking distance from the school. It wasn't that it was broke down & nasty (as if I or Grimmjow could talk) but you could tell it was old so there were a lot of browned stains in the ceiling & the kitchen had beat up white cabinents. The linoleum floor was an ugly tan & brown pattern that looked like it was straight out of the 60's but it was clean & tidy, though small for a man & his daughters. There were two bedrooms & one bathroom, a small living room that just had a lounge chair & a loveseat, both mismatched, of course the kitchen & a small dining area. One of the bedrooms Karin & Yuzu obviously shared. There was just one twin sized bed though, one dresser, a chest & television that looked so old I wondered if it even worked. Were they happy with their living arrangements? Did they mind this little bit of living, breathing, eating space?

"This is uh….it's…different" I said as I sat on the floor of the living room. The chair & loveseat looked like they'd salvaged it from the dumpster so I didn't trust my ass on it.

"It's not the most fanciest apartment but it works for us" Yuzu said cheerfully, "Are you two hungry? Thirsty?"

"No thanks" I said automatically.

"I'll have water, thanks" Grimmjow said as he sat on the lounge chair. He sunk it pretty far & from the expression on his face, he didn't like it either. The dust & odor that sprang up from him sitting on it didn't help at all. He slid himself to the floor.

"I'm sorry, I wish we had ice cubes but _someone _didn't fill up the ice tray last night" Yuzu said, giving Grimmjow a tall glass of water while she shot a glare at Karin who shrugged one shoulder.

"Sorry. Forgot"

"It's fine but thank you" Grimmjow said politely & took a sip.

"Why don't you want to tell me where Dad is?" I asked suddenly.

Yuzu paused on her way to the loveseat. No one said anything for so long I was about to ask the question again. "There are just some things, Ichigo….that we have gone through in the past year…that I don't want you to know about…"

I frowned. "Why?"

She turned & looked at me, her eyes sad. "Because you'd try to kill him"

I shot up & grabbed her shoulders. "Did he _touch _either of you, Yuzu?! Is that what you're trying to tell me?!"

She only shook her head but a fat tear trailed down her face. Dad _must _have done something horrible for her to be acting like this. What I didn't understand is why she wouldn't tell me what he did….or maybe it was something he didn't do.

"Did he starve you two are something? What is it, Yuzu, just tell me"

"He prostituted us" Karin spoke up.

Yuzu dropped her face into her hands & cried while I stumbled back a few steps. "W-what?"

Karin turned her face away from me. "He needed money for more alcohol & some drugs so he prostituted us. Let old men touch us for money"

"Oh my shit…." Grimmjow muttered.

I couldn't believe this. What….how could…but…why…?

Slowly, a white hot rage began building up in me. It started from the center of my chest & made it way to my fist & feet then finally my head. I started panting from the pure, raw power & adrenaline that flowed from me. How could a father do this to his daughters? Why hadn't God put a stop to it? I should've been here for them. I should have….if I had none of this would've happened….

"Ichigo…." Grimmjow said quietly.

I shook my head slowly. If I had been here, he wouldn't have prostituted them….

"Ichigo…look at me…Ichigo…"

If I had been there, they would probably would still be the other, more comfortable house….

"Ichigo…babe, come on…"

"It's my fault" I whispered.

"What? What are you talkin-

"It's my fault!" I hollered, looking him in the eye, "It's _my _fault our dad is such a worthless asswipe, it's _my_ fault he is such a shit father, it's _my _fault he _sold their fucking bodies_, Grimmjow! No one else's!"

Grimmjow looked confused. "Ichigo…it's not your fault, baby…"

I didn't realize I was crying…or maybe I just didn't care. "If I'd stayed none of this would've happened! He knows if I'd stayed I wouldn't stand for this shit!"

"Big brother, don't blame yourself!" Yuzu exclaimed.

"Don't try to be the hero & take everything on as your burden, Ichigo. You know it isn't your fault" Karin said in a low voice.

"I could've prevented this!" I growled.

"Maybe. Maybe not. Either way it isn't your fault"

Just in that moment a key was shoved through the keyhole in the front door & it unlocked & opened, revealing a very haggard old looking mad with salt & pepper hair & a wizard beard.

My train of thought paused as the entire room went deathly quiet. "….Dad?"

"Ah hell…." Grimmer muttered under his breath.

The old man gave me a look before his eyes widened like saucers. "I-Ichigo….?"

"Grimmjow!" Karin shouted & that seemed to a signal for everyone.

Yuzu grabbed my legs, Grimmjow wrapped an arm around my torso, Dad cowered behind Karin while she watched me cautiously. If it had not been for Grimmjow I would've been pulverizing Dad's face right now with both fists & a knife. My whole body trembled with the effort to break lose so I could do just that but the blue haired man was just too strong.

"You low & dirty bastard! I'll kill you!" I shouted.

"Ichigo, I can explain! I-i-it's rather simple, really!" Dad protested.

"Simple, my ass! How could you sell my sisters', _your daughters' _bodies for drugs & alcohol?! You're lower than the ground I spit on you filthy asshole! I hope you get struck by lightening & burn very slowly!"

"You need to calm down" Grimmjow murmured in my ear.

"& you need to fuck off!"

"I did what I had to!" Dad whined.

"Alcohol & drugs are _not _a priority! & even if you needed money for bills you didn't have to take it that far! You could've just given your own worthless body away for money instead of using your daughters'! That is no excuse at all, whatsoever!"

"B-b-but Ichigo, I needed money for food & rent too, not just for alcohol & drugs!"

"Let go" Grimmjow said to Yuzu who did so & backed away

He backed me out of the apartment, only letting me go when we were in the parking lot. "When you've calmed down some then we'll go back in"

I was too angry to respond to him at the moment. How…what…ugh, why?! Why would a father do this to his daughters?! Just…why?!

"I cannot _believe _this!" I shouted. Grimmjow simply waited patiently.

"A father is supposed to _be _there for his daughters. They look up to him. He's supposed to be the _guideline _to the man they should look for in a spouse! What is this, Jow? What is happening?!"

"There's only one way to find out the answer to that, Ichigo" he responded quietly. What frustrated me was that he sounded so damn calm.

"Why are you not upset? Why are you acting like this happens everyday & it's not a big deal?!"

He sighed. "Look, Ichigo, for Karin & Yuzu not to be that upset with him, there must be an explaination"

I gawked at him. "Yuzu was fuckin' _bawlin' _in there?! Did you not see the tears?! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"She cried because she was embarrassed & afraid of your reaction"

"_What?_"

"She told Karin through body language not to tell you were your dad was. She didn't want you to know because of your explosive temper. You may resent your father but she still loves him & he's the reason why she & her sister are alive & well fed"

"& have been touched on by fuckin' old men, Grimmjow!"

He held up his hands. "I didn't say I condone what your father did"

"But you do"

He frowned. "No. I don't. That's disgusting but Ichigo, even through all your rage & bitterness, even you can see that they aren't exactly living like royalty here. Things must have been really hard on them"

I stopped pacing & ran my hand over my face several times. I hated all the emotions that were bouncing around in me like nervous butterflies. Of course there was an explaination for why my father would do such a horrible thing but there were also other, more sensible ways to earn money! Why couldn't Grimmjow see that?

"Let's just go back inside & listen to what he has to say, Ichigo. That's all I'm saying" Grimmjow said, "If you want to beat his ass afterwards then be my guest but what you need to realize that your sisters will remember this & either resent you, your dad or both of you"

I glared at him. "Why the hell would they resent me? I didn't prostitute them!"

"Because you tore down the man that they've grown to admire"

That was a point I'd never considered. With Mama gone & me out of the picture for the past year they'd probably grown a lot closer to Dad & are probably protective of him. If I hurt him….

I sighed. "Fine! Fine. Let's listen to that bastard's side of the story"

Grimmjow gave me a smirk & took my hand as we climbed the steps up to the apartment. Him holding my hand made me think about the day I came out to Dad. I never did tell him who "inserted these homosexual ideas into my head". I guess now would be a good a day as any.

I knocked on the door & Karin opened it hesitantly. "Are you good?"

I nodded once. "Yeah. We all need to talk"

Her eyes went from me to Grimmjow & back several times before she slowly opened the door. Yuzu was on the lounge chair, her face creased with worry & Dad stood pressed against the wall opposite of me in the family room. His eyes were slightly out of focus & watery but also looked afraid.

"Sit down. We need to talk" I repeated, giving him a hard look.

His eyes darted down to my hand holding Grimmjow & he frowned for a moment before he was distracted by Yuzu patting the space beside her, asking him to come sit. I sat on the floor & folded my legs Indian style while Karin took the loveseat. I didn't start until Dad finally sat beside Yuzu.

"First & foremost I want to know why you did it" I directed the question at Dad. I hadn't meant for it to sound harsh but it came across like that anyway.

"I…what?"

"Why did you prostitute my sisters" I said, already running out of patience.

"I…Ichigo, you have to understand. Times got so hard after the Deacon Board decided to let me go. I-I-I couldn't, I couldn't keep up with the bills & the girls needed clothes & we were so hungry, I….I tried to find a job, Ichigo, I really did but it's so hard. I was either over qualified or didn't have enough experience or-or they just simple found better canidates & I just-I just couldn't…."

My jaw clenched. Not really out of anger (though I was still angry with him) but to keep the tears away. My family suffered while I was away. While I was eating Manwiches & the occasional Honey Bun they were searching for food….

"Why did they let you go?" Grimmjow asked quietly.

"They….I-I disagreed with them but they said I…my drinking was getting in the way of my preaching. I wasn't…delivering as a man of God should've. It was just so….so _hard_ to recite those tired words & drained lessons when my girls had gone two days without eating & their clothes hadn't been washed in weeks &…I just….it was for the best. There wasn't any sense in paying for me to preach when I couldn't even preach anymore"

"A few days after he got fired, some guy offered Dad two hundred dollars to touch Yuzu's 'soft, baby ass soft looking skin' while we were walking home" Karin said quietly.

"& I convinced Dad to let him so we could have money to eat" Yuzu whispered.

I was shocked. So shocked I might have gasped. How brave does a child have to be to let some stranger…touch her to provide her family with money to eat? I don't even think I could've done that.

"I told her no at first!" Dad pleaded, "I really didn't want her to….to do that. It was gross & I would've looked like a horrible parent…."

His voice reduced into tears & he rested his face in his hands at he cried while Yuzu patted his back.

"I would've…I would've looked like a horrible parent just as you thought I was, Ichigo, but I swear I tried. I tried….I tried…"

"See what I mean?" Grimmjow murmured. I ignored him.

"Of all the ways you could've earned money why did you choose…that?" I bit out, determined to hold on to my anger.

Dad raised his head, face covered with tears (or maybe that was snot). "Like what? Preach elsewhere? Sell what was left of the few clothes we all had? Ichigo, what more could I have done?"

"You could've just gotten a…." I stopped. I was about to tell him he could've just gotten a real job…but I should know better than anyone how hard that was.

"Could've gotten a what?"

"Forget it. Why didn't you just sell yourself?"

"Ichigo would you stop interrogating him already?" Karin said, "We've confirmed already that me & Yuzu volunteered to do it. It's not like he forced us"

"He didn't have to agree to it!" I snapped.

She rubbed her face tiredly. "There is just no pleasing you. Whatever choices we made it doesn't matter now. We're fine at the moment since Dad finally got a job"

For some reason I felt disappointed, like I didn't want him to have a job. Maybe…maybe I didn't want him to be able to do better for himself so I could take Yuzu & Karin….

I exhaled deeply. So it was for selfish reasons. I didn't even want my dad to get on his feet because I resented him so much. What kind of son was that?

"We should get going. I have to be up early tomorrow for a double shift" Grimmjow announced after an awkward silence & stood, "Thank you for having us"

"Thank you for stopping by" Yuzu said with a smile, shaking his hand. Karin gave him a nod but Dad wouldn't look at him nor shake his hand.

I grabbed Karin & Yuzu into a fierce hug before we left & whispered in their ear that I still loved them more than anything. They nodded but for some reason they felt far away now. Not as if they didn't believe me but as if they expected me to say that & they were just ready for me to be out of their hair. Could I honestly blame them?

I gave Dad a nod but backed away when he stood to give me a hug.

He looked hurt. "It's…it's good to know you're ok, Ichigo"

"Yeah…."

There was an awkward silence as I glared at him & his eyes plead with me. What could I say? I really don't think he thought I was going to run up in here & smother him with a hug. I expected to walk up in here & just punch him in the face so neither of us got what we expected.

"Come on, Ichigo" Grimmjow said & tugged on my hand.

"You should come with us to this church we started going to recently, Ichigo" Yuzu spoke up, "Service starts at 10:30. Will you try to make it?"

I smirked & nodded. "Sure, Yuzu"

When I knew good & well I wasn't.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you guys so very much for reviewing, favoriting, following & reading this far. I'm so glad that even anons love this story & that I haven't gotten any flames (yet xD). You guys are the best! Your praise is very much appreciated & keeps me going :]**

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The walk home was very quiet & long. I got the feeling Grimmjow was irritated with me but I couldn't bring myself to ask him if he was or not. I tried to remember anything I may have said or done to piss him off. I mean, I listened to my dad like he suggested & I even gave him my own little way of saying bye so I didn't see what his problem was, to be honest.

"Are you mad with me?" I asked. I hated how my voice sounded all quiet & cute. I was the dominant uke for crying out loud! Hmm…speaking of being uke…

"No" Grimmjow responded simply.

"Then…why are you so quiet? Are you mad at all or you just have nothing to say?"

"I just have nothing to say" he said.

I left it alone. There wasn't any point in pestering him if he wasn't irritated. Anyway, back to my train of thought…it seemed like a lifetime ago when I took that app quiz about what kind of role do I play in the bedroom. I felt like I've matured so much since then but now I'm a lot more curious about sex. I know, I know, it shouldn't be that big of a deal & Grimmjow doesn't want me corrupted & all that but I was still a man with needs. Sometimes I just woke up horny & I'd be bothered until I finally gave in & just masturbated. It wasn't something I was proud of but hey, it's either that or hump Grimmjow's leg.

"Your sisters are something else" Grimmjow said softly.

"What?"

"I don't know any adult who would've sacrificed like that for anyone, much less a child"

I frowned. I really didn't want to talk about this anymore but when I really thought about it, it was true: my sisters were very brave….

"I'm very proud of you for not beating your dad to a pulp like I know you wanted" he said, putting an arm around my shoulders & pulling me to him to kiss me on my temple, "You're finally growing up"

"Hey, gimme some credit. I've _been _growing up" I said, poking him in the ribs.

He chuckled. "Making up the bed does not mean you're growing up Ichigo"

"Quite the contrary. It means I'm becoming more responsible"

He gave me a look like he didn't expect me to have a comeback that great. "Well paint me green & call me a pickle, you have a good point"

I sighed & allowed myself a few moments of complete bliss: Grimmjow's arm around me, shieldling me from the cold wind, my arm around his ever-slimming waist (I pretended he just worked out a lot to go along with this bliss I was in right now), my head resting against his warm, almost hot side. Maybe one day we could get married. Yeah, I could totally see a bunch of me's & him's running around, screaming & running us up the wall in very unperverted ways.

The image of me & Grimmjow clinging to the ceiling fan as our kids wait below us with plastic knives made me laugh & Grimmjow smirked. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"You think we'll ever get married & have kids?"

"Well of course we will. It's all a matter of time. I work about another five years & I can get you a nice little cheap wedding ring-"

"That'll make some nerdy reference to the Legend of Zelda"

He chuckled. "& it'll have, "Hey! Listen!" scratched in on the inside"

"Of all the great quotes in that game, you _would _choose the most annoying"

We laughed & for a moment I saw us holding hands, walking down a boulevard of some big city during the holidays & him proposing to me in a park. It was such a lovely vision my heart hurt. I pressed my cold nose to his shoulder. I couldn't wait until we were financially stable & happy together.

"Hey, wanna grab a bite at the cafeteria?" he asked after a moment.

I made a face. "No offense but we've been eating Manwiches for the past two weeks. I'm kinda tired of it"

He laughed. "We have more than Manwiches there ya know, there's just always a lot of leftover Manwich meat. I'm sure they have a little something we can snack on there"

The cafeteria wasn't too far from closing by the time we got there. Two of Grimmjow's coworkers, Ulquiorra & Yammy, were wiping down tables & counting the money in the register.

"You complain about being here & then you come on your day off. What the hell, Grimmjow?" Yammy said with a laugh. He was loud & obnoxious but he wasn't that bad of a guy from what Grimmjow told me in the past.

"I couldn't get enough of seeing your beautiful mug, Yammy, I was hoping to catch just one more glimpse" Grimmjow said sarcastically.

"I know right. Between you & Ulquiorra, sometimes I'm scared you two are going to try & rape me one night"

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes. "Even if I wanted to downgrade & do something remotely sexual with you, a dirty mutt would be more appealing"

I flinched. Damn. That hurt _my _feelings. But either Yammy wasn't easy to upset or he was used to this kind of thing because he just threw his head back & laughed while Grimmjow shook his head.

"By the way, this is my boyfriend, guys"

I grinned & nodded in their directions.

"Boyfriend? Well I guess their really is someone for everyone. Either that or he's desperate"

I frowned. "Excuse me?"

Grimmjow chuckled. "He's just being an ass wipe, babe, ignore him"

"I'm just playin' with ya, shrimp, relax" Yammy said, going back to wiping off tables.

I started to say something but Grimmjow just put an arm around my waist, chuckling. "He's a pain in the ass but he doesn't mean anything by it, baby"

"Would you mind stating why you are here so I can either proceed to throw you out & give you whatever you may need so that you can be on your way?" Ulquiorra asked, his green eyes narrowing slightly.

"Ouch. Someone didn't get his mocha latte from Starbuck's with extra cream this morning" Grimmjow said with a smirk.

"Oh there was cream, just not the kind he wanted" Yammy said, followed by a bellowing laugh & I grimaced as he & Grimmjow dapped & laughed.

"You two are revolting to be around" Ulquiorra muttered, turning & walking in the back where I assumed the kitchen was.

"Yeah why are you here anywho?" Yammy asked.

"Just wanted to grab a bite to eat with my baby here. I was hoping maybe you two had a little something something leftover for today" Grimmjow replied.

"Actually, yeah, man. Barragan ordered too many steaks since we didn't get the crowd we expected for the playoffs"

"Aw hell yeah! You got any fries & wings to go with that?"

Yammy laughed. "Got an appetite, eh? Yeah I'll get it before Ulquiorra starts cleaning up & throws a hissy fit"

While he went into the back to prepare our food, Grimmjow & I sat at one of the round tables. His eyes shone with a kind of pride, as if he was proud of where he worked & that he had it good enough to get free food. I mean, hell, I would be proud to get free food too even if it was only cafeteria food.

I just so happened to look Grimmjow in the eye at that moment & was caught off guard as I found him staring at me with so much warmth in his eyes that it made me blush. "What? What are you staring at me for?"

"No reason. I just like lookin' at ya"

I rolled my eyes. "Please do not get mushy on me, Jow. This is not the place"

"Oh so I can do it when we get home?"

"Sure as long as you know what it might lead to"

His eyes narrowed & his jaw flexed. "You're still on that?"

"I wish I was but you won't let me climb on!"

He fought the smile that was threatening to shatter his annoyed façade. "Ichigo…"

"Listen, needless to say we've been through a whole lot in the last year & I'm not exactly an angel with pure white wings anymore-"

"Implying that you once had them"

I chuckled once. "Shut up. There's no point in trying to scoot around the issue anymore. What's left to corrupt now?"

He sighed, & his eyes held such sadness. "I know you don't want to hear it but, Ichigo, the Bible says to have sex before marriage-"

"Oh _no _you _didn't _just try to use the Bible as a reason for you not having sex with me!"

"I know, I know but I still hold on to some of those morals"

"Will you hold on to the one about homosexuality being an abomination too?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously & sparked.

"Oh, you're just going to ignore that huh, & keep on doing whatever you want?"

"God made me this way! He made _you _this way!"

"How can something he created be an abomination, Grimmjow?!"

"His thoughts are higher thans ours!"

"What the _fuck _is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I don't know why the hell I'm a whole lot more attracted to you than any woman! It means I don't know why He made me into something that His word says is a sin! It means I don't understand _any_ damn thing that He does until every single piece of the puzzle is in place but what I _do _know is that no matter what, He _does _have a plan & all I'm supposed to do is trust Him!"

I fixed my mouth to say something but nothing came out. Honestly, I couldn't even argue with that though it was almost a tangible hurt to my pride to admit it. Even through everything that he & I both had gone through, he still had so much faith….

"Here ya go, two Poo Poo Platers with Napolean Dynomites!"

I took my arms off the table & dropped my eyes from Grimmjow's glare as Yammy set the plates of steak, hot wings & tater tots in front of us. It was still steaming hot; some of the sauce even popped off the hot wings.

"Looks good. Thank you" I said with a half hearted smile.

Yammy nodded. "No problem, shrimp. Now lemme get started on these floors. Thursdays are days Ulquiorra has to catch his TiVo'ed Korean dramas & he wants to get the hell up outta here with the quickness"

"Thanks man" Grimmjow said & Yammy left us alone to finish cleaning in the back.

An awkward silence settled between Grimmjow & I as we ate our dinner. I was more afraid of saying something stupid & pissing him off than not having anything to say. I _know _sex shouldn't be this big of an issue but I really wish he would stop acting like we to be perfect when we're very clearly not.

I stared longingly out the window. What would it feel like if I got sex from someone els-WHOA! Where did _that _thought come from?! Was I seriously considering leaving Grimmjow all because he wouldn't have sex with me? I asked myself a few more times & whenever I considered the consequences of "yes" my stomach twisted but it was half in fear & half in excitement. When I asked myself & considered "no" as the answer I felt disappointed. I couldn't…._seriously _be considering leaving Grimmjow over something like that….

"This is really good…" I said in a low voice, testing the waters.

Grimmjow didn't respond, only gave me a look.

To be honest, the first few bites were good but now all the flavor had drained out of it. I never thought of myself as selfish or…or a whore. When had I become this person?

I must have spent more time in my thoughts than I'd realized because the next thing I knew Grimmjow's plate was empty, minus chicken bones, & he was giving me an expectant look, as if he was telling me to hurry the hell up. I stuffed the rest of the steak into my mouth & crammed the few tater tots left right after it before wiping the corners of my mouth & staring at him.

He stood without a word & Yammy peeked out through the kitchen entrance. "Hey you goin'?"

Grimmjow nodded once, his electric eyes on me. "Yeah. See ya Monday"

"Aight. Later, shrimp!"

I gave him a weak grin & wave before I walked out with Grimmjow. Not surprisingly, the walk back to our home was silent. I truly regretted bringing up this subject once again & causing a wedge between us. I wanted that feeling back that I had went we were walking to the cafeteria. I wanted to hold his hand & laugh & kiss him. For some reason I just wanted him to hold me & it scared me because I've never felt needy before. I hated…_hated _making him mad.

"Grimmjow, I'm sorry. I should just leave the subject alone, especially since you're not comfortable with it. I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you don't want to just to…just to keep me here…" I murmured.

I was shocked (& hurt) when he simply ignored me. No response. No indication he even heard me. He just kept walking.

I frowned & was about to say something but decided against it & let it out in a deep exhale. There was no point in getting mad at him. There wasn't even any point in demanding an answer from him. When he was ready to give it, he'd give it.

As we approached the front door of our house he unlocked it & stepped aside to let me in first. The gesture kind of surprised me but I stepped in ahead of him & turned on the light. Damn. It was cold enough to create nipple-cicles in here! These were one of the many, many times I wish I had central heating. On the bright side, at least I already had some firewood beside the fireplace so I didn't have to go outside to get some mor-

"Take your clothes off"

I stopped in the process of picking up a log. Did I just hear that right? I straightened slowly & turned to Grimmjow who was already shirtless. I ignored the flash of heat in my lower abdomen. "Um…what did you say?"

In 3 quick strides Grimmjow had crossed the room & was in front of me, his face contorted with anger. "I said take them off!"

Instead of waiting for me to do so he began ripping off my coat & sweater with a viciousness I'd never witnessed from him. Immediately I tried to push him away but initially I only did it because I didn't want him to rip some of the very few items of clothing that I had. "Grimmjow, what the hell-"

"Off! Now!"

He shoved me up against the wall & shredded my shirt so that he could clamp his jaws onto my neck. It hurt & now I was beginning to panic. Was he trying to hurt me?! What the hell had gotten into him?! "Grimmjow, stop!"

He shot his hand up my torso began to roughly pinch my nipples, scratching up the sensitive skin around it with his sharp nails. I grimaced & braced all of my strength against his chest to get him off of me but it only succeeded in getting his jaws off of my neck. "What the hell is _wrong with you?!"_

"You want to get fucked so bad, you got it, Ichigo!"

I frozed as those words came ripping out of his mouth & pushed my heart into my throat. "I didn't want to get _raped, _you idio-"

He crushed his mouth against mine in such a painful way, I felt blood seeping from some wound on my bottom lip. While one of his hands was busy squeezing _the fuck _out of my nipple, the other was trying to get my pants off. He'd pretty much said damn the button & was currently trying to rip his way to my dick.

"Cut it out, Grimmjow!"

"Shut up & take it! This is what you wanted!"

"I wanted you to make love to me, not rape me!"

The anger on his face twitched in a grimace & he only continued his…administrations on my neck while I struggled against him. Thought it would have been dirty I thought about kneeing him in the nuts but he had his knee wedged between my legs. I'd punch him in the nuts but if I took my hands off his chest he'd smother me & I wouldn't be able to get my hands between our bodies. I was quickly losing strength.

"_Stop _it, motherfucker!" I shouted.

"Shut the fuck up" he growled into my ear & for some reason the growl send a delicious shiver up my spine.

"Bet you won't make me…" I said below my breath, looking at him through my lashes.

He paused to look at me, probably considering if I was serious before a hungry growl ripped from his throat. His mouth devoured mine even hungrier & more painful than before. I could taste my blood on my tongue then his but right now the only thing I was concerned with was showing him that I was not a mewling little bitch that was just going to bow to him.

I grimaced as his teeth sunk too far into my bottom lip & I pinched his nipple as hard as I could. He growled but otherwise didn't respond. Well if that wasn't going to allow him to get the picture then this sure as hell was. I reached down & grabbed his dick, squeezing it in warning & he shuddered, brushing his lips against my neck.

"I'm not your bitch" I hissed in his ear.

"Is that what you think?" he asked, leaning back to glare down at me. His eyes were glowing with lust & something like anger & another hot flash shot through my body.

"I can get it from any man I want but you on the other hand will never have great sex unless it's coming from me!" I shouted.

"Big talk coming from a virgin"

I tensed as he picked me up & body slammed me onto our mattress, causing me to bounce so hard it hurt. He was on top in seconds, ripping through my underclothes & leaving heated kisses. I grit my teeth to prevent myself from moaning. There was no way I was going to give him the satisfaction of hearing me moan, not after him disrespecting me like that! It was hard as hell to stay quiet but I was determined. Once he had me stark naked, he flipped me onto my stomach & spanked me mercilessly. I've never thought of myself as liking pain, being a masochist but with each smack his big ass hand landed on my ass turned me on more & more.

"You like that don't you, bitch?" he growled.

"I am…_not _your... _bitch, _asshole!" I gound out, pausing after each smack.

I inhaled sharply as his finger slid between my cheeks. I've never thought of myself as being the bottom, aka being the one who gets the dick up his ass. It was too strange, not to mention nasty.

"You put your finger or dick up there I'm not licking it" I hissed.

"You will do what I tell you to, bitch!"

When he smacked my ass I knew it was going to leave a bruise & yet….I had to restrain a moan & remind myself not to beg & give him any kind of satisfaction. He slid his finger slowly in & out & around my anus, alternating every once in a while to stroke my balls. I gave up on trying not to let my body respond to his touches & let my toes curl. I spread my legs a little more to allow him more room.

"You liking this, little bitch?" Grimmjow crooned in my ear.

"Fuck you, you sadistic dick"

"Speaking of which…."

He pulled me up by my hair into a kneeling position & stood in front of me, his cock standing at attention.

"Suck it" he ordered.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I oughta bite it…"

"& then I will break your neck. Don't test me, Ichigo"

I slowly leaned forward & licked the length of his shaft, shivering at the powerful seme & salty taste. I took only the head in my mouth then decided, "Why not?". Might as well make it great. I swallowed as much as I could, until I had to breathe deeply to stop myself from gagging. I wrapped my hand around the four or five inches that I couldn't take & began to bob my head slowly, back & forth. Grimmjow let his hand rest on the back of my head, his head back as he moaned softly.

I have to admit, I kinda like this. Yeah this was a submission role done in a submission position but I was giving him pleasure. I was the one who decided how fast, how hard, how wet, when & where to lick, how long I can fondle…it was nice. At one point he began running his fingers through my hair & I moaned softly, causing a strangled moan to fall from his lips. I grinned as best I could with a big dick in my mouth.

"God, Ichigo…" he whispered.

I sucked hard as I drew back but before I could get to the head he pushed my head away & pinned me to the mattress with his hard body. He had my legs over his shoulders & his dick at my entrance before I could inhale. By the time I tried to fix my mouth to yell "no" he had entered me roughly, tearing something inside me. I howled, my hand clutching his throat. Grimmjow didn't seem to mind; his eyes were wild & lustful. He growled hungrily & stroked me quickly.

"Grimmjow, the _fuck _is wrong with you?!" I screamed.

He only responded by moving his hips forward.

I thrashed. "You fucking jackass, that _hurts! Stop it!"_

"You wanted to get fucked so bad, now ya gunna like it!"

Tears of pain sprang up in my eyes as he rammed into me over & over. I never would have thought this could be so painful! "Gri….ugh, fuck….stop, Grimmjow, pl-please….shit…"

He leaned forward to roughly suck a nipple into his mouth & I found the pain wasn't as sharp anymore. It was still very uncomfortable & I would've really liked to kick him in the balls for doing this to me but the lessening pain & growing pleasure made it hard to stay mad.

"You like that shit, don't you, bitch?" he hissed, looking up at me.

"Fuck you, you stupid ass swipe…" I snarled.

He kissed me quickly but roughly before leaning back & putting more force behind his hips. The tears came again & I grit my teeth as the sharp pains started again. Was he trying to hurt me? Did hurting me turn him on? I wanted to tell myself no but his behavior had taken such a quick & brutal turn I wondered if this had always been a part of him & he'd just hidden it. Maybe…maybe that was why he didn't want to have sex with me…

The tears spilled out from the corners of my eyes & I closed them, my face scrunching up. I'd pushed him to do this to me. I got what I deserved. Not because I did anything bad but because I kept asking for it, getting him angrier each time. All the arguing, all the nights I hesitantly masturbated, wishing it was his hands, all the waiting wasn't even worth this pain…it hurt…so much-

I opened my eyes as I felt him stop & Grimmjow placed soft, warm kisses on my temples that were wet with tears then my eyelids. "I'm so sorry, Ichigo. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that…I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry baby, don't cry…"

I stared him in shock. I'd never heard him apologize, not to mention even express any kind of remorse. It was kind of sweet, almost. He did care about me.

I placed one hand on his cheek & brought his lips to mine. He kissed me firmly but no where near as animalistic as the last few times. I gently nipped his bottom lip but didn't explore when he opened his mouth. No. It was time I submitted (as long as he didn't think this makes me his bitch). His tongue darted around my mouth before stroking my own. It was almost hot to the touch but the warmth only fueled the fire in my lower abdomen. I didn't feel anymore pain, just growing arousel.

"I'm so sorry, Ichi-"

"Shhh…" I whispered, "Just make love to me"


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello, hello! I want to thank everyone once again for reading this far, favoriting, following & reviewing! I'm trying to wrap this story up so I can start on two more I have in mind so if it seems like I'm rushing I'm really sorry but...yeah I kinda am lol. Still that doesn't mean I won't at least try to make it great! My readers only deserve the best =]**

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& boy did he put it down.

My eyelids fluttered as he began moving again but a lot more slowly & sensuously, one elbow supporting his weight while his other hand stroked me.

"Oh my God…" I said breathlessly.

I arched my back high when he placed hot, open mouthed kisses on my neck & made his way down my chest where he clamped onto a nipple.

"G-Gri-…Grimmjow. Holy sh-shit…"

My hands moved with a mind of their own & tangled in his messy blue hair, clenching & fisting & grabbing. God this felt amazing! My body felt like it was on fire & my heart was beating so fast & my lungs demanded more air & my legs were practically vibrating &…

Grimmjow shifted back, pulling me into his lap & I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms wrapping around his neck as I held him close for a passionate kiss. It was heavy & slow but that was perfectly fine. I loved it.

"I love you so much" I whispered without even thinking about it.

Grimmjow cupped my cheek, his eyes soft. "I love you too, baby"

Which surprised me. Not because I didn't think he didn't love me but because he usually wasn't ever that affectionate. Then again, neither am I. I guess tonight was just one of those nights.

He laid on his back with me straddling his torso & I almost panicked. I didn't know how to ride! Sure, it might _look _easy but what if he went too fast & I fell off? What would I do if my legs got tired?! What would happen if-

Grimmjow chuckled once, guiding my hips. "Easy now. I got you"

I let my hands rest on his chest & rocked back forth. His hips came up with mine which made it a little easier & the waves of pleasure came much faster.

My eyes rolled closed. "Oh God…oh…ugh, Grimmjow, yes…"

He picked up the speed & I was glad there was nothing but pleasure, instead of pain like earlier. This was amazing pleasure, like someone was shooting static into my blood system. When I reached down stroke myself off I'd barely touched it before I was gasping at how sensitive it was. Just running my finger along the shaft made my toes curl.

I opened my eyes briefly just to see what Grimmjow was doing. I was half surprised he wasn't moaning like I was but when I saw how hard he was biting his bottom lip & the way he hissed while he inhaled made me feel kind of proud. So I _was _making him feel good. I leaned forward & nibbled on his neck while one hand pinched a nipple. He tasted like seme & salt; it made my taste buds do the Harlem Shake. His hissing turned to breathy moans then to groans with my name mingle in between each one. I loved it.

"Shit…Ichigo…"

His hand snaked between on bodies & grabbed my throbbing member. I had to press my mouth hard against his shoulder to stop myself from moaning really loud. "Oh…my shit….oh shit….fuck….ahhhh fuck…"

I wasn't going to be able to last much longer. Already my body was trembling from the preparation of release. He must have been able to tell because he shifted us so that he was behind me & I was on my hands & knees. His thrusts & strokes continued without missing a beat.

"G…Grimmjow…please….please, baby….shit!"

He chuckled huskily.

My hands clenched the mattress so hard, my hands started to tremble with the effort. I don't know if I was holding on to keep myself from floating off or if I was just bracing for the climax.

"Shit, baby, you're so fuckin' tight….fuck….ah, shit! Ooh baby…uhhhh yes…"

His hips sped up until his pelvis was slapping against my ass. I could feel the shockwaves travel all the way up to my shoulders. It kind of hurt but it hurt so good I didn't want him to stop. Not until I came.

The spring in my stomach was getting so tight my eyes were watering but only in pleasure. Sweat dripped off my chin & back & the mattress was wet with precum. I needed it so bad…I wanted it…"Grimmjow….fuck…please, baby, I need it"

My hand reached down for my weeping cock & stroked like my life depended on it. I was not ashamed to admit I was whining like a bitch in heat & I was begging for it (at least I was already getting it, & not begging _to _get it). Judging by Grimmjow's louder & more frequent moans he was enjoying himself & that's all that mattered.

"Aw shit…awwwww shiiiiit….oh fuck me….ahhh fuck Ichigo…I'm gunna…uhhhh I'm cumin' baby….shitshitshit!"

Several tears escaped down my face before I screwed my eyes closed. "_Grimmjow!"_

The climax had me moaning in a falsetto note & my back arched so deeply, my chest touched the mattress. Grimmjow clutched my hips almost painfully, snarls whipping out of his mouth. Ribbons after ribbons of cum shot out from my throbbing dick & I felt him fill me up at the same time. He thrusted into me a few more times before he pulled out & collapsed beside me, half of his body off the mattress & on the floor. It took me a minute before I could unclench my muscles but when I did I curled up by his side & we both rested, catching our breaths.

"That was…amazing" I whispered

"Incroyable…" Grimmjow replied huskily.

I glanced up at him. "I didn't know you know French"

He shrugged one shoulder. "Our new cook is French. I pick up on certain words that she repeats often"

"Hmm. Next time you should talk dirty to me in French…"

The side of his mouth that I could see turned up into a wicked smirk but his eyes remained closed.

These are the times I expected to have when Grimmjow told me I should move in with him. This is what I expected when he said he had a place of his own & we'll be much happier together than with family or on campus. Maybe not sex every night but at least he & I being happy together. Like this. Not struggling financially. But right now, our financial situation was the farthest thing from my mind.

I grinned. "Speaking of next time, we should go ahead & get star-"

His soft snoring interrupted what I was saying & I rolled my eyes. I knew he wouldn't able to handle me.

…

..

.

_6 Months Later_

.

..

…

I sighed as I glanced at the caller I.D. Must be a wrong number or someone trying to sell me something. If it was the latter, I swear before God I was going to cuss them out. It's way too early to be trying to sell shit!

I unlocked my phone & held it up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Yes, who's speaking?"

"I'm Tier Harribel with Sprint. I was calling to ask if you were able to come in today to fill out some paperwork"

I blinked. "Um…what kind of paperwork?"

"Most of it consists of our policies, terms & agreements & you would need to sign it to say that you've read it all"

My heart was racing. Was this really happening? "I…are you saying…I don't…"

"Can you not make it?"

"No! Oh sorry, no, no, that's not it, I just….I'm trying not to get my hopes up but it sounds like-"

"We've hired you"

Oh. My. God. "Oh my God. Oh my…oh my god, thank you so, so much! Thank you so much Ms. Harribel! You don't know how much this means to me!"

She chuckled. "So will you be able to come by later & sign the papers as well as pick up your uniform?"

"Yes! Yes, of course, what time do you want me to be there?"

"I leave here at 4 so I would appreciate if you could make it in before then"

"Oh my God, thank you, I'll be there in a few minutes!"

I hung up & scrambled out of bed. I can't believe it! I got the job! I'm going to be making money & I can finally help Grimmjow out!

Things were really starting to look up these past few months. Grimmjow got a job at an insurance company, making some good money. It was funny because I'd gone to his cafeteria to eat before I went home after job hunting & he jokingly tried to sell me some fresh baked cookies. An insurance agent had been behind me & given Grimmjow his card, stating he liked how Grimmjow tried to really sell the cookies & would really like to have him on his team. Now we could actually afford getting more than just Manwiches & Honey Buns!

Every once in a while I visited Yuzu & Karin. They'd gone from elementary school to middle school so I got a lot of stories about the boys fawning over Yuzu & Karin beating them up or giving them mean looks. I was proud of them for still keeping their grades up; several times a month their teachers sent home notes, praising their good work & good attitudes. I still hadn't gone to church with them but it was because I wasn't ready for the possibility of being turned away like our previous church. I had no idea if I even wanted to bring Grimmjow but if I didn't he'd be offended so instead I just always told them I'd try to make it.

According to the girls, Dad had stopped doing drugs & really slowed down on his alcohol intake (which meant he didn't have old men all over my sisters for money) & last I heard, he was going to school for some kind of certificate program. Yuzu told me it was a surprise & he would tell us all after he received it. He & I were on slightly better terms. I still resented him but at least I wasn't hostile toward him. Maybe one day we can be on father son terms again but right now, we were taking baby steps. Oh & he started walking a few weeks ago. Yeah it was pretty great. Finally, all that intense therapy worked.

I slipped into my new coat & grabbed my keys off of the dresser. Oh yeah, & Grimmjow got us an apartment for my birthday. It wasn't fancy but it was a hell of a lot better than the crack house. It was more spacious, it stayed warm in the winter & cool in the summer & we actually had a bed & not just a mattress! You grow to appreciate the little things in life when you have to go without.

We hadn't gotten a car yet so I walked briskly to Sprint, which was about 20 minutes down the road. I had a smile on my face the whole time & I didn't care that some people gave me strange looks or laughed at me. I had a job now!

…

..

.

I was cooking dinner when the front door unlocked & I turned to watch Grimmjow step in & shake the snowflakes out of his hair. One of the many things I liked about him working at an insurance company was that he had to wear a suit & boy, did he look sexy in suits. Seeing him in his tailored outfits & silk ties just did something to me.

"Welcome home" I said.

"Good to be home" he responded & walked over to give me a kiss, "Smells good"

"Thank you, it's called Pure Seduction"

He smirked. "I was refering to the cooking but hey, it's your business if you get cologne that smells like chicken alfredo"

I laughed, smacking his arm. "Shut up"

"But no seriously, you smell good too…"

He leaned in & pressed his nose into my neck & his hands slid down my body. Immediately I was panting as his hand slipped up under my shirt & fondled my nipple. I arched my back, wanting more of his touch. If I wasn't back up against the stove, I'd hop up on this-

I stopped him. "Wait. Wait, baby, I'm cooking. I can't let the food burn"

He leaned back, eyes alight with passion but he nodded. "You sure can't. We'd have a problem if you burned my favorite dish"

I scoffed as I turned around to stir the pots of sauce & noodles. "As if you'd do something…"

"Don't test me"

He delivered a swift but firm smack to my ass & climbed the stairs to our bedroom so he could change clothes. With him trying to seduce me I'd forgotten the good news. I made a note to let him know once we were eating.

At the dinner table, I listened & nodded as Grimmjow told me about the customers he'd been on the phone with & how rude they could be. For the most part he was just venting but sometimes it was just so funny, like when he got mad all over again when he told me about the customer that wouldn't stop coughing in the phone.

"That doesn't make any damn sense! All ya gatta do is take the phone away from ya face!" he snapped, stabbing his chicken. Good thing it was already dead.

"Well what if it was one of the sudden, oh-snap-I-just-choked-on-my-spit kind of coughs?"

"He still could've just leaned away! I hung up on his ass; I ain't got time for that mess & I don't get paid enough for it!"

I chuckled & put my fork down. "Hey guess what?"

He stuffed his mouth with food. "Whuh..?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're so gross"

"I'm hungry, damn it!"

"_Any _way…I got a call to come in & sign some paperwork today…"

Grimmjow gave me an expectant look, his eyebrows raised. "And?"

"& so….I got hired"

He smiled. "Well that's great to hear. Where at?"

"Sprint"

I smiled as he clapped his hands once, really loud & raised his fist in the air. "My baby's going to get me a discount on the iPhone!"

"I shall. I wonder if it'll be free…?"

"Doubt it. You'll probably have to at least pay $50 but that's still really good. Good job, baby, I'm proud of you"

I blushed at the compliment. I hate how sometimes I could be so submissive that it made me blush to receive praise from my seme. Of course I'd never call him my seme, not to his face; he'd get a big head about it.

"Dinner was great, babe, thanks"

I nodded. "You're welcome. & thank you"

"We should go to that Bible study at your sisters' church, you know. They're going to keep asking"

I sighed. "I know. But Jow, what are we going to do if we get rejected like the last time?"

He shrugged one shoulder as he took our plates to the sink. "Then we'll leave just like the last time"

"Finally things are looking up for us. I don't think I'll be able to deal with that again"

"God will not give you any more than you can handle"

I frowned. It's not that I didn't agree with him, it was more like I still wanted to be mad at God, even though I still found myself thanking Him for our food or for letting me live another day. I never realized I was doing it until after I'd done it but when I didn't do it, I felt a pang of guilt.

Grimmjow crouched in front of me & took my hands in his. "Please let's just go. We haven't been in a long time & I really miss going"

"I'm not stopping you, Jow"

"I know. But I want you to come with me"

I sighed, taking one of my hands away from his & running it over my face. "I'll think about it. I can't give you a definit answer yet"

He nodded. "Alright. That's all I ask"

He stood & went into the living room to watch television while I put the dishes in the dishwasher. What exactly _was_ the point in going to church anyway? If I wanted to I could read the Bible by myself; I didn't need no preacher hollering at me. If I wanted to I could have my own praise & worship & I sure didn't need to be told "Turn to ya neighbor…" & all that unnecessary shit. But then again…what was the harm in going? It's not like I have "I'M GAY & IN A HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP" written on my forehead so I shouldn't expect to be kicked out on the spot. I don't know. To be honest, I just didn't feel like going to church anymore.

With the dishes done & the leftovers put away, I curled up beside Grimmjow & watched one of his favorite shows with him. I didn't really get it because I haven't been watching it from the beginning but from the looks of things this guy & five other survivors were staying at a prison during a zombie apocalypse & this guy from another group was trying to kill them & take their weapons for himself….yeah, I don't know, it's confusing but good.

"So when do you start?" Grimmjow asked me during a commercial break.

I shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know yet. The hiring manager is going on vacation tomorrow & Friday so she said she'll fit me into the schedule when she gets back"

He nodded as if he approved. "With my next paycheck I'll go ahead & give you the money to get me that new iPhone. Lord knows it's very difficult not having a cellphone when you have a job"

The show came back on & I was left to my thoughts. Our lives had taken a really great turn now & I really couldn't be any happier…so what did I need to go to church for? Something in me was telling me to go but I guess that was only because I grew up in the church. While there was no harm in going I still didn't see the point. I'll probably have to work anyway (please, please, let me have to work so I didn't have to go…).


	16. Chapter 16

**[Heaves a sigh] Whew...wrapping this baby up! One more chapter & then I can focus on my new stories! I want to thank every single one of you who've read this far, favorited, followed &/or reviewed! I have the best fanbase; you guys' support is awesome. I also want to thank Mimi who pointed out a mistake I'd made in the previous chapter. I tend to forget certain details when I go a long time without reading/writing my story *sweatdrop***

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I sighed heavily as I shrugged on a blazer & adjusts my tie. Just my luck: Mrs. Harribel said she'd need me to come in Monday. Not Sunday. Which meant I had to go to church. Which meant I was not in the best of moods.

"Aw cheer up, sunshine. It's only an hour & a half" Grimmjow said, emerging from the closet with his dress shoes.

"An hour & a half I could spend doing something else…" I grumbled.

"Like what? Eating, watching tv & sleeping?"

"Exactly!"

He chuckled & shook his head. "It's not like you have to. I mean…I'm sure your sisters will understand that you just had better things to do & you just want time to yourse-"

"I don't need a guilt trip! I'm going! Damn!"

He gave me that stupid, shit-eating grin of his & walked over to me to place a kiss on my temple. "After this I promise not to try & convince you to go anymore"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just go before I change my mind"

…

..

.

We met up with my sisters & Dad before walking to the church all together. It was still a wonder Dad could walk again. I wouldn't admit this but I was happy; it meant he could take better are of my sisters.

_'Maybe You aren't so bad after all, God...'_

Yuzu mostly carried the conversation while Karin yawned & rubbed her eyes repeatedly, still trying to rouse herself out of sleep. Dad was quiet but looking better. He'd shaved his wizard beard to neat scruff & his hair was trimmed & combed. His suit was kind of old but it was clean & ironed to perfection.

"Oh, Ichigo got a job at Sprint" Grimmjow said.

"Oh congratulations, big brother!" Yuzu exclaimed, smiling.

I nodded & gave her a smile of my own.

"Does that mean you'll give us discounts on iPhones?" Karin asked.

"I can't just be giving out discounts all willy nilly now. I probably won't even be able to give out any until I've been working for six months or a year"

"But…you will eventually give us discounts right?"

I sighed. "Yeah. Sure"

"I have good news as well" Dad said quietly. We all looked at him expectantly.

"What is it?" Yuzu asked.

"I got my certificate in my mail today"

"For…?" I asked skeptically.

He grinned. "Alcohol server/seller certification"

"What, you starting a liquor store?" Karin questioned.

"He's licensed to be a bartender" Grimmjow answered, "Congrats, Mr. Kurosaki"

He nodded. "& I start working Monday"

"Well that's nice. Where are you working?" I asked him.

His face flushed & he walked closer to me to whisper, "The strip club downtown…"

"Dad!" I exclaimed.

"What'd he say?" Yuzu demanded, looking concerned.

"He'll be working at a bar downtown" Grimmjow interjected, pulling Yuzu to his side, "You have to be eighteen or older so there's no chance you'll be able to follow him"

While they joked around, Karin looked doubtfully at me but I just shrugged. It wasn't my place to correct it nor judge; he had a job to provide for his daughters & no one was getting hurt or violated so it's whatever.

We arrived at the church. It was huge, like one of those fancy churches you see on television, all new looking & clean. Of course, with it being a mega church, there were flocks or people going through the huge parking lot into the building. I felt like I was being watched, examined, but that was probably just my guilt kicking in.

Once we found the sanctuary (which was of course huge with at least two thousand seats) & sat down, I kept my eyes trained forward. Church wasn't going to start for another ten minutes so for now, the members & visitors just talked & walked around. The stage was mostly hidden by an enormous red curtain & to the right, a full band warmed up. I spotted a sax player, drums, electric & acoustic guitars, trumpet, cello, piano, two keyboards & flute. Wow, wide range of instruments there. Did they have concerts up in here or something? Well…I guess I shouldn't expect any less of a mega church….

I looked over at Grimmjow when he nudged me. "Are you ok? You seem nervous"

I nodded once. Nervous wasn't really the word for it but I was ready to go home. I felt eyes on the back of my head & like somewhere in my peripheral vision, someone was staring at me. When Grimmjow took my hand, I jumped & snatched it back, my heart rate going from 0 to 76 just that quickly. What if someone saw us?! Was he crazy?!

The curtains began to part & the band immediately went into an upbeat song that I was not familiar with. Beyond the curtain revealed a massive choir of about fifty to sixty people, clapping & rocking to the beat in their choir robes as the praise leader began motioning for them to sing. We stood & began to clap. It was a nice song, not full of a bunch of hollering & vocal showing off like a lot of mass choirs tend to do. Even though I didn't want to show that I was enjoying the music, it wasn't easy resisting the urge to tap the toe of my shoe.

There was another song after the first, a more slowed down, beautiful version of Our God Is An Awesome God but sung in Spanish. The woman leading the song spoke so fluently it had to be her first language. I found myself closing my eyes & tilting my head back, settling into a mood of prayer. God & I weren't close by any means but I still talked to Him every once in a while.

_God, I know I've been selfish & immature this past year & a half & all. I'd been spoiled rotten, thinking I was automatically going to heaven because I went to church on a regular basis. I'm sorry for all of that. I'm not saying I won't fuck u-I mean mess up again, I'm just saying sorry for the things that I messed up in the past for._

Once praise & worship was over some guy came on stage, asking for time visitors to stand. Grimmjow stood but I sat my carrot top ass right where I was, ignoring Yuzu's questioning look. I hated being recognized in a regular sized church; I'd freak out being recognized in a mega church.

"Look at that guy…"

"He needs to do something with that wild head of his…"

"What friend or family member lets their own walk out of the house like that?"

I frowned at the conversation going on behind me. Of course they didn't say any names or anything to indicate who they were talking to but I got the sickening feeling they were talking about me.

"I coulda sworn Minister Kon just asked the first time visitors to stand…."

"I guess he thinks he's too good to stand up"

I ignored them. Even if they were talking about me, it was none of their business. It wasn't like it was a big deal anyway, what the hell was their problem?

The rest of service went by pretty quickly. The pastor, a tall, lean, handsome, young looking guy with shoulder length dark hair by the name of Pastor Kaien, was a very relaxed person with his deliverance & made some really good points. He even inserted some humor into his message, which even had me smiling. There was tithes & offerings then alter call before we stood to be dismissed.

"& first time visitors, come on down & let us shake your hand & thank you for coming" Pastor Kaien reminded before he gave the benediction & bid us all a good day.

"You wanna go & shake his hand?" Grimmjow asked jokingly.

"Don't push it. I came to the church, don't expect much else" I said.

"Spoiled little brat…" a voice said behind me.

I tensed. Everything in me told me they were referring to me. It was like they were purposefully speaking loud so that I can hear.

"Bet his daddy had to drag him here…" another voice said.

I spun on my heel. "I dare you to talk shit one more God da-"

My eyes widened before I was struggling against the tears that were threatening to spill out from my eyes as Renji gave me the shittiest eating grin ever & Byakuya chuckled. Orihime, Chad, Bainne, Mayuri, Uyru, Rangiku…all of them were chuckling at my reaction before I flung my arms around Renji first then everyone else. I couldn't believe it…my friends…after all this time…

"I missed you guys so much…" I whispered, rubbing my wet face in Renji's shoulder.

"Hey, hey, now. Don't get all mushy on us. We missed ya too, buddy" he said & awkwardly patted my back.

"Oh Ichigo" Orihime's voice hovered near me & I pulled her into the hug too. Her fragrance made me think of simpler, happier times: when her mom used to call me son in law because she thought me & Orihime were a couple, the time Orihime started her period & she was wearing white jeans so I let her wear my jeans, the times when we'd go to Wal Mart really late at night & ride the bicycles with Renji, Mayuri & Bainne….it all came flooding back….

"This has taken an uncomfortable turn…" Mayuri grumbled.

I heard Grimmjow greeting each of them, his voice getting louder as he & Bainne shared something funny.

I leaned back & wiped my eyes as Rangiku gave me a gentle smile. "Church wasn't the same without you guys. No point in staying at a church that shuns its own members so we figured we'd give this one a chance"

"Yeah, not like they missed us though" Renji said with a shrug.

"Chizuru tells me Deacon Aizen is now the pastor until they can find a replacement" Byakuya put in.

"He's going to send the remaining congregation to hell for impure thoughts…" I mumbled.

After a hearty laugh & my old friends being reacquainted with Dad, Yuzu & Karin, Rangiku invited us out to lunch, which we accepted. She took us to this Cajun seafood restaurant that had a menu so thick I thought the hostess had handed me a book.

"Hope you're not on a diet" she'd said with a wink before she left us.

The food was great & being around my friends & sisters was even better. Jokes were tossed around & Rangiku even sang a song she wrote (who knew the chick had lungs on her like that?!) then we played catch-up. We told them about how we'd moved into a place of our own & got by day to day. Dad seemed uncomfortable, like hearing us living together was giving him gas or something. They congratulated me on my new job however we didn't let them know about how we'd been struggling. I didn't want any pity.

"So what's been up with you guys?" I asked.

"First Lady Hinomori left Deacon Aizen like a couple of months after you guys left" Rangiku said casually.

"& got with Deacon Gin" Uyru added.

My eyebrows rose. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. It was a big fight" Byakuya said.

"Aizen got mad & preached a message about whores going to Hell & all" Bainne put in, buttering his slice of bread, "Hinomori walked out & Gin confronted him after church. It got pretty ugly; several men had to pull those two apart in case they fought. It's not a surprise though; those two have had beef since before you even left"

"I personally think Pastor Aizen is with a guy now" Renji threw out.

"What?" Grimmjow asked, surprised.

Renji shrugged one shoulder. "I mean I've seen some dark haired guy coming & going from his house a few times in the wee hours of the morning & he'd look a mess so unless he was helpin' Aizen clean up or something there couldn't be any other explanation"

My jaw fell like it was on the floor. Wow. Just…wow. What was wrong with the people up in that church?

"Sazay left recently. He got signed on with some big record company" Orihime put in cheerfully.

"Well that's good. He had a good set of lungs on him, he deserves it" Grimmjow around a mouthful of buttered bread.

A waitress came & took our orders. Rangiku should be a fuckin' psychic because she read the look me & Grimmjow exchanged & she patted my arm.

"Don't worry, strawberry, I got you two"

"Are you sure, Rangiku? You know we're cool enough for you to be real with us" I said quietly.

She smiled. "Why would I invite you all out here if I wasn't going to pay eh?"

"Thank you, Ran. Seriously" Grimmjow murmured. She gave him a wink.

Dinner went by smoothly; the conversation was full of jokes & funny memories; we even brought up the retreat a few times but when I noticed Dad clearing his throat & starting to look irritated I changed the subject. Amazing how he was still mad at that almost two years later…

"Do you guys come to this church or are you members?" I asked.

"Me, Chad & Uyru joined last week" Orihime said, "The rest either visit the one we just left or stay home"

"& fuck" Mayuri said nonchalantly, ignoring the digusted look Dad threw his way.

"Young man, I've known you since the moment you were born. You know better than to curse" he said.

Mayuri shrugged one shoulder. "& you know better than to prostitute your daughters for drug money but you did it anyway & you don't see me judging you, now do you?"

"Hey, stop it" Rangiku said firmly, "If you two want to fight then take it outside. The rest of us aren't here for that mess"

Dad grumbled under his breath & Grimmjow just shook his head.

We did our best to enjoy the rest of the dinner. The food was great, our waitress was very pleasant (especially when we left her a thirty dollar tip) & the company was good enough. We made plans to do something like this again one day & went out separate ways. Grimmjow & I walked my sisters & Dad home before heading back to our place, hand in hand.

"Today was fun" I said simply.

He nodded. "It was. & much needed. I really missed those dorks"

I chuckled. Instead of walking home we roamed the city, keeping each other warm. Downtown was hustle & bustle as the last minute shoppers got their Christmas gifts bought & wrapped as well as their house or tree decorated. Come to think about it, we hadn't even thought much about the holidays. We were either too…ahem…busy or just otherwise enjoying each others' company when Grimmjow wasn't working.

"Let's go look for a Christmas tree" he said suddenly.

I gave him a look. "Maybe it's because we've been together for a while but sometimes, I wonder can you read my mind…"

He grinned & winked at me.

We ran across a gas station-turned-into-a-farmer's market selling these beautiful Christmas trees. Most of them were taller than Grimmjow (we definitely couldn't fit anything that big in our apartment). We roamed the rows of trees, touching the limbs & inhaling their fragrance. If I closed my eyes I could imagine being in a forest.

"Hey look at this one"

I glanced up at Grimmjow looking at a tree that came up to his thigh & I smirked. "We need a Christmas _tree, _Jow…not a twig"

"It's a nice little tree! Bigger tree means more mess & you know how I hate vacuuming"

I chuckled once. "We're not getting no child sized tree & that's final"

"& if we get a big tree who the hell is going to carry it?"

"You, duh"

"The Devil is a damn lie"

"Big trees look better"

"Little trees are easier to carry"

I dug in my pocket & found a nickel. "Heads"

"Oh no you don't. I'll get my own coin!"

I rolled my eyes as he picked out a dime from his pocket & tossed it in the air. When he smacked it down on the back of his hand & looked at it I already knew who won.

"Baby…look, if you let me get the small tree I'll cook for a week & give you back massage"

"I don't make deals with peasants!"

Immediately the puppy-dog look on his face vanished, replaced by a look of irritation. "Peasant? Ichigo I'm gunna-"

I laughed & took off before he could finish, dodging between the trees just as his fingers brushed the tail of my shirt. The pine needles stung a little as I squirmed out from between two huge trees & I was pretty sure I was bleeding somewhere but I didn't give it much thought. My heart was thumping with the heavy doses of adrenaline shooting through my body; this may be a game but Grimmjow played rough.

The tree limbs rustled but I wasn't sure if it was from me brushing them or Grimmjow. Either way the guy was a fuckin' ninja! I couldn't hear any footsteps, breathing, crunching, _any_thing & that was kind of scary. I dodged through the rows a few more times, almost sending an old man into a stroke. I apologized quickly & sprinted to the end of the row.

"You can run but I'll always be faster…"

I swear that whisper was _right _beside me. I wiped my hand across my ear as if there was something gross on it all while looking around me. I was between the last two rows of trees & beyond that was the road. I'd have to make my way back to the beginning if I wanted to keep this game up but I didn't want to have to bob & weave through the rows again. Looks like I'd have to go the long way around.

"Hey!"

I jumped & glanced over my right shoulder at a middle aged woman with her hands on her hips. "What are you doing? This is not a playground!"

I straightened. "I'm not treating it like a playground. I'm only running around"

"Well this is not a running around area! If you're not going to buy anything then just go!"

I was getting ready to reply but I was tackled to the ground on my back. The woman screamed as I tried to catch my breath that was knocked out of me & clear the dust that had gotten in my eyes.

"What the hell?" I groaned.

"Never let your guard down, Ichigo"

I rolled my eyes as Grimmjow leaned forward & kissed me on my nose then mouth.

"Excuse me…" the woman said hesitantly.

"We'll take the small tree in the third row" he said proudly. She gave us another hesitant look like she wasn't sure if Grimmjow was going to kick me in the face or something if she walked away then she went to check the tag on the tree before going inside to register the price.

Grimmjow helped me up & dusted me off. "After making such a dangerous mistake you should carry the tree home"

I scoffed. "_You _wanted that ugly tree, _you_ carry it"

"I didn't agree to those terms & conditions. You lost, you carry"

"How about you let me get what I want then let me carry that?"

He winked at me. "I don't make deals with peasants"

I really wanted to hate him sometimes.


	17. Chapter 17

**[Sighs happily] Well guys...it's been real. I want to thank every single one of you for your interest in this story & favoriting/following/reviewing. I do not plan on writing a sequel to this story but anyone who would like to is more than welcomed. I just don't really have the time to write one at the moment, not to mention I have other stories I'm working on. Anyhoot, ja nae! =]**

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I sat down & admired our little tree in all of its Christmasy glory. I'd just put some white lights & bows on it with a glittery silver star on top & really, that was all it needed. As a kid, I remember Dad used to have us put at least four sets of lights on (2 white, 2 multi-colored), bows, bells, wreaves & ornaments & it felt like it took forever. But this simply dressed tree was just as beautiful.

"It looks good. I told you you'd fall in love with it"

I scowled at Grimmjow who came down the stairs with his bedhead & Corona pajama pants. "I am not in love with it"

"Whenever you're in love with something you stare at it & sigh happily, like you do to me every night"

"You're not funny"

He chuckled & came over to kiss my forehead. "What's for breakfast?"

"Whatever you can find"

"What? Baby, I know you're mad at me getting this tree-"

"I spent all morning on this stupid tree, I didn't have time to cook!"

He gave me a soft smile. "Aww, you spent quality time with our little tree. You _do _love it…"

I growled as he dodged the pillow that I aimed at his face. "I do _not _love it!"

"Alright firecracker" he said, laughing.

The old pet name brought back a flood of (good) memories & as much as I didn't want to, I smiled. I stood & playfully shoved him out of the way (which didn't even make him move. Ugh) before I made my way to the kitchen. I'd been so wrapped up in getting this tree perfected before Christmas Eve I hadn't even realized I was kinda hungry.

"Bacon or sausage?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Por que no los dos?" Grimmjow responded, shrugging.

"Ugh. You know Spanish too?"

"Just that & 'yo quiero Taco Bell'. I just watch television, that's how I know"

I rolled my eyes. He always was proud of that forty five inch television he bought with his first paycheck. "What does it mean anyway?"

"I asked you why not both"

"You fat ass. You're asking to have a stroke or heart attack"

"At least I won't die hungry" he retorted, smacking me on my ass, "Hop to it!"

"Keep it up & I'll spit on your food…" I growled.

He chuckled & winked. "Wouldn't be the first time I ate your body fluids"

"Jow, you're disgusting!"

I cooked bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, waffles & French toast. I don't know why I cooked so damn much; this meal was going to make us gain so much weight…

"Ah! Baby that was so good, if I wasn't full I'd give you the D" Grimmjow said with satisfaction, patting his belly.

I gave him a look as I took our plates to the sink. "Speaking of which…why exactly _did _you wait so long to have sex with me? & if you say you didn't want to corrupt me, I'm going to throw this plate at your face"

He scoffed. "Yeah cause I'm just going to sit here & watch the plate come towards me until it hits me in the face. Because I don't have quick reflexes. I thought you knew me better than that, baby"

"Grimmjow…"

He sighed & slowly ran his fingers through his hair. "Most of it did have something to do with not wanting to corrupt you. I liked that I would be your first. It was like…when a cake is so beautiful you don't want to cut a piece out of it. If you do it won't turn ugly but that missing piece just…does something to the image"

I turned & gave him a warning look, one plate in my hand. "Jow, that doesn't even make sense when-"

"Let me finish Ichigo" he said firmly.

I nodded for him to continue.

There was a moment of silence as he (I assumed) gathered his thoughts. "When I fifteen there was this guy that I really liked in high school. I'm pretty sure he was my first ever guy crush. I don't remember all the gory details but we ended up together & dated all the way up until senior year. At prom he wanted me to have sex with him _so bad_. During all this time no one ever knew I was gay so I was really uncomfortable with the situation. Anyway, he had money so we got a hotel room for the night & well, we fucked. It's wasn't great but it wasn't horrible. He enjoyed himself though. So much so that it seemed like that was all he ever wanted from me. Whenever we talked on the phone, it was about when was the next time we could have sex. Whenever we were at school, he talked about sex with his friends & jokingly flirted with me in front of them. Every damn time I was around him, sex, sex, sex"

I sat down, my eyes never straying from his frowning facial expression.

"So I left him. There wasn't anything in it for me anymore; I preferred masturbating anyway-"

I covered my mouth with my hand to prevent myself from snickering.

"Of course, he was pissed: talked about me to his friends & made them not like me & all this other childish shit. It didn't matter though. But…anyway….that's why I didn't want to have sex with you at first: because with you having been a virgin, I was afraid you'd become a sex addict & you'd only want me around for my dick. I can't…I won't deal with that feeling of being used ever again"

I reached forward & gently put my hand on his. "I'm really sorry, Jow. I never even considered how it made you feel; I was only concerned about myself. I'm sorry"

He nodded & his face finally relaxed. I leaned forward & kiss his forehead.

"Ichigo?"

"Hn?"

"I love you. Seriously"

I grinned. "I love you too"

The rest of the day we just snuggled. Yeah, I know, we don't look like the cuddling type but even though I wasn't interested in it before I sure am now & plan on doing it a lot more in the future. With Christmas in just two days it was the perfect time to make hot cocoa & watch old movies & cartoons about Christmas. We fell asleep on It's A Wonderful Life, the best nap ever with his arms around me & my face against his chest. When I woke up I just laid there, thinking about the past year & a half: the retreat, how Grimmjow & I started talking, seeing Deacon Aizen with the whip cream crotch (that made me laugh a little), when we got kicked out of McDonald's….it seemed like a lifetime ago. Even with the bad I was able to appreciate the good & I didn't regret a thing.

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I yawned as I slowly roused from a perfect night's sleep. Grimmjow _finally _got some wool sheets for the bed & it was gloriously soft & warm & made me feel like a baby in the wom-

I sat straight up. It's Christmas!

I flung the blankets off of me & rushed down the stairs, almost tripping a few times. Forget washing my face or brushing my teeth, I had presents waiting to be opened! Grimmjow would understand.

As I landed on the floor I froze when twenty sets of eyes turned to me & regarded me with looks ranging from surprise to smugness.

"Uh…hi…" I said quietly.

Orihime, Uyru, Chad, Mayuri, Gantenbainne, Renji, Byakuya, Rangiku, Shuhei, Tatsuki & of course Grimmjow greeted me before laughing.

"Might wanna wash that crust on the side of your face there, babe" Jow said, smirking.

I turned around quickly & felt my face. Sure enough there was dried drool running from the corner of my mouth to my jaw. Rolling my eyes in embarassment, I washed my face in the kitchen (something Yuzu would've really looked down on) & dried it on my shirt…which was when I noticed I was wearing my white t-shirt which looked like someone had shot me a couple of times t & my raggedy black basketball shorts. I shrugged it off; it was no big deal, it was fuckin' Christmas!

Once I got into the living room & everyone wished everyone a merry Christmas, the presents were passed around along with nutmeg.

"We won't tell no one it's got alcohol in it" Rangiku said in a mock-whisper to me then winked.

"Are you serving my man alcohol?" Grimmjow asked, his eyes narrowed.

"What? No, Grimmy, why ever would I do such a thing?" she responded, her hand pressing into her chest & her eyes wide as she played the perfect innocent person.

"Don't call me that…" he grumbled.

I sat with him on the loveseat as Renji took presents from under the tree & passed them around.

"Oooh, Uyru got a big box! I bet it's a dildo with numerous tubes of lube & several bottles of travel size massage oil"

Everyone giggled. Except Mayuri who looked like Renji had just spilled a secret.

When Uyru opened the large box he blushed.

"Watcha get, Uyru?" Orihime asked.

"A d-dildo with four tubes of lube & four travel sized bottles o-of massage oil…" he murmured & Renji cackled.

"I know Mayuri too well to not have guess that right!"

"Idiot" Mayuri growled.

Next Renji passed a rectangular box to Chad. Judging by the face Renji made & how he kind of dumped it in Chad's awaiting arms it was quite heavy but Chad held it with ease. We all watched as he slowly unwrapped it & revealed a box featuring a professional looking crossbow.

"Oooh…" Orihime cooed.

"You said you wanted to try out archery so I got you some reservations with ya friends at the range with ya own crossbow" Bainne rumbled, his lips upturning into a smirk when Chad opened the box & ran his hand over it lovingly.

"It's…it's great Bainne. I…thank you"

Everyone aww'ed as Bainne leaned over & gave him a smooch. It was the first time I ever saw Chad blush.

"They're going to be some interesting parents if they decide to have kids one day" Grimmjow mused.

Renji then passed a hexegon shaped box to Orihime, his eyebrow raised. "Who's your secret Santa, Hime?"

She looked as about as confused (& bashful) as he did. "I have no idea"

When she opened it, everyone was quite surprised to find a Lala Loopsy collectable, some kind of snow queen/princess, standing all nice & pretty but we were even more shocked when Orihime started bawling her eyes out.

"Hime, what's wrong? Is it really that bad?" Tatsuki asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

The red head pulled herself together, wiping her face & sniffling. "N-n-no I'm just so…I'm so blessed to have the k-k-kind of friends that I do cause I've been w-wanting this since it came out!"

Renji gave Byakuya a what the hell look but Byakuya only shrugged, shaking his head.

"Right…on to the next!" Renji piped & grabbed a very large, peppermint wrapped box, handing it to his sweetheart, "There ya go. Figured ya might like it"

I leaned forward in anticipation. Lately Renji's been talking about getting Byakuya a promise ring which Grimmjow thought was nice but he figured the idiot should just propose already. What good was a promise ring when you've already been dating well over a year?!

But Byakuya's face lit up at the…uh…um…

"What the hell is that?" I blurted.

"It's a display stand for all the swords I've collected!" Byakuya said in a breathy, excited voice. I'd never seen him so…animated so I guess he really liked it. He even stood & pulled Renji down for a kiss & everyone chuckled. I was a little disappointed Renji didn't propose but oh well.

Renji handed everyone else their gifts: Shuhei got a new game console & several games to play on it (he turned to Tatsuki & blew her a kiss which caused all of our eyebrows to raise high into our hairlines), Rangiku got a new sweater & several skirts, Tatsuki got a Kindle with a cover, Bainne received a thick gold necklace & a gold watch (to which he started rapping that God awful All Gold Everything song), Renji got a bunch of pair of jeans & Polos & several new shoes & Mayuri…well…Uryu gave him a kiss.

"You know I'm broke, baby, but merry Christmas" the nerd said.

Mayuri only shrugged. "It's fine. I only wanted to have sex anyway"

As everyone enjoyed their gifts I tried to keep the smile on my face to hide the fact that I wanted to cry. Why hadn't I gotten anything? I mean sure, presents are not what Christmas is all about but Grimmjow had a job! Why didn't he get me anything?

Shuhei hooked up his game system to our TV & played his new games. "I gatta get in a few hours before I go prepare for my sermon" he'd said.

I watched (kinda), occasionally looking at Grimmjow who was showing Tatsuki how her Kindle worked. Thank goodness she got a cover because it came with a light & for some reason the Kindle did not have a backlight so it was be impossible to read in the dark. I cooked us all a big breakfast & we all ate in the living room, half watching Shuhei play & carrying on conversations. Renji brought sparkling cider ("Sorry, Ichigo, but I ain't tryna go to jail" he'd said. Ugh) & we all toasted to lasting friendships, relationships & a great year. & then Bainne burst out the champagne. I hated being under twenty one….

I looked up from watching Rangiku showing Tatsuki this erotic novel she'd once read when I felt someone lightly bump me.

"Hey where's my gift?"

I tried to smile at Grimmjow's joke. "Still at the store. Sorry…"

He kneeled, his hand on my thigh. "Hey. You alright?"

I watched his face to see if I could really tell him I'm not & why but it felt too selfish so I just nodded, putting on the fake smile. "Yeah. I'm good"

"You look like ya lost ya best friend. Or like someone kicked ya dog" Renji butt in. I sneered at him.

When Grimmjow stayed where he was I gave him a questioning look. "What's wrong?"

He didn't answer me for a minute. "Nothing is…wrong. I just can't believe how far we made it"

I chuckled. "I know right. Even after all that fighting we did at first we're still together"

The side of his mouth lifted briefly. "You've been there no matter what, Ichigo. & you don't even realize how that one action alone meant so much. I know I wasn't always the best to or for you but…you knew how hard I tried"

I nodded. Where the hell was he going with this?

"You were there through thick & thin. At times I treated you a lot less than you deserved & you could have _easily _thrown that in my face & left but for some reason you decided to stay"

I was getting uncomfortable because everyone was looking & "aww"ing, not to mention I was not used to this kind of affection from him. "I stayed because I love you Jow, you know that"

He nodded & to my absolute shock he bit his lip & his eyes got wet. "Yeah. Yeah I do know that. & I want you to wear a ring to show everyone else that you do & make them all jealous"

My heart stopped, dropped & rolled. "Oh…oh my God, Grimmjow this better not be a fuckin' prank!"

He rested one of his knees on the floor & dug around in his pocket & pulled out a little box. When he opened it, revealing the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen in person, I wanted to faint.

"Oh shit!" Renji exclaimed.

"Oh my God! Look!" Rangiku shouted unnecessarily.

"Ichigo will you marry me?" Grimmjow asked.

I…oh my God…I didn't…I can't….what? How…? But…when…I can't….

I started panting, my heart beating so fast & my skin prickling as if I was having a sudden hot flash. Oh. My. Fuckin'. God. Oh my, God Grimmjow was seriously proposing to me…& I was sitting here like an idiot! I needed to say _something!_

"_Oh….shit_" I whispered.

"Come on Ichigo…" I heard someone say.

"Please…" Grimmjow whispered. I'd never (& probably never will) seen him look so vulnerable.

"Oh my….God, Grimmjow, I…." I stuttered. I swear everyone in the room leaned forward, anticipating my answer.

My palms began to sweat. I'm not sure why I was so nervous. I tried not to think about the cost of a wedding. I tried not to think about where the hell we would have it. I tried not to think about the fact that not even that many people would be there. I tried not to think about all the planning that went into a wedding & how Grimmjow stays busy during the day so I'd have to do most of the planning. I tried not think about how it was illegal for same sex marriages here. But…I thought about all of that.

During this whole time Grimmjow did not move; he barely even blinked. It'd probably been all of thirty seconds but when it came to a question like this thirty seconds was an eternity. Obviously Grimmjow thought I was worth the wait, even if he had to wait an eternity & I was not going to find anyone else like him. Ever.

Fat tears rolled down my cheeks as I nodded. "Yes. Yes, Grimmjow"

He had his arms around me so quickly it was all a blur. We clung to each other & let ourselves be in our feelings a bit, heaving & panting from the sobbing (well I was anyway). Everyone erupted into cheering & woops & hollering & at that moment I could've only been happier if someone said we won the lot-

The doorbell rang & I gestured for someone to answer it.

"Oh my God, Ichigo!"

I looked up to find a guy with a life sized check & a handful of balloons. "Is Ichigo Kurosaki here?"

I stood up, walking to the door in a daze. "That's…that's me…"

The man smiled. "Congratulations! You've won $1000 every month for the rest of your lif-

I'm just kidding, that didn't happen.

But anyway, Grimmjow leaned back & put the ring on my finger, his face nearly split in the biggest smile I'd ever seen from him. "I love you, Ichigo…Jeagerjaques"

I laughed, wiping the tears from my face. "I love you too, Grimmjow"

& so my friends, this is where my story ends. Grimmjow & I got married that following summer, my Dad attended & though he's not fully comfortable with the idea of his son being gay he has accepted me. I went to college & graduated with a master's in business management & also became manager of Sprint in three years. Grimmjow & I are expecting our first child &…I became a member of Yuzu & Karin's church, rededicating my life back to Christ. My life & this story…is now c_omplete._

_..._

_.._

_._

_Fini_


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